Infinite Paths
by Lord Mist
Summary: There are infinitely many Servants that could have been summoned, after all. A series of oneshots. [AU]
1. The Man of One Thousand Phantasms

I own nothing, none of the characters or series used in this. Heck, I don't even own the laptop I'm writing this on.

The premise of this is that it will essentially be a series of unconnected oneshots, each portraying what would have happened had [insert particular person, real or fictional] been a Servant. It will be **entirely AU, **obviously.

I also am not going to be sticking too closely to timelines – for example, if I feel [insert character] will have good chemistry with a particular Master, and a good fight with a particular Servant, I will use them **even if that Master and Servant are from different wars.**

At the end of each chappy, I'll put in the usual description of the Servants and their Abilities, and if any of you want to use any Servant portrayed here as is, with the same Noble Phantasms, abilities etc., please feel free. I only ask that you credit me and PM me with a link so I can read your story too.

Suggestions are welcome for whom I should use next chapter.

* * *

Kotomine Kirei wasn't sure exactly what Assassin he had been hoping for. In truth, he had believed that the very name 'Assassin' would act as a catalyst for summoning one of the Hashashin, the 'Old Men of the Mountain'. Or at least, that was what everyone had told him.

It clearly wasn't the case.

The man who stood in front of him wore a mask – well, a sort of a mask; but there the similarities to the legends of the Hashashin ended. His spiky silver hair stood up on his head, and a strange metal plate with some sort of swirl on it covered his left eye. The remainder of the man's face was obscured by a deep blue mask. The rest of his attire was unremarkable, consisting of a deep blue shirt and pants, and a green, forest-coloured jacket. His hands were covered by fingerless gloves with a metal plate on their back.

Then the man did something that made Kirei _certain_ he was no Hasashin.

He looked at his summoner, and smiled – _somehow_, Kirei could make out he was smiling even through his mask – and lifted one hand in a lazy wave.

"Yo." he said.

Kirei resisted the urge to rub his suddenly aching temples. "Introduce yourself." he ground out.

The man eye-smiled ( there was no better word for it ) again. "I am Servant Assassin. I like some things, and I dislike others. My hobbies-" and here the man had the sheer gall to _giggle_ "and I've never really thought about my dreams."

Then the man reached into his pocket. Kirei tensed. Servants attacking their Masters wasn't an unknown occurrence – if rather stupid, since a Master could rely on his or her Command Seals - and who knew what an Assassin had up his sleeve ?

In a flash, the man drew out…a bright orange book ? Kirei stopped to consider this, and the man began reading it. "Now," he said, "why doesn't my Master introduce himself ?"

Kirei let loose a groan. Why did the Gods see fit to hate him so ?

* * *

Both Servants disengaged from their brief clash and landed on the branches of two opposing trees.

Kirei watched from a distance, as his Servant warily observed the other, red-and-black wearing, silver-haired Servant.

"You're pretty good, Archer-san." said his Servant cheerily.

The Archer smirked, and his twin black-and-white swords materialized in his hands again.

"I suppose I will have to get serious then." continued his Servant, and _finally, finally_ tucked his orange book back into his pocket. Kirei had subsequently discovered that the book was nothing more than _porn_, although his servant had claimed it was "porn with a plot."

So saying, his Servant drew out a strangely-shaped knife.

The Archer's smirk widened, and in a flash, the twin swords disappeared, and were replaced by – the same knife ?

His Servant's one visible eye widened. "Well, Archer-san. Is this perhaps your ability ?"

The Archer said nothing, and another one of _his _Servant's knives appeared in the Archer's other hand – and the Servants were at it once again, blurs of blue-green and black-red clashing against the night sky, the ringing sounds of metal on metal echoing through the clearing.

* * *

Archer had often thought himself to be a very good sword-wielder, but he had to admit that he was probably just a _tad_ outclassed at the moment. It was a bad decision to be fighting the Assassin with his own weapons, although Archer – or EMIYA, to give his real name – enjoyed the look of shock on the other Servant's face when he had replicated the strange weapon he had drawn. Archer was disappointed though, that it seemed to be nothing more than an ordinary, although strangely shaped, knife.

EMIYA's train of thought abruptly derailed when all he could see was a blur of grey, and he realized, with a sudden jolt, that the reason the knife was so oddly shaped was that it doubled as a throwing knife. Moving his head to the right as quickly as possible, he ended up only slightly off-balance in the air, and missing a few strands of hair – although he soon realized when he saw his opponent that this was what Assassin planned for.

The Assassin was on the ground, his hands a blur, but he seemed to be making some sort of strange shapes with them - and then the sound of a thousand birds _screaming _in chorus erupted throughout the clearing, and Assassin's hand suddenly seemed to be enveloped in _dense lightning_ – in a flash of blue, Assassin had disappeared, and EMIYA just realized the man was coming for him – he twisted desperately in the air, trying to call up _Rho Aias_, but there was no time – and then in a burst of searing pain, Assassin's hand burst through his right shoulder, missing his head by inches, taking a good-sized chunk out of it, and EMIYA landed on the ground in pain, determined to kill this Assassin.

The Assasin turned to face him, whispering "_Raikiri._"

* * *

EMIYA made the two copied knives disappear. He had to end this, and he knew just the thing to do it. Something he had copied from the man who had nearly killed him as a child.

A black and red spear formed in his hand, and EMIYA knew that the spear which could invert cause and effect would end this battle for him. Assassin suddenly lifted the metal plate covering his eyes, and EMIYA vaguely made out some weirdness about his newly revealed left eye, but, determined to end the battle, he shouted, "_Gae Bo-_"

And then Gae Bolg disappeared.

There was no other way to explain the phenomenon. There was a sudden hole in the air that had formed around Gae Bolg, and the weapon had literally disappeared from EMIYA's grasp before he could even fully call out the name.

_What the hell ?_ wondered EMIYA, uncomprehending.

"_Kamui._" said the strange Assassin, and EMIYA could make out that the man seemed slightly tired, but what caught his attention was the newly revealed left eye. It was red and black, and some strange pinwheel pattern spun furiously within it.

"That wasn't very nice, Archer-san." called the Assassin, his voice still cheery. "My eye told me that I would have died if you had just finished saying the name of that strange weapon."

_So his eye predicts the future._ thought EMIYA, grimly. _Terrific. Only one thing for this, then._

"_I am the bone of my sword-_" he chanted, his _Soul Aria_ initiating.

And then EMIYA stopped, gaping widely at the Assassin in front of him. Because the man was in the same position as EMIYA – and he was _continuing the Soul Aria !_

"_Steel is my body, and fire is my blood._" said the Assassin, continuing the chant.

"But, but how on earth can-" said EMIYA, weakly.

"-I do this, right Archer-san ?" replied the Assassin, finishing EMIYA's sentence for him.

_No way. There is just no way. _

"_Sharingan._" said the Assassin, still smiling. "Such a hypocrite, Archer-san. Copy others' weapons, but so amazed when someone copies yours."

"Who- who on earth are you ?" shouted Archer, his mind still refusing to function.

"I am Hatake Kakashi, the Copy Ninja – the Man of One Thousand Phantasms. Very nice to meet you, Archer."

* * *

Alright ! So there's the first one.

So essentially, I understand some of you may not think this fight will turn out the way I say it will – and that's fine, I agree – for example, depending on the number of times Archer uses Gae Bolg, he can win since Kamui is only usable thrice before Kakashi collapses – so please don't flame me saying that you think "ARCHER PWNS ANYONE" or "KAKASHI ROXXX" etcetera.

That said, I thought EMIYA was the perfect match for Kakashi – I just couldn't resist the thought of writing EMIYA as he discovers that someone out there can copy _his_ moves, instead of him just copying others'.

I am assuming, of course, that the Soul Aria is the equivalent of handseals, and therefore Kakashi can copy it – much like he did to Zabuza's technique in the Wave Arc. I do understand that the Reality Marble is suppsedly _unique_ and I'm iffy about the whole Sharingan copying souls thing - but, _really_, there's so much potential there. And besides, since everything evolves during the transition to Heroic Spirit ( for example, the Gordian Chariot becomes something that can fly and spray lightning instead of just a normal chariot ) the Sharingan has evolved to copy even unique things.  
If you don't like **that** theory, just assume that all Kakashi did was copy the words of the Soul Aria ( _via_ Sharingan hypnosis ) to throw a scare into EMIYA, and that he can't really activate it.

Kakashi, for those of you who don't know ( very few, I'd imagine ) is a character from the series _Naruto, _the teacher of the titular character, and the ex-student of the titular character's father. He is well-known as the _Copy Ninja_, and the _Man of One Thousand Jutsu_ ( Techniques ).

Also, a note that I have essentially taken the format for the presentation of the character's skills from The Infamous Man. I have modified it a little, of course. Go ahead and read his fanfics, FateZero Sense and FateStay Away; they are funny. Also, Deadpool rocks.

* * *

Class: Assassin

Master: Kotomine Kirei

True Name: Hatake Kakashi

Titles: The Copy Ninja, The Man of One Thousand Phantasms

Sex: Male

Height/Weight: 181cm/67.5kg

Alignment: Orderly Good

Strength: B+

Endurance: B+

Agility: A

Mana: B

Luck: C+

Noble Phantasm: A+

_**Class Skills**__-_

Presence Concealment- A

The capacity to hide one's presence as a Servant. It is a common skill to the Assassin class.

Assassin is extremely difficult, if not impossible, to sense. Assassin has been trained to assassinate people and carry out missions stealthily ever since he was four years old.

_**Personal Skills-**_

Expert of Many Specialisations- A+

Access to and use of many expert skills.

Assassin was widely known as the _Copy Ninja_ in his lifetime due to his ability to successfully imitate techniques across a wide variety of styles and forms. He is said to know more than one thousand techniques, and is an expert in all forms of combat – physical, _ninjutsu_, illusions, tracking, trap-making etc.

For One's Comrades- B+

Rank-up in stats while fighting to save or protect one's comrades.

Assassin's philosophy in life has always been that "those who abandon the mission are trash, but those who abandon their comrades are lower than trash."

_**Noble Phantasms-**_

Raikiri _"One Thousand Birds that Cut Lightning"_ : B+

Assassin's signature technique in life, it is a condensed form of lightning that envelops his hand and is then thrust into the opponent at a high speed. It causes a sound that resembles a thousand birds chirping. The technique is said to be able to penetrate anything, and it is rumoured to even be able to split a lightning bolt in half.

Sharingan _"A Gift from a Fallen Brother" _: A+

Assassin's left eye had been replaced by the _Sharingan,_ a bloodline limit unique to his closest friend. Assassin obtained this eye when his friend was on his deathbed on a mission. It allows Assassin to predict the movements of his opponents, and see into the future to a limited extent. It also allows him to copy the techniques used by his opponents, save for a limited few.

Kamui _"The Authority of the Gods" _: A

The signature technique of Assassin's _Sharingan_, it creates a temporary, small dimensional warp that can be summoned in Assassin's line of sight. The dimensional warp then absorbs whatever touches it before dissipating. This can be used safely only twice per day; Assassin will collapse on the third use. Requires _Sharingan_ to be active.


	2. The World's Greatest Detective

I own nothing, none of the characters or series used in this. Heck, I don't even own the laptop I'm writing this on.

At the end of the chapter, I'll put in the usual description of the Servant and their Abilities, and if any of you want to use any Servant portrayed here as is, with the same Noble Phantasms, abilities etc., please feel free. I only ask that you credit me and PM me with a link so I can read your story too.

Suggestions are welcome for whom I should use next chapter.

* * *

The unnamed magus finished his ritual, and stepped back. _I did it !_ He watched on in awe as the circle sparked to life, blazing forth a profusion of blue lightning. Then all went deathly quiet for one brief second, before a gigantic explosion tore the ground around the circle apart, clouding everything in a haze of dust. Coughing, the magus stepped forward, waving his hands in a futile effort to clear the air. Eventually, he saw the man standing before him.

He was wearing a strange hat, pale brown and with darker brown checks; and his coat had the same pattern. Underneath, he wore the faultless attire of a gentleman, with a beautifully creased shirt, a waistcoat and a tie. He wore riding boots, and had a small pistol tucked into his belt. He also had a pipe in his mouth, and the distinctive scent of tobacco filled the air.

The man examined himself, seemingly displeased. "Must this attire be a part of my legend ? It is absolutely incongruous and useless for remaining unnoticed."

The magus blinked, unsure of how to continue.

The man looked him over, and quirked his eyebrow. "No idea what to do, Master ?"

The magus froze. "How do you know I'm your Master ?"

The man smiled, seemingly amused. "Aside from the fact that you are the only person here and I can observe the command seals on the back of your right hand ?"

The magus felt like hitting himself – he had forgotten that elementary fact. Still…

_I can do it ! I have summoned a Servant ! I can finally take my revenge on Hitomi…_

The magus slipped into his own world, ignoring the Servant behind him, pulling out a faded photograph that showed him standing next to a cute brunette. _Dump me, will she ? _He made a fist, and the photograph crumpled into a sphere.

"Servant," continued the magus, not turning around, "we will first go to the house of this _bitch_, and then you will kill her for me, after torturing her, of course." Satisfied with his plan, the magus turned. "Which class are you ?"

And the magus found himself staring into the barrel of his Servant's pistol.

"Caster." This was the last word the magus heard, before a gunshot echoed around the clearing and the world around him went black.

* * *

Caster did not relish what he had done. Still, he was consoled by the fact that this was the best route to take. His Master would have ordered him with the use of a Command Seal to kill the woman, and he could not – he _would_ not – kill an innocent person. A criminal, like his ex-Master had been, was a different matter altogether.

Caster sat down cross-legged on the grass. He had nothing to do now but wait for himself to fade away. Putting more tobacco into his pipe, he estimated that he had about eighteen hours to exist if he did nothing.

But that would be a boring existence.

The people passing by were nothing special for him to contract himself to, either. There was this one prospect who had seemed likely, since the man moved like a trained fighter and remained hyperaware of his surroundings, but Caster couldn't sense any prana from him, and he refused to use the leylines to hurt innocents after binding himself to a non-magus. He didn't even bother considering the option of using the man's reproductive fluids.

Still, he wondered what to do for the remaining…seventeen hours, fifty-nine minutes and fifty-eight seconds of his existence. He couldn't just spend his time staring at people here and hoping that he would find a Master – he wasn't even sure he wanted one, in any case.

Just as his hand was moving towards a hypodermic syringe he carried with him, he sensed a sudden burst of prana from a nearby location.

He grinned.

* * *

Archer was losing and he knew it. The King of Heroes never seemed to tire, and his _Babylon Gate_ was summoning weapons faster than Archer could copy them. Saber was down for the foreseeable future, having been clipped by the _Vajra_ and sent flying into a distant building, and he had to defend the younger version of himself and his annoying Master all while fending away Gilgamesh's attacks.

"_Vajra !_" he called, replicating the one he had seen and sending it shooting towards Gilgamesh. The accursed man merely _smirked_ once more, and countered it with his own – and for some reason, the original seemed to be stronger than his ! Archer put it down to dwindling prana from his Master.

Gilgamesh smirked once more, and with a lazy wave, fifty different swords came flying out towards Archer, who responded with fifty of his own.

A sudden _whoosh_, and Archer saw out of the corner of his eye a sword he had missed, flying towards the unresponsive form of his younger self.

_No, no, no !_ desperately, Archer flung himself at the sword, knowing in the back of his mind that it was too late, it was too fast, he would never make it-

And then a blur of brown, and Shirou Emiya's prone form was now at the other end of the room, while a strange man he had never seen before was tucking away his pipe into his coat while smirking at Archer and Gilgamesh.

"Who are you, _dog _?" sneered Gilgamesh, and Archer had to agree with the question at least, if not the sentiment.

"Servant Caster, at your service." bowed the man, and Archer's eyes widened; he had wondered where Caster was through all this !

Then, the man continued, "You are Gilgamesh, correct ? Yes, obviously. The _Babylon Gate_ and your distinctive accent identify you clearly. If you are so _superior,_ Your Majesty," and the man's voice dripped with sarcasm, "why attack his younger self ? Too afraid to face a Heroic Spirit ?"

Archer gaped. "How-"

"-do I know ? Oh please," said the man, waving his hand dismissively, "the resemblance is obvious."

_Obvious ?_ wondered Archer, bemused. _No one else could figure it out in less than a second._

Gilgamesh's eyes narrowed, and the only reply he gave was a sword that shot out to impale the man in front of him.

Caster dodged it easily, and Archer wondered what he would do next.

Caster smiled to himself. By his estimation, he had…fifteen hours now, with the exertion he had made to get here and save the boy included. _Sufficient reserves, then, to accomplish this._

Caster looked into the eyes of the King of Heroes, and spoke, "_Reichenbach Falls._"

* * *

The world around Gilgamesh and Caster warped, and the King of Heroes found himself and his new opponent staring into each other's eyes at the edge of a large waterfall. The golden warrior was unimpressed.

"A Reality Marble, mongrel, will not be enough to stop the true King." sneered Gilgamesh.

"I serve only one Queen, and you are not she, Babylonian." replied his opponent, drawing his pistol and firing at Gilgamesh rapidly.

With a lazy wave, a golden shield formed itself in front of the King of Heroes, and the bullets thudded into the shield and stopped. Gilgamesh found himself examining the strange pattern – had Caster actually shot them to form a rough "V.R" ?

When Gilgamesh looked up once more, Caster was upon him, charging forward surprisingly fast. Before the King of Heroes could react, Caster had already clutched him tightly around his waist – and his momentum sent both heroes twined together over the ledge, and crashing down the falls.

_Mongrel._ thought Gilgamesh, activating his _Babylon Gate_ to summon his _Vimana, _the flying chariot.

Nothing happened.

"What ?" shouted Gilgamesh, wildly. "This cannot be happening ! This is impossible !"

"No," replied his adversary, and for someone plummeting to certain death, his voice was calm, "merely improbable." And then, the man shot out his hand, and _somehow_ managed to clutch onto a ledge. "Ah," he said, sounding satisfied, "my luck holds."

Gilgamesh's reply was drowned out by the thundering roar of the falls.

Archer had wondered what was going on when the Bounded Field had activated, and now that it was finally deactivating, he readied _Hrunting_, expecting Gilgamesh to come out, but, best-case scenario, weakened.

So it was a large shock, when Gilgamesh was prone on the floor, body fading away, and the strange Caster was standing with a smirk on his face.

_How- this Caster, he is so powerful ?!_

Caster looked at him, and knew his time was up. _Reichenbach Falls_ took a lot out of him, and he now estimated ten seconds of his existence left. He looked at his feet, watching them slowly begin to fade away.

Archer was still confused. "Who- who are you ?"

"My name," replied the now-nearly gone Caster, a satisfied smile on his face, "is Sherlock Holmes."

* * *

Alright ! So there's the second one.

Now I am as much of a Gilgamesh fan as the next guy, but someone as arrogant as old Gil is likely to give a chance to his adversaries while toying with them – and someone as scarily intelligent as Sherlock Holmes is clever enough to take it. Adding on to the fact, of course, that Gilgamesh has no idea what Sherlock's powers do.

In a straight up fight, Holmes-as-Caster will lose one hundred out of one hundred times; Holmes really isn't that much of a warrior, aside from his trusty pistol and basic martial arts. Both useless against Gilgamesh. Any spells Holmes has, I imagine, are more geared towards discovering things about people than damaging them.

Sherlock Holmes, for those of you who don't know ( I'm very disappointed in you if you don't ) is a character created by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, and the _definitive_ Detective, the most famous one of all time, and also, incidentally, the character who has appeared the most number of times in Film and Television. His popularity knows no bounds.

If you haven't read Conan Doyle's books, shame on you: go do it now. If you have, then you _have_ to see the BBC series _Sherlock_; it is absolutely amazing.

* * *

Class: Caster

Master: None

True Name: Sherlock Holmes

Titles: The World's Greatest Detective

Sex: Male

Height/Weight: Exact details unknown

Alignment: Orderly Good

Strength: C+

Endurance: B

Agility: C+

Mana: B

Luck: A

Noble Phantasm: A

_**Class Skills**__-_

Presence Concealment- C+

The capacity to hide one's presence as a Servant. It is a common skill to the Assassin class.

Caster has the ability to hide himself from all normal human beings, most magi, and weaker Servants.

Territory Creation- B

The skill to build a special terrain suitable to oneself as a magus.

Caster can construct a Workshop, named _221B Baker Street_ that resembles a Victorian apartment. His magus skills are ranked up when within the Workshop.

_**Personal Skills-**_

Bravery- B

The ability to negate mental interference due to conditions like pressure, fascination, and confusion.

Caster's almost single-minded focus on his task renders his mind extremely strong against any sorts of mental interference. He is unlikely to be swayed by anything short of extreme conditions.

Discernment of the Detective- EX

The ability to obtain all the information about a person or place merely by observation.

Caster is an unparalleled master in the science of detection and deduction, and is able to identify even the identities of Heroic Spirits merely by observing them for a few seconds even if they do not use their Noble Phantasms. Caster's skill is without peer in this field, rendering all others meaningless before his ability.

Master of Disguise- B+

The ability to disguise oneself as a different person.

Caster is able to successfully disguise himself as a different person to fool all but the most discerning of Heroic Spirits. Human beings and magi cannot pierce his disguises, allowing him to blend with the crowds of humans effectively.

_**Noble Phantasms-**_

Reichenbach Falls _"Defeat to Victory, The End of Evil"_ : A

Caster's sole Noble Phantasm. A Reality Marble that transports Caster and a single opponent to the edge of a great, roaring waterfall called the Reichenbach Falls. Caster then charges at the opponent and grabs him, and both tumble over the edge of the falls. The opponent strikes the unforgiving rocks at the base of the falls and perishes. Neither can use any other Noble Phantasms at this stage. Caster's survival depends on his Luck statistic, and if he succeeds in a Luck roll, he will grasp a ledge and live; if he fails, he will also perish. Usable only one time per day.


	3. On a Solo Mission

I own nothing, none of the characters or series used in this. Heck, I don't even own the laptop I'm writing this on.

At the end of the chapter, I'll put in the usual description of the Servant and their Abilities, and if any of you want to use any Servant portrayed here as is, with the same Noble Phantasms, abilities etc., please feel free. I only ask that you credit me and PM me with a link so I can read your story too.

Suggestions are welcome for whom I should use next chapter.

* * *

Waver Velvet didn't know what he was expecting, but he _knew_ that Lord El-Melloi would have had a strong catalyst for a strong Servant. Still, there was always the apprehension that something had gone wrong, that the Servant was weak, that any number of small things could cause the summoning to not work.

It was, therefore, with a heart filled with relief that he saw that there was now a man standing before him. He was a rather ruggedly handsome looking person, with a head of thick black hair. He wore a pale green-yellow shirt with a few buttons open, and a black, sleeveless jacket over it, as well as a pair of black pants. He had some sort of strange-looking pistols holstered to his sides. Waver had never seen anything like those weapons.

"Hey kid," said the man, snapping Waver out of his reverie, "you the guy who summoned me here ?"

Waver nodded furiously, thinking of some suitably regal phrase he could use to establish his dominance over this man.

"I am Waver Velvet, third-generation magus and-"

"Yeah, yeah, that's alright, kid." cut in the man, and Waver gaped. "Why couldn't I have had a beautiful chick as my Master ?"

Waver stared.

"Still," said the man, turning to look at Waver, "tell me, how far have humans gone with powered flight ?"

"Th-they have planes that can break the sound barrier." replied Waver, thrown off-guard by the sudden, random question.

"Is that it ? Kid, you and me have got this thing in the bag." The strange Servant clapped Waver harshly on the back, sending him stumbling.

Waver looked up at his Servant's face, and found him wearing perhaps the most frightening smirk Waver had ever seen in his life.

Perhaps he could go turn himself in to El-Melloi. Yes, that seemed like a better and better idea, the more he thought of it.

* * *

"RHHHHHHHGRRRRRR!" roared Berserker, or something similar to it. All Waver knew was that it was the most frightening sound he had ever heard in his life, and he found himself shivering at the very thought of the Black Knight facing him and his Servant.

"Rider," said Waver, trying hard to keep his voice from trembling, "perhaps we should leave."

His Rider didn't seem to hear him, or if he did, didn't want to listen. Rider had on a smile, and shouted across to the mad knight, "Hey, you couldn't be related to this other guy I knew, could you ? He wore black armour too."

Berserker made no reply, and _suddenly_, with a mad rush, darted forward – only to be met by a red bolt of energy that seemed to come from nowhere, and Waver looked at his Servant to find him holding out one of his pistols, smiling, before holstering it once more.

Berserker picked himself up, off the ground once more, and charged again- only to be met by the exact same result, as Rider had _somehow_ drawn a pistol before the mad knight could cover the few metres that separated them.

_Incredible, _thought Waver, amazed, _I didn't even see him draw…_

"_Lightning Draw._" smirked Rider, holstering his pistol once more. "I can do this all day."

And it seemed something had sunk into the madness-clouded mind of the Black Knight, as he stopped his head-on charges and seemed to be considering his next course of action. Waver saw the smouldering burn-mark on Berserker's armour but the Black Knight seemed to be ignoring all damage he took, cocking his head as if communicating with someone – and then Waver realized it, his Master was giving him instructions!

"Rider!" he shouted, urgently, "Finish him before his Master can tell him what to do!"

Rider complied, drawing both pistols and firing rapidly, a veritable barrage of red beams striking the Black Knight – who turned, and…disappeared ?

Waver tensed. Had he and Rider successfully fought off Berserker, or was this an ability of the Black Knight ?

In the end, it turned out to be neither – the mad knight had merely gone to get himself some firepower, and now Waver looked into the air with his heart in his mouth as a black-and-red fighter jet loomed over them, Berserker sitting on the cockpit, screaming harsh battlecries, as he turned the fighter jet to bomb them – and Rider laughed.

Waver Velvet had never been so confused in his life, but he soon saw the humour in the situation, especially after Rider said, "_Millennium Falcon._"

* * *

It was the strangest aircraft Waver Velvet had ever been in. A strange shape that was unlike all the planes he had ever seen, and for some reason, it looked – _dilapidated._ It looked worn out, it looked nothing like the sleek contoured shape of Berserker's fighter, and Waver couldn't help but wonder if this _thing_ was Rider's secret weapon.

"It's a piece of junk!" shouted Waver, angry, frightened, and excited at the same time.

"Hey kid." said Rider, his voice sounding more serious than he had ever been before. "She's got it where it counts."

And then Rider proceeded to prove his assertion. Looking back at the battle, Waver couldn't even call it that – it was more of a massacre, really.

The fighter jet was fast – the Falcon made it look like a turtle with a broken leg. The fighter jet was manoeuvrable – the Falcon was light years ahead of it. The fighter jet was crammed with bombs and machine guns – the Falcon had those strange energy weapons that resembled a bigger version of Rider's pistols, _and_ shields that seemed to be able to withstand anything that struck them.

The Falcon blew the fighter jet out of the sky.

As Berserker plummeted to the ground from a height, and even as the Falcon was somehow tracking the falling body well enough to shoot it with all the guns it had on board, and Berserker's pain-filled screams finally died away, Waver Velvet still couldn't believe his eyes.

"I told you kid," said Rider, amused, "we've got this thing in the bag."

"You're right…Han."

Then the victorious Master, Waver Velvet, proceeded to be sick all over the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon.

* * *

Alright ! So there's the third one.

The Grail does transcend _time_ and _space_ after all, so it isn't out of the question that heroes such as Han Solo can be summoned as well. In this case, the _Millennium Falcon_ would clearly outclass any aircraft present in the current world – and I'm not even _considering_ the Hyperspace Drive, which would really ensure that Waver could never actually lose a battle – for which other hero could follow them into deep space if they chose to retreat ?

The idea for Han Solo-as-Rider, came from Heaven Canceler – and I had no soon read it as I knew I _had_ to write it. And what better match for Han to show off than the one where Lancelot ( poor Lancelot ) tries to use a fighter jet ?

Han Solo, for those of you who don't know, is a character from the _Star Wars_ franchise, a smuggler and reluctant hero who flies the _Millennium Falcon_ with amazing skill and panache. He ends up marrying the hero's sister. He even has a trilobite named after him, such is his popularity.

If you haven't seen _Star Wars_, please do. Only the original trilogy, though. The expanded universe is…meh.

* * *

Class: Rider

Master: Waver Velvet

True Name: Han Solo

Titles: -

Sex: Male

Height/Weight: 180cm/80kg

Alignment: Chaotic Neutral

Strength: C+

Endurance: C+

Agility: C+

Mana: B

Luck: A+

Noble Phantasm: A

_**Class Skills**__-_

Riding- A

The expertise to ride animals and vehicles.

Rider can ride all manner of vehicles, and also all creatures save Phantasmal Beast and Divine Beast ranked ones.

_**Personal Skills-**_

Alien Dialogue- B

The ability to communicate with alien creatures in their language.

Rider can speak most alien languages fluently, especially the language of Wookie. He can understand almost all alien languages if not speak them.

Disengage- A

The ability to break away from combat.

Rider can easily escape confrontations that he is involved in, save for opponents that are extremely fast and manoeuvrable. It is ranked up to A+ when _Millennium Falcon _is activated.

Nature of a Rebellious Spirit- B+

The capacity to never be a king nor find one. Negates Charisma of equivalent rank.

Rider is known for being a loner who does not believe in acting for a group or serving under anyone.

_**Noble Phantasms-**_

Lightning Draw _"Han Shot First"_ : B

Rider's ability to strike first in a standoff. When there is a standoff between Rider and an opponent, regardless of the speed of the opponent or the techniques he uses, Rider will always shoot first with his blaster pistol. Rider's pistol must be holstered for this phantasm to activate successfully.

Millennium Falcon _"The Heart of a Hero, The Soul of a Smuggler"_ : A+

Rider's signature Noble Phantasm. It summons forth his steed, the spaceship _Millennium Falcon_. It is capable of space flight and has speed and manoeuvrability exceeding anything created by man. It further possesses a larger version of the blasters and shields that defend against any B-ranked attack or below.


	4. Not Your Friendly Neighbourhood

I own nothing, none of the characters or series used in this. Heck, I don't even own the laptop I'm writing this on.

At the end of the chapter, I'll put in the usual description of the Servant and their Abilities, and if any of you want to use any Servant portrayed here as is, with the same Noble Phantasms, abilities etc., please feel free. I only ask that you credit me and PM me with a link so I can read your story too.

Who's next ? **YOU DECIDE !**  
I will only use characters you have suggested in your reviews for all my oneshots ! So please, go ahead, review and suggest !~

* * *

The von Einzberns were rich. The von Einzberns were influential. The von Einzberns were cultured and noble. The von Einzberns didn't throw tantrums. If questioned, they were 'merely expressing their displeasure'. Yet, unquestionably, Ilyasviel von Einzbern was throwing a tantrum.

"It's not fair ~!" she shrieked, beating her fists on the floor with surprising violence. "I wanted Hercules! How do I _crush_ onii-chan and the others without Hercules? Huh, tell me, how do I?" This last question was suddenly thrown at her Servant, who had been observing her behaviour with a predatory grin on his face.

"You need not worry, Mistress," he hissed, the last syllable lengthened, "We will end them for you."

"We? Who's we, huh? You stupid, stupid Servant! There's only one of you!"

Her strange Servant broke out into one of the most bone-chilling laughs Ilyasviel had ever heard. "We _are_ two. But the two are one."

Ilyasviel paused to contemplate the seemingly contradictory words, glancing at her Servant once more. His entire body was covered in a deep, dark blue bodysuit, with his mask having nothing but two large silver eyes and a creepily painted silver mouth on it. But what really drew her attention was the stylised silver spider on his torso. It seemed…oddly appropriate somehow, yet there was some nagging feeling in the back of her head that the symbol was corrupted by the being before her…she shook it off, clearing her head. Really, where had _that_ come from ?

Her Berserker wasn't even well-muscled- oh, he had _muscles_ of course, but they were nothing more than someone who worked out routinely would get. He wasn't physically imposing either, standing only at normal human proportions.

Ilyasviel sighed. She would have to make do with this odd Berserker. With any luck, everyone else would have had weak Servants too.

* * *

"Hello, onii-chan." Ilyasviel's strangely sweet voice rang out around the clearing which Shirou and Rin had decided to pause in.

Shirou tensed. "Who are you?" Rin's eyes darted around, trying to find the source of the voice. Saber's hand flew to the hilt of her sword. Archer, dematerialized, seemed to be doing nothing yet, although Rin knew he would step in if things demanded it.

"Forgotten me already, onii-chan?" the voice continued, and through the darkness the party could make out a young girl with silver hair. "Will you play with us?"

Shirou relaxed. It was just some little kid, after all! "Hey little girl, are you lost?" he said, taking a few steps towards her.

"Berserker," continued the girl. _Oh shit, _thought Shirou, and Archer materialized protectively in front of Rin, "Berserker, play with them, will you?"

And then the most spine-chilling voice Shirou had ever heard rang out around them. "Will you step into my parlour, said the spider to the fly?"

No one moved. Rin's hand went towards her pocket, reaching for one of the jewels she carried with her. Saber's eyes darted from side to side, as she stood shielding Shirou, and Archer had drawn his favourite pair of swords.

"Oh well," continued the voice. "If you won't come to my parlour-" and then a sudden blur of blue-black and silver obscured Shirou's vision, as _something_ was launching itself straight towards them- "I'LL COME TO YOU!"

And then chaos descended about the battlefield.

* * *

Archer had made up his mind early on what to do. Get Rin, get away, and shoot at the thing attacking them from a distance. Initially, though, Archer wondered whether they could beat Berserker in a straight fight – he ( the voice sounded masculine ) hadn't looked at all imposing physically, just creepy and evil – but Berserker was currently fighting Saber to a standstill even while _somehow_ dodging all the attacks Archer chose to made. He was sure Berserker had been facing the other way, but he somehow managed to avoid everything.

_Well, let's see him avoid this!_ he thought grimly to himself, grabbing Rin, ignoring her protests and moving to a rock-crop overlooking the battlefield. "_Caladbolg!_" The drill-shaped arrow flew at the back of the unsuspecting creature, who was currently deadlocked with Saber's sword, and had been trying unsuccessfully to break the sword with his bare hands.

Saber's eyes widened, as she saw the missile flying towards them, but she grit her teeth and forced herself to continue to hold Berserker stationary – Avalon would after all heal her of anything, and it the majority of the explosion would be absorbed by the creature in front of her, who had no idea what was going on.

Except…that wasn't what happened.

At the last second – the very last instant – _somehow_ the blue-black monstrosity seemed to know that a missile was coming for him- and he leaped away into the tree cover. Saber, swearing, was forced to grab Shirou and jump away to the other side before the missile could strike her. She wasn't fast enough to avoid injury, but it was only a couple of minor burns. She had had worse.

"_Spidey-Sense._" said Berserker's voice echoing throughout the clearing, somehow conveying a feeling of amusement.

Saber grimaced. She would have to do things the hard way, it seemed.

Clutching _Excalibur_ tightly, she charged into the areas where she had seen him last go- and found…nothing?

_Nothing on any side. Is he perhaps hiding behind a tree? Or has he fled?_

"Peekaboo." said that _damnable_ voice, and Saber whirled around, heart racing, sword ready- and there was nobody behind her.

_Then where- above!_

The startled realization came too late, and she had barely enough time to look to the trees – was her opponent actually sticking onto the trees like some sort of insect? before he dropped down on her, violently driving his knee into her head, sending her tumbling across the ground.

_No! I dropped Excalibur!_ Saber jumped up suddenly, hand moving to clasp the hilt of the invisible sword that she had let fall during the fall she had taken.

"No, no, no!" said Berserker, almost _sing-song_, and he made some sort of strange gesture with his hand – and some greyish, viscous threads shot out of his wrist, reaching for her sword, wrapping around the invisible hilt accurately – her opponent was already reeling it back in, and _Invisible Air_ didn't seem to be strong enough to cut it –

A familiar red-clad figure appeared, his twin swords flashing, severing the threads that had connected Berserker's wrist to her sword.

"You're losing your touch, Saber." Archer grinned, "Needing help to take care of this little insect."

"Spiders are arachnids." came the reply from Berserker, and an inhumanly long pink tongue flickered out of his mouth – mask – whatever it was, and Archer and Saber shivered.

This would be a long battle.

* * *

Alright ! So there's the fourth one. Please, go ahead and suggest characters! If I don't get any suggestions, I can't make the next chappy…

To clarify things, the Spider-Man depicted here is Symbiote!Spidey. My assumption was that Mad Enhancement would enhance the symbiote's control over Peter, and render him more Venom-like. I didn't want to make him completely insane and unthinking, though – I mean, what's Spidey without his notoriously witty repartee? Although on this occasion, the symbiote would be more evil-dialogue than funny-dialogue.

The suggestion to use Spider-Man came from Selias. I considered using normal Spidey, but I couldn't fit him clearly into one class ( no swords, no long-range melee, no magic, no madness, no signature long-range excluding webs, obviously he won't kill )- and then I thought of the symbiote, and how enhancing its control over Spidey would make him a good Berserker, if somewhat saner than most.

Spider-Man, for those of you who don't know ( and you must have been living under a rock ) is a superhero from the Marvel universe. Gaining his powers through the bite of a radioactive spider, Spider-Man's whole storyline and development has often been likened to a coming-of-age story, of teenagers turning into adults. Spidey is notoriously, one of the heroes who "loses almost as much as he wins".

If you haven't actually read Spider-Man comics, I'd advise you to. Spidey's wit and humour really make it worth a read.

* * *

Class: Berserker

Master: Ilyasviel von Einzbern

True Name: Peter Parker

Titles: The Amazing Spider-Man

Sex: Male

Height/Weight: 5'10"/167lbs

Alignment: Chaotic Evil

Strength: A

Endurance: B+

Agility: A+

Mana: B

Luck: B

Noble Phantasm: A

_**Class Skills**__-_

Mad Enhancement- B

Ranks up all basic parameters at the cost of mental abilities.

Berserker is a unique case in that he is actually _two_ consciousnesses in one body. Mad Enhancement gives control of his body to the _Symbiote_ consciousness, at the expense of the _Peter Parker_ consciousness.

_**Personal Skills-**_

Arthropod Dialogue- C

The ability to communicate with arthropods.

Berserker can communicate mentally with insects and spiders, although he cannot command them to perform his bidding.

Mental Pollution- B

The ability makes it highly possible to shut out any mental interference Thaumaturgy, due possessing a distorted mentality. However, at the same time it becomes impossible to come to an understanding with individuals that do not possess an equivalent rank of mental pollution.

Berserker possesses two consciousnesses – the _Symbiote_ is extremely disturbed and possessive of its host body, and will fight back to negate or remove mental interference.

Taunting Wit- C-

The ability to disturb an enemy mentally through words that taunt or insult him.

Berserker's _Peter Parker_ consciousness is an expert at this, and possesses B-level skill; however, as the _Symbiote_ takes over, it reduces the skill-level.

_**Noble Phantasms-**_

A Human Spider am I - CORRUPTED _"With great power comes great madness"_ : A

Berserker's always-active Noble Phantasm. It gives him the proportionate strength, speed and agility of a spider, as well as enhancing his body's durability and constitution. Berserker gains the ability to stick to surfaces if he wishes to, and generate sticky organic 'webbing' that cannot be severed easily.

Spidey-Sense _"My Spidey-Sense is Tingling"_ : C+

An automatically activating Noble Phantasm. Whenever Berserker is in danger, he will become aware of the situation even if he cannot see, hear, smell, feel, or sense the danger in any normal way. He can also distinguish between real people and their clones or impostors.


	5. Daily Cigarette Intake

I own nothing, none of the characters or series used in this. Heck, I don't even own the laptop I'm writing this on.

At the end of the chapter, I'll put in the usual description of the Servant and their Abilities, and if any of you want to use any Servant portrayed here as is, with the same Noble Phantasms, abilities etc., please feel free. I only ask that you credit me and PM me with a link so I can read your story too.

Who's next ? **YOU DECIDE !**  
I will only use characters you have suggested in your reviews for all my oneshots ! So please, go ahead, review and suggest !~

* * *

Tohsaka Tokiomi was a man who knew what he wanted. His family was an old and noble one, and Tokiomi had determined to win this Grail War, after all. He had to see _Akasha_. It was his unerring duty as a magus, and the head of the Tohsaka household. It logically followed, therefore, that Tokiomi needed a suitably strong Servant to carry out his plans.

Faultless in his evening dress, and unconsciously, reflexively stroking his carefully groomed goatee in hidden agitation, Tokiomi watched as the smoke from the summoning ritual cleared away, and his Servant stood before him.

The first thing Tokiomi noticed was that the Servant seemed to be wearing the robes of a priest, although he had chosen not to wear the collar button, leaving it open. He looked nothing remarkable, having normal, black hair and average features, although his nose did seem somewhat extraordinarily curved. Tokiomi couldn't make out his eyes, though – his Servant was wearing a pair of black sunglasses. And he was smoking, a cigarette held lazily in his mouth. Tokiomi's trained eyes could make out bulges near the man's hips, possibly where he held his weapons.

"I'm Archer." said his Servant, tapping his cigarette with one hand, ash falling on the luxuriously carpeted floor of the Tohsaka mansion.

_How uncouth._ thought Tokiomi, "I am Tohsaka Tokiomi, head of the Tohsaka house; and I am your Master."

The Servant said nothing, seemingly content to smoke his cigarette while watching Tokiomi. The room soon filled with the fumes as both men stood staring at each other, and Tokiomi started coughing.

"What a pussy." said his Servant, and Tohsaka growled out, "Don't take that tone with me-"

"Ah, shove it up your ass, Tokiomi." said Archer, walking away without bothering to look at his rapidly reddening Master. "Now, do you have any good alcohol in this place?"

It was all Tohsaka Tokiomi could do to stop himself from pointing his jeweled staff at the man and attempting to blow his brains out.

* * *

"RIIIDERRRR!" screamed Waver Velvet, as his unruly Servant laughed and urged on the _Gordian Chariot_ to a wide open area.

"Here is where we will fight a worthy adversary!" boomed Iskandar, the Rider of the Fourth Holy Grail War.

Waver Velvet didn't want to fight. Perhaps no one would notice them ? It was dark, after all…

Then Rider laughed once more and the _Gordian Chariot_ sparked lightning and booming thunder echoed spectacularly, and Waver Velvet wondered whether he could close his eyes and pretend this was all a dream to retain his sanity.

Deciding forthwith to at least _try_, Waver shut his eyes and sat down on the floor of the chariot, muttering to himself. _This is all a dream, this is all a- what is that noise? _Still refusing to open his eyes, Waver strained his ears to pick up some sort of strange, yet familiar rumbling sound approaching them. Where had he heard that before?

_Of course! It's a motorbike!_ thought Waver, pleased with himself.

Rider shot his Master a look and shook his head sorrowfully, before turning to the direction from which the rumbling sound erupted.

He was then forced to suddenly dodge to the left as the place where he had initially stood was filled with bullets.

Rider grinned widely. An opponent had arrived.

* * *

Waver Velvet decided to cautiously open his eyes, wondering if he had woken up from his dream yet, or regained his sanity. He turned to observe the edges of the clearing, and watched, surprised, as a strange man riding a noisy motorbike drew in to the clearing.

_Eh? That's not possible! He rides things too?_

The man extended his hand, in which Waver could clearly see a smoking pistol.

"Tch, I missed." said the Servant, leaping off his bike. "Hey, bastard! Get off your fancy piece of shit and fight me like a man!"

Iskandar the Great, Rider, frowned. This man was no noble warrior, that much was clear. And were those robes not those of a priest?

"Go away, little human." called back Iskandar, not wishing to fight some of the Church's lackeys. "I only wish to find a Servant to fight."

"I _am_ a Servant, you fucking moron." called back the strangely foul-mouthed Servant, "Archer."

The air was once more filled with bullets, as Archer drew two pistols and fired rapidly at Rider and the bulls drawing the _Gordian Chariot_ roared in pain as the bullets struck them. Rider, forced to duck, enraged at Archer's tactics.

"You coward!" he roared, "Cease shooting my mounts and face me!"

"I'm not the one hiding behind my chariot like a _bitch_." shot back the Servant, continuing to fire.

Rider growled angrily. It was time to show Archer what his chariot could do. "_Via Expugnatio!_" he roared, the entire chariot glowing with lightning before it charged at Iskandar's enemy in a flash.

The area underneath the hooves of the bulls literally _exploded_, the earth scorching as if a bomb went off, and Archer's motorbike stood no chance – turning into no more than scrap metal underneath the mighty hooves, before slowly fading away.

"Ha!" roared Iskandar, watching Archer as he stood on the opposite end of the clearing, having been forced to abandon his motorbike and dodge. "I have crushed your Noble Phantasm in an instant!"

"Whoever said _that_ was my Noble Phantasm, idiot?" retorted Archer.

Rider frowned for a second, before his expression cleared again. "It does not matter! I will crush you now!" With a flick of his wrist, the divine bulls heeded his orders and charged once more, intent on crushing Archer beneath their mighty hooves.

"_The Punisher._" called Archer, and then the unthinkable happened.

Archer had just blocked the charge of the _Gordian Chariot_, a large, metallic cross in his hand that he had used to stop the divine bulls drawing the chariot, the bulls and Archer both straining violently against each other to overcome the deadlock.

"Incredible…" breathed Rider, "that weapon of yours must be amazingly heavy and strong to stop my chariot's furious charge."

Archer smirked, spitting his cigarette into the eyes of one of the bulls and jumping away as it winced for a second. "It is heavy because it is full of the God's mercy." Switching the way he gripped the cross, Archer pointed one end of the cross at the chariot, causing the tip of it to slide open, revealing what Waver recognised, with a sinking feeling, as a machine gun.

And then the air was filled with the sharp chattering of bullets being fired at incredible speeds, the chariot behind which Rider crouched denting, the metal screaming in protest as a hail of lead struck it, the bulls roaring in pain before fading away due to excessive injury – and Rider decided this man was indeed a suitable opponent.

Dismissing the chariot when the hail of bullets stopped, Rider turned to Archer who was now switching the cross again, pointing another end of it at him. "Tell me! What is your name, warrior?!"

"Nicholas D. Wolfwood." replied Archer with a smirk, and a _rocketing missile_ launched itself out of the cross straight at Rider and Waver Velvet.

Perhaps, Waver thought to himself, he should go back to closing his eyes and pretending nothing was happening.

* * *

Alright ! So there's the fifth one. Please, go ahead and suggest characters! If I don't get any suggestions, I can't make the next chappy…

Frankly, I thought Wolfwood's violent and foul-mouthed attitude would prove a good contrast to Tokiomi Tohsaka's proper-ness and nobility, as well as anger Rider who sought for a 'noble' warrior to do battle against. However, unlike Gil, I just don't see Wolfwood winning once Rider pulls out _Ionoi Hetaroi_, since Wolfwood has nothing incredibly destructive that can take on massive amounts of enemies at once – he's more a one-on-one fighter. I did have to upgrade _The Punisher_ a bit, though, as otherwise he wouldn't even be able to fight on equal terms with Rider even without _Ionoi Hetaroi_.

The suggestion to use Nicholas D. Wolfwood came from The Infamous Man. I particularly liked Wolfwood's attitude as a badass priest, and so I decided to go with it. The reason for the Chapter Title, by the way, is because the 'D' in Wolfwood's name has been humorously said to stand for 'Dokonokuminomonjawaresumakin ishiteshizumetarokakora' translating to 'Daily Cigarette Intake' as a reference to his smoking habit.

Nicholas D. Wolfwood, for those of you who don't know is one of the protagonists from the _Trigun_ anime and manga. Wolfwood is the original 'badass, gun-toting priest' archetype, and is an extremely popular character from the series, second only to the main protagonist, Vash the Stampede. He is okay with killing, although he feels guilty about it, as opposed to Vash who refuses to kill at all, regardless of circumstance.

If you haven't read or seen Trigun, do so if you have some free time. Vash is a very unique hero, and Wolfwood is an amazingly badass character; not to mention the setting of the series on planet Gunsmoke is very different to usual anime and manga.

* * *

Class: Archer

Master: Tohsaka Tokiomi

True Name: Nicholas D. Wolfwood

Titles: The Punisher

Sex: Male

Height/Weight: 180cm/unknown

Alignment: Chaotic Good

Strength: A

Endurance: B

Agility: B

Mana: B+

Luck: C

Noble Phantasm: A

_**Class Skills**__-_

Riding- C

The expertise to ride animals and vehicles.

Archer possesses sufficient ability to ride most vehicles and normal animals, although he cannot ride any Phantasmal Beasts or special mounts.

Independent Action- B

The ability to remain independent even when rejecting the prana supply from the Master.

Archer can remain in the world for two days even without an established contract.

_**Personal Skills-**_

Battle Continuation- B

The ability to withdraw from combat and reach allied territory alive after being defeated.

Archer can fight even after taking otherwise fatal wounds for a short duration and can retreat well enough to reach nearby neutral or allied territory.

_**Noble Phantasms-**_

The Punisher _"The Merciful Devil Within"_ : A

Archer's sole and signature Noble Phantasm. A large, cross-shaped weapon that is immensely heavy and sturdy. The weapon is capable of stopping bullets and withstanding great force when used defensively. Twelve pistols are held in one arm of the cross, which Archer can use two at a time even without summoning _The Punisher_ in its entirety. Another arm of the cross has a machine-gun built into it, while yet another possesses a rocket launcher. None of these weapons run out of ammunition. _The Punisher_ can further only be wielded by Archer or his close friends.


	6. Shadeslayer

I own nothing, none of the characters or series used in this. Heck, I don't even own the laptop I'm writing this on.

At the end of the chapter, I'll put in the usual description of the Servant and their Abilities, and if any of you want to use any Servant portrayed here as is, with the same Noble Phantasms, abilities etc., please feel free. I only ask that you credit me and PM me with a link so I can read your story too.

Who's next ? **YOU DECIDE !**  
I will only use characters you have suggested in your reviews for all my oneshots ! So please, go ahead, review and suggest !~

* * *

Waver Velvet had often wondered what this fossilized blue piece of organic material was, and why Lord El-Melloi had kept it under such heavy guard. He had later discovered, of course, that this was a relic meant to summon a Servant – but his teacher had elected to turn down the chance to obtain a fragment of Alexander's cape for this relic! And, Waver knew, Alexander the Great was bound to be a mighty Servant. So…did that mean this blue piece of - whatever it was - summoned someone even _better_? As unlikely as that seemed, Waver had to conclude that it was the most logical option.

And so, with his heart in his mouth, he had stolen it, and used it for the Summoning ritual.

Through the dense cloud of smoke that signified the correctness of the summoning, Waver watched, spellbound, as a figure of a man came into sight.

He was tall and lanky, with a well-developed body, and long brown hair – but what immediately drew Waver's attention was the fact that the man was…unnatural. He had pointed ears, his eyes were slanted, he had some strange sort of _ethereal_ beauty and his skin glowed like faint moonlight.

"Who…" breathed Waver, but paused. That wasn't the correct question. "_What_ are you?"

The man smiled, "Legally, I suppose I'm a dwarf."

_A dwarf? _thought a dumbstruck Waver, _but he's taller than I am!_

The man noticed his confusion and continued, "But, really, I'm half-elf."

_Half what now?_ thought Waver's unresponsive mind, allowing his eyes to take in more details about his new Servant. A bow was slung across his back, and a blue sword tucked into his belt. The belt itself had numerous precious stones embedded in it, and Waver noticed – with a slight start – that the back of the man's hand was…silver.

_A bow and a sword?_ "Are you…Archer, or Saber?" queried Waver, hoping devoutly that it was the latter.

"Neither." smiled the man. "I'm Rider."

* * *

Kiritsugu Emiya, thee Magus-Killer and Master of Saber, was worried. Saber was fighting the golden Archer of Tokiomi Tohsaka, but she was slowly losing ground, the Archer not letting her close the distance between them. _Also,_ thought Kiritsugu, eyes scanning the area, _Assassin is somewhere nearby._

A rustling sound in the leaves at the opposite end of the clearing, and Kiritsugu swung his rifle around. _Assassin-?!_

Kiritsugu couldn't believe his eyes – it was _another_ Servant and his Master! Whose side were _they_ on? Perhaps it would be best to take the Master out? But then he would lose Saber to Archer, and this new Servant could possibly cause enough chaos for them to retreat.

"Rider," hissed Waver Velvet, "why couldn't you just call your mount and ride us here? I'm tired from all the running!"

"My mount, Master," replied Rider, "is not exactly _subtle_."

Waver considered this for a moment, before turning to the clearing. "Well, regardless, we should go for now, both Servants seem very strong."

Rider shook his head, and grinned. "I like facing challenges."

With a leap, Rider entered the battle.

* * *

Saber furiously parried more of Archer's seemingly endless weapons. Really, how many _treasures_ exactly did this mad king have? He didn't seem to be running out of them soon, and he had been firing for the last ten minutes, at least. Her attention was focused so much on the weapons that she nearly missed a new voice crying out something in a language she had never heard before.

"_Jierda thierra kalfis!_" cried the strangely inhuman man who had suddenly appeared, and the air around the Archer's legs warped, trying to contract and crush them. The golden Archer stared at this new development and snorted derisively, the spell failing to do more than slightly dent the armour around Archer's legs.

"What was that supposed to do, mongrel?" he sneered.

"More than it did." admitted the new arrival, and Saber felt sorry for him – no Caster could hope to win against the two of them with their high Magic Resistances and powerful abilities.

"I'll give you one piece of advice, Caster," she ground out, eyes not moving from the golden Archer, "run away now."

"Sorry, milady," replied the man, smiling, "Once I choose a course of action, I see it through, no matter the cost."

The golden Archer – Gilgamesh – sneered once more. "A mongrel with no intelligence does not deserve to be in my presence."

The man continued smiling. "_Yew Bow of Islanzadi!_"

* * *

Saber wondered exactly who this Caster was, to be able to wield a bow with such deftness. The only way, it seemed, to stop the arrows the man shot, was to deflect them or defend them with her body or sword – if she tried moving away, they would somehow follow her path, and Archer was forced to wield a sword to knock away the arrows as well, as they seemed to slip around any weapons he fired to come unerringly at his heart.

The man finally stopped firing, putting his bow back. "Well, I can see that won't do anything."

Saber decided she would have to put an end to this man's interference – Archer had decided to go stand away to the side and sneer at them from his vantage point, and if she spent too much time being distracted by this man's weak attacks, she was sure Archer would take the opportunity to snipe her from behind.

Making up her mind, Saber closed the distance between them in a flash, and swung her invisible sword at the man – who responded by drawing his own, and parrying her strike in a way that showed extensive swordsmanship expertise.

She frowned. Who exactly was this Caster, who wielded swords and bows both?

Channelling prana into _Prana Bursts_, Saber went once more on the offensive, her strikes now much stronger, the man forced slowly back, unable to deal with her enhanced strikes. Ducking under the last, he tried striking at her throat, and Saber responded by catching the tip of the blade with her armoured hand, contemptuously – and then the man _grinned_ and Saber knew she had made a mistake.

"_Brisingr._" said the man, and Saber's vision was filled with blue fire.

* * *

The area was awash with blue fire, and Saber winced in pain as her burnt right hand was jarred by defending against the man's next strike. It had truly been a stupid decision to catch the sword, but then – how could she guess that a _Caster_ of all people had not only a special bow, but also a rather powerful special sword? He was shooting blue flames around with his swings, and even Archer had had to dodge a few times to avoid being singed.

Still, this seemed to have brought Archer back into action, as he shot a veritable barrage of weapons at the man, who was forced into a furious dance, avoiding and blocking them, the blue fire of his sword slowly dying down as he was drained of prana.

"You were a worthy opponent," she called to him, "but know that your time is up now."

The man stopped, and placed his hand on his belt. "Whoever said this is all the prana I had?"

And then – somehow – Saber could make out prana flowing from the jewels on his belt into him, strengthening him once more.

"You people keep making assumptions," he continued, "whoever said I was a Caster?"

_What? _thought Saber. _Not a Caster?! Then-_

"Come forth," shouted the man, his prana flaring, grinning widely, "_Saphira!_"

* * *

Waver Velvet understood what his Servant meant when he said his mount wasn't exactly subtle, and thought that a masterful understatement.

Kiritsugu Emiya couldn't believe his eyes, and wondered whether even Saber and Archer _combined_ could deal with this new problem.

Saber's mind flew back to her days when she was alive, when beasts like the ones she was facing were the bane of her existence as a knight, when hundreds of her comrades perished to such creatures.

Archer was silenced, the sneer falling off his face, and that in itself showed how much he was shocked by this turn of events.

Saphira – a massive, blue-hued _dragon – roared_ wildly, the air filled with blue flames that eclipsed the moon, the earth shaking as the creature settled onto the ground, its wings beating a gust that nearly blew Kiritsugu off his vantage point. Its tail flicked, throwing Waver onto its back, behind a perched Rider.

Rider grinned. "Shall we, Saphira?"

_Yes, Little One._

"I am Eragon Bromsson!" exulted Rider, and the dragon roared its approval, "and Saphira and I will be winning this war for our Master!"

* * *

Alright ! So there's the sixth one. Please, go ahead and suggest characters! If I don't get any suggestions, I can't make the next chappy…

I know, I know, I'm overusing Waver Velvet – but can I help it? He is amazingly easy to write well, and I'm not sure how well I can portray the whole Shinji/Sakura thing as Rider's Master. Eragon is an amazing fit for Rider, but really, he could be Caster, Saber, or even Archer – and that makes him highly versatile and powerful. The blue piece of whatever is, obviously, a fragment of Saphira's egg.

The suggestion to use Eragon came from shadowbird852. Again, much like the Han Solo suggestion, I had no sooner read it when I thought – _damn,_ I **have** to write that. The name of the chapter, is a reference to Eragon's feat of killing a Shade, and was one of his well-known titles when he was alive.

Eragon, for those of you who don't know, is the protagonist of Christopher Paolini's _Inheritance_ Series of books. He is a Dragon Rider, who joins the Varden ( a group of rebels ) to fight the vile and tyrannical King Galbatorix. He is born human, is accepted by the dwarves, and becomes half-elf due to Dragon Rider magic.

If you haven't read the Inheritance Series, please do. They are big books, yes, and take a while to read, but it's worth it. The movie isn't that great, so just check it out if you have nothing better to do.

* * *

Class: Rider

Master: Waver Velvet

True Name: Eragon Bromsson

Titles: Shadeslayer, Argetlam, too many to list.

Sex: Male

Height/Weight: Exact details unknown

Alignment: Orderly Good

Strength: B

Endurance: B

Agility: A

Mana: A

Luck: B

Noble Phantasm: A+

_**Class Skills**__-_

Riding- EX

The expertise to ride animals and vehicles.

Rider possesses unparalleled riding ability, a fact made clear by the knowledge that his favoured mount, and one he has formed a deep and lasting bond with is a _Dragon Kind_, a beast notoriously difficult to tame and ride.

Independent Action- A

The ability to remain independent even when rejecting the prana supply from the Master.

Rider's jewelled belt serves as a source for prana, allowing him to remain in the real world for up to one week even while engaging in battles, without a Master.

_**Personal Skills-**_

Charisma- B

The natural talent to command an army.

Rider possesses enough charisma to be the king of a country. He was temporarily the leader of his rebel forces, which gave him enough expertise and knowledge.

High-Speed Divine Words- A

The power to activate Thaumaturgy without the use of Magic Circuits. The language of the Age of Gods, back when words played a heavy role in spellcasting. As such, it is power long lost by modern magi.

Rider is an expert in the usage of the true language to cast spells, capable of dealing with multiple enemies simultaneously with naught but a single spell.

Enhanced Body- B

The possession of a body enhanced beyond normal parameters by some means.

Rider's body was enhanced due to ancient magics, that caused him to lose all of his original battle-scarring and multiplied his strength, agility and reflexes.

_**Noble Phantasms-**_

Yew Bow of Islanzadi _"The Elf-Queen's Blessing"_ : C

Rider's weakest Noble Phantasm, it is an enchanted yew bow and a quiver of magic, swan-fletched arrows gifted to him by the Queen of the Elves. The arrows, once fired from this bow, will never miss their target. However, they do not possess extraordinary penetrating power, and can be stopped by sufficiently strong defences.

Brisingr _"Sapphire Fires Springing from a Warrior's Soul"_ : A

Rider's blue-bladed sword. Made with his own hands and an elven blacksmith's assistance, in resonance with his mount's soul. It is unbreakable to almost anything, almost equalling the famed _Excalibur_ in sheer strength and endurance. Whenever Rider calls out the name of the sword, it will burn with a blue fire, allowing him to cut through even tempered steel. The fires spread with each swing of his sword.

Saphira _"The Other Half of an Unbreakable Bond"_ : A++

Rider's mount and partner, _Saphira Bjartskular_, a massive blue-hued dragon with scales that shimmer like sapphires. She is capable of shooting forth blasts of raging blue flame, and is immensely strong and well-armoured. Her strong wings generate gusts every time she moves them, and her teeth and claws can tear through any material known to man. She is capable of speedy flight, and can communicate telepathically with Eragon.


	7. They Call Me

I own nothing, none of the characters or series used in this. Heck, I don't even own the laptop I'm writing this on.

At the end of the chapter, I'll put in the usual description of the Servant and their Abilities, and if any of you want to use any Servant portrayed here as is, with the same Noble Phantasms, abilities etc., please feel free. I only ask that you credit me and PM me with a link so I can read your story too.

Who's next ? **YOU DECIDE !**  
I will only use characters you have suggested in your reviews for all my oneshots ! So please, go ahead, review and suggest !~

In response to **nightmaster00**, I do not plan on making any of these a full-length story; I don't think I'm suited towards writing those, haha. But if anyone wants to make any oneshot a full-length story, please, go ahead; just link me so I can read your work. And if you mean suggestions as to characters I should use, yes, I do. That's the premise of this, after all.

* * *

_I want to live!_ screamed Shirou Emiya in his mind, even as the red-clad figure drew steadily closer to him. It grinned predatorily, and shifted the haft of its spear so the tip pointed straight at Shirou's heart, and spoke. "Sorry kid, but my Master wants you dead."

And then the Grail stepped in, a long-forgotten magic circle flaring to life, and Lancer, sensing the build-up of energy, thrust his spear at the boy, hoping to end his life before anything happened –

_Clang._

Shirou Emiya could vaguely make out a humanoid figure through his pain-clouded eyes. A man dressed in the traditional robes of a samurai, white-and-grey, a straw hat on his head and wooden _geta_ on his feet, had just blocked Lancer's spear with a flashing draw of his katana.

_A samurai?_ thought Shirou's befuddled mind. _Why would a samurai be here?_

Shirou lost himself to blessed unconsciousness in seconds, missing out on watching the newly arrived samurai handily parry all of Lancer's strikes and go on the offensive, forcing Lancer to retreat.

"-aster? Master?"

"I'm awake, I'm awake!" shouted Shirou, sitting up straight, his eyes reflexively scanning for Taiga Furinji's dangerous _bokken_. Then his gaze fell on the samurai in front of him, and he wondered if he was still dreaming.

"Look," asked Shirou, "who exactly _are_ you?"

The man showed no response, his face stoic and unmoving. "My name has been forgotten by my legend. However, they call me…"

What people called the man, Shirou would have to wait for a while to know, for Rin Tohsaka and a red-clad man took this opportunity to burst in, Tohsaka's painfully loud remonstrations hurting Shirou's head.

* * *

_Why me?_ wondered Shirou.

Archer watched the new Saber out of the corner of his eye, as Rin was explaining the concept of the Holy Grail War to Shirou.

_Who is he? Where is Arturia?_ bemused, Archer noted Saber sheathing his sword with a flourish.

_His Noble Phantasm…trace on!_

And Archer, master faker, discovered there were more swords out there _even he_ couldn't copy.

A stifled exclamation involuntarily burst from his mouth, and the samurai was immediately gazing into his eyes with a hawk-like stare. Archer mentally cursed, and fervently hoped the man had not sensed the sudden spike of prana or the sudden shimmer that had coalesced in Archer's hands before dissipating against his control.

The man's eyes, however, told Archer that he had missed nothing.

And Heroic Spirit EMIYA, who would face the King of Kings without a qualm, found out that some things could still make him nervous.

* * *

Lancer charged. The Saber that had defeated – no, Lancer refused to admit he had been defeated or forced into a retreat, he had merely been deadlocked with the man – was facing away from him, in conversation with his Master.

A perfect opportunity, really, for the Hound of Ulster to gain the advantage.

The sunlight from the setting sun flashed against the trees, alternate patches of bright light and darkness playing across the clearing, and Lancer felt a leaf be blown out of its normal path by the force of his charge, and in a second – Saber and his master _disappeared._

_What the hell?_

One second they had been there, and the next – nothing! Lancer couldn't even sense them! What the hell was this Saber doing? Had he somehow run away?

And then, Lancer's battle-honed skills kicked in, as an arrow aimed straight for his unprotected neck was batted away by the haft of Gae Bolg.

Lancer tensed. _This Saber-?!_

Why was this Saber behaving like an Archer and an Assassin combined?

* * *

Lancer growled as he blocked another arrow. He had stopped at least fifty arrows so far, and was rapidly losing count. His Master was frustrated with the battle, he could tell: and he was too.

_A battle,_ he snorted contemptuously, batting away another well-aimed projectile, _this isn't a battle._

Then the sun set, and where there had been nobody – just a patch of bright sunlight – a minute ago, stood Saber and his master, the former unhurriedly drawing his blade, the latter shaking in his boots as he realized Lancer could see them.

_Good_, thought Lancer, satisfied with the Master's response. _Even the Master is not confident about this Saber. I will defeat him easily._ "_Gae Bolg: Spear of Impaling Barbed Death!_" cried Lancer, activating his cursed spear's Noble Phantasm, with the power to invert causality itself and strike.

What was: "the spear was thrown, so the target was hit" became "the target was hit, so the spear was thrown."

Or, at least, that was the theory.

Lancer, unfortunately, had made one single mistake. He had taken the lack of confidence of Saber's Master as a reflection on Saber's abilities. What he didn't realize was that Shirou Emiya had not yet got around to even _asking_ Saber about his abilities, and was basing his confidence around the fact that so far he had merely seen his Saber hide and shoot arrows.

Which is why Lancer found himself gaping, as the tip of _Gae Bolg_ had been stopped by the flat of Saber's blade.

"You – how- what?" sputtered a befuddled Lancer, as his supposedly unblockable cursed spear had just been blocked.

"_The Unnamed Blade._" intoned Saber, his voice never changing at all.

"How? How did you stop _Gae Bolg_?" screamed Lancer, angered by the emotionless behaviour of his enemy.

"This sword was forged to fight the greatest darkness." replied Saber. "No ability founded on a curse will be able to bypass it."

Lancer ground his teeth as he pondered this new information. If true, it meant _Gae Bolg_ was at a disadvantage. Unless…

Making up his mind, Lancer leaped into the air. "_Gae Bolg: The Spear of Soaring Death Flight!_" he cried, launching his weapon as a rain of explosive spears, a Noble Phantasm capable of wiping out armies with a single use.

_Yes,_ thought Lancer, smirking to himself, _whether you stop _Gae Bolg_ or not, the explosions will kill you._

And then Saber grabbed his Master, and the two of them _flew_. Or, that was what it looked like to Lancer, the duo attaining a height of over three storeys and counting, Lancer watching stunned as they rose even higher, in a straight vertical path, easily avoiding the explosions.

_What in Lugh's name was that?!_ screamed Lancer's mind, and he watched, spellbound, as the two landed so gracefully that an observer would never credit them with having jumped more than a foot.

Then the man's hand flashed out, and Lancer wondered why he was suddenly being thrown backwards, and did his shoulder hurt?

A bone-crunching impact later, Lancer found himself pinned to a tree by Saber's sword going through his armour like it was nothing, pain shooting through his body. _Gae Bolg _had been knocked from his grasp, and Lancer found himself defenceless, unable to move his right arm, which he used for any runes he wished to draw. He just had one last gamble…

As Saber approached within a few feet of him, Lancer steeled himself, grabbed the hilt of Saber's sword, _tore_ it out of his shoulder, and jumped at Saber, his mind blank, overcome with adrenaline, pain and fury.

Saber was clearly surprised, and he made no defense – and a small part of Lancer's mind crowed, as he had aimed to decapitate – the sword was about to strike him, there was no way Saber would escape – until the sword _stopped_ itself on touching Saber's skin.

With a flick of his wrist and a punch, Saber had effectively disarmed him once more, taking back his sword and sheathing it. Lancer lay prone on the ground, bleeding from his mouth where the punch had connected, and from the gaping wound on his shoulder made worse by his ripping the sword out forcibly.

"My sword does not cut the pure of heart." said Saber, seeing the query in Lancer's eyes.

"Who – who the hell are you?" gasped Lancer.

"I will tell you what I told my Master," said Saber, and Shirou paid attention, realizing he had never heard the full explanation, "My legend has forgotten my real name, but –"

For some unknowable reason, a chill went up the spines of Shirou and Lancer as the samurai finished his sentence.

"- they call me Jack."

* * *

Alright ! So there's the seventh one. Please, go ahead and suggest characters! If I don't get any suggestions, I can't make the next chappy…

Woohoo! The first Saber of the fic! And it's very appropriate, since it's for Jack – full pseudonym, Samurai Jack – who was one of the very first characters on kids' television to be a sword-wielding warrior, and really, the first Samurai we ( or at least, I ) were introduced to.

The suggestion to use Samurai Jack came from The Infamous Man, **and** RavingScholar. It instantly brought to mind the memories of my childhood, when I used to cheer along as Jack fought and frown when the cowardly and treacherous Aku made his escape ( as he always did ). I don't know how well I've written him, since it's been almost seven years since I've seen the show, but I hope I did him justice!

Samurai Jack, for those of you who don't know ( and there must be quite a few ), is the protagonist of the series _Samurai Jack_ that used to air on Cartoon Network. Jack is a noble samurai sent, against his will, to the future, where he must battle Aku, the literal personification of evil, and the multiple evil goons such villains always have.

If you were a child when this series ran, and you didn't see it, you really missed something.

* * *

Class: Saber

Master: Shirou Emiya

True Name: Unknown. Legend is based on the pseudonym Jack.

Titles: -

Sex: Male

Height/Weight: Exact details unknown.

Alignment: Orderly Good

Strength: A

Endurance: A

Agility: A

Mana: A

Luck: C

Noble Phantasm: A+

_**Class Skills**__-_

Riding- E

The expertise to ride animals and vehicles.

Saber is completely untalented at riding all save horses, and is highly likely to crash other mounts, particularly vehicles.

Presence Concealment- B+

The ability to conceal one's presence and hide in plain sight. Usually the hallmark of the Assassin class.

Saber possesses the ability to entirely hide his presence, and that of any one person he is in contact with, when he is within a patch of bright sunlight. He has no above normal skill in this in any other scenario.

_**Personal Skills-**_

Expert of Many Specializations- A++

The access to and use of, many expert skills.

Saber has trained with a large number of masters of diverse arts, learning the art of Archery from Robin Hood, fighting styles from every continent of the world, and even the skill to leap huge distances in a single bound and fall gracefully from massive heights.

Eye of the Mind (True)- A

The possession of heightened insight refined through experience.

Saber is a veteran of countless battles, capable of reading battle situations in a split-second and reacting to them in the same time.

Vitrification- B+

A serene state of mind that nullifies mental interference.

Saber is a samurai well-versed in maintaining a calm and stoic nature at all times. This ability further supplements his Presence Concealment.

Zen Enhancement- B

The ability to go berserk in battle ( rank-up to all basic stats save Luck and Mana ) without losing one's sanity.

Saber often went berserk in battle, particularly when faced with an overwhelming number of opponents, but never once did he lose his sanity and turn into a beast due to his knowledge of maintaining a state of Zen in his mind.

_**Noble Phantasms-**_

The Unnamed Blade _"Three Gods and a Warrior's Pure Heart"_ : A+

Much like its wielder, the blade's name has been lost to time and isn't enshrined in his legend. Forged by the efforts of three supremely powerful Gods and with a true warrior's pure soul as a catalyst, the sword is capable of easily slicing through all but the most magically protected materials. For as long as Saber wields the sword, he and his Master will remain unharmed by any cursed weapons or magic, or any items that have a dark nature or history. However, the sword does double the usual damage against such weapons or beings. Evil itself, therefore, flees from the touch of this sword. The sword cannot cut the pure of heart, including Saber himself.


	8. Savvy?

I own nothing, none of the characters or series used in this. Heck, I don't even own the laptop I'm writing this on.

At the end of the chapter, I'll put in the usual description of the Servant and their Abilities, and if any of you want to use any Servant portrayed here as is, with the same Noble Phantasms, abilities etc., please feel free. I only ask that you credit me and PM me with a link so I can read your story too.

Who's next ? **YOU DECIDE !**  
I will only use characters you have suggested in your reviews for all my oneshots ! So please, go ahead, review and suggest !~

* * *

The Holy Grail was corrupted by the spirit of Angra Mainyu. The corruption bent the boundaries of _Heroic Spirit_ and the definitions of classes, with people often most unsuited to a particular class being summoned as a Servant of that class. It was so, that in a particular universe, a master swordsman was accidentally summoned by Caster to act as Assassin.

This is not the tale of that universe.

Caster watched the summoning circle flare to life, smiling wickedly to herself. She had succeeded in summoning Assassin, and she would be certain to win the war now, with two Servants working together. Souchirou-sama would be so pleased!

The customary burst of smoke, and Caster wrinkled her nose in disgust. Was that the smell of stale alcohol? Had she summoned some sort of drunken-fist master? Rapidly running through the possible names in her mind, she waited for the smoke to clear.

"'Ello, love." said her Servant. He was clutching a bottle of what she could make out was rum in his hand, swaying even as he stood, outlandish with his dreadlocks, pirate hat, and dirty, ragged clothing. Two badly-maintained pistols were stuck haphazardly into his belt, as well as a cutlass. A strange circular artefact was hung from it as well.

"Fancy a sip?" continued the man, extending the rum bottle to her. Caster frowned. This overt display of familiarity in their relationship she did not want. She was the Master, and he would obey her every command like a good Servant should, not even daring to speak in her presence unless she commanded it.

With a sweep of her hand, she knocked the rum bottle out of his grasp and sent it crashing to the floor. "Oy!" cried her Servant, "why'd you have to go and do that, then?"

"Listen well, Assassin." she hissed, her voice cold, her eyes shining with sadistic pleasure, "you will do what I say, when I say, how I say it." With a gesture of her hand and some magic, she sent him into convulsions, the pain of a thousand knives shooting through his body. "Am I clear?"

"Inescapably." gasped her Servant, falling to the floor as the pain ceased.

Caster smiled.

* * *

"Um, Saber," spoke up Shirou nervously.

"What is it, Shirou?" replied his Servant curtly, her eyes fixed on the gate to Caster's temple. Really, why did Shirou insist on talking when they were so close to their goal? Didn't he know it could reveal their position?

"There's…a man with a wooden eye, hiding behind that tree." pointed Shirou.

_What?_ Saber swung around, eyes turning to the direction. _An ambush?_ She stopped, at a loss, when she saw what Shirou was pointing out. There was a man hiding behind the tree, it was clear: ragged clothing, bad hygiene, and an overall aura of seediness, but the main thing was he was _so_ clearly visible that Saber wondered if he had even been trying to hide. Perhaps it was a trap? It was either that or the man was utterly incompetent, and that couldn't be the case, right?

The man gasped on seeing her look at him, and immediately turned around, sitting down, hands in his ears.

"Saber?" cut in Shirou once more. "He's talking to himself."

Saber strained to catch the man's voice, hoping it would allay her confusion. What she heard merely exacerbated it.

"If you can't see them, they can't see you. If you can't hear them, they can't hear you."

Saber stood there, stunned, and Shirou took the opportunity to shout back, "We can hear you, you know. And see you too."

The man jumped up, startled, eyes wide with fear and pointing at Saber. "It's her! She's a witch!"

Saber's eye twitched, and her grip on _Excalibur_ tightened. She, a witch?

"Who…are you?" she ground out, fingers twitching.

"Oh, I'm Assassin." replied the man, continuing even though his two listeners now stood stunned at the knowledge, wondering how on earth this man could be Assassin, "Well, to be more clear, I'm actually part of Assassin's abilities."

Saber relaxed fractionally. So that was how this was? An Assassin capable of summoning more people? If all of them were as incompetent as this one, she would have no trouble with him.

"Mr. Ragetti!" called a new voice, and the man snapped to attention, gulping. "Yes, Captain?"

"Take a break." came the reply, and a bullet found itself in Ragetti's torso, the man collapsing and slowly fading gulped at this display of callousness, and Saber turned to regard the new arrival. Another man with ragged clothing and badly maintained weapons, although clearly the one in charge, considering the other had called him 'Captain'.

"You killed him!" shouted Shirou angrily, pointing at the man.

"Him?" replied the new arrival contemptuously, "that witless one-eyed idiot will be glad to go back to my ship. He'll want to meet his uncle, although why anyone would want to meet that belligerent homunculus is beyond me. Anyway," continued the man, "I can call him back again if I need to."

Saber pushed past Shirou and stood facing the new arrival. This was clearly the real Assassin, and if he could re-summon his underlings when they died – well, this would be a longer fight than she thought.

"I'd say 'Ello love', to you, darling," said Assassin, swaying in place and talking to Saber, "but the last woman I told that to nearly killed me. Besides, I find I never had much luck with blonde women. Inexplicably, they dislike my charming self."

Saber could sympathize with them.

"So, love," called Assassin, "since everyone here's a man of their word, save you, what with being a woman and all, why don't we make this a fair fight?"

Saber smiled. Perhaps this Assassin wasn't so bad after all? Anyone willing to fight her fairly was either stupid or brave, and often both. She nodded.

"Excellent!" said Assassin, clapping his hands, "Now, why don't you send your Master to the side, and we can have a good and noble fight, eh?"

"Shirou, go." said Saber, her eyes not moving from the man. Reluctantly, Shirou Emiya moved to the side of the clearing, watching as the Assassin drew his cutlass.

"Swords only?" he asked, and Saber replied by charging at him ready to cut him up with a vertical slash.

Then the sounds of ringing metal all over the clearing, as Assassin ducked and parried for his life, the seemingly petite Saber almost slashing him apart on more than a few occasions. The sounds of clashing metal, though, masked one other very important sound – a dull _thud -_ and then the sounds of a body being dragged across the grass.

* * *

Saber smiled to herself as her adversary leaped back once more, only narrowly avoiding her slash. His sword was already chipping away, and she was clearly the superior swordsperson. Assassin had made a mistake deciding to fight fair against _her_.

Then a new voice from the trees behind Assassin cried, "Cap'n, we got him!"

"Excellent." replied Assassin, sheathing his sword. "Bring him out here, Mr. Gibbs."

Saber's heart crashed as she saw the new arrival emerge from behind Assassin. It was another ragged, untidy man, one she identified as another part of Assassin's abilities, but what drew her attention was the fact that _he had Shirou!_

She turned wildly to where she had earlier told Shirou to go, finding the spot empty of anyone, although a conspicuously dropped wooden club told her everything she needed to know. The unconscious Shirou was being cradled by the man, his sword out and ready to strike.

"I believe _that_ makes me the winner, love." said Assassin.

Saber didn't reply, readying herself for the fastest charge of her life, prana pooling at her legs, ready to activate her Invisible Air to send her shooting forward in a last-ditch attempt to free Shirou.

"None of that, darling." spoke up Assassin, his eyes drawn to the visible prana around her legs. "_The Black Pearl._"

And then a massive ship suddenly formed in front of Saber, obscuring her view of Shirou and her path to him, and Assassin was standing on the masthead, at least fifty others with drawn weapons and guns facing her.

"Let him go!" screamed Saber to the skies, "Kill me instead!"

"No one's killing anyone, love." called back Assassin, "what we have here, is a situation of parsley."

_Parsley?_ wondered Saber.

One of the men standing next to Assassin whispered something furiously into his ear.

"Parley! I mean, parley!" corrected Assassin. "We're going to have a little talk."

Saber forced herself to listen calmly to the terms. Surprisingly, it was rather moderate, all things considered – she and Shirou would retreat for now, but were allowed to return tomorrow to fight again – and Assassin and his crew would be left unharmed.

With no other solution in sight, Saber accepted the terms sullenly, taking back Shirou and leaving. While she was leaving, she called back, "You cheated."

"Assassin." he replied, expecting the answer to be self-evident.

"Had we fought fair, I would have crushed you!"

"Not really an incentive to fight fair, is it?" Waving merrily at them, Assassin winked at Saber, and he, his ship, and his crew disappeared into the night.

The last thing Saber heard was Assassin irritatedly shouting "Must this monkey be a part of my legend?" followed by howls and screeches from what sounded like a very violent chimpanzee.

* * *

Caster was most displeased as Assassin walked into her chambers. The alcoholic lout had Saber's Master prone and ready to be killed, and he let them retreat!

_I will have to make sure he understands my displeasure._ she thought, watching Assassin intently. She waited for him to explain himself. Not that she planned to listen, of course: the silence was meant to intimidate.

"Funny thing, this." started Assassin, lifting the circular thing she had noticed earlier. "Got it from this witch. Now," he flipped the lid open, "it is, as you can see, indubitably a compass. But what you can _also_ see is the needle," he pointed to the needle, "not pointing North. Why?"

Caster made a dismissive noise indicating that she thought the reason why he had a broken compass wasn't worth considering.

"Because," said Assassin, wagging his finger, "the compass shows me the direction of whatever I want the most."

Caster's eyes widened. _Useful-!_

"Until an hour ago, what I most wanted," continued Assassin, "was _freedom_. And you have this nifty little purple dagger thing, don't you?" Assassin pulled out a purple dagger that made Caster's eyes widen to the maximum and her to stand up abruptly, calling upon her magic to inflict pain on her Servant once more.

She was fractionally too late, as Assassin cut himself with _Rule Breaker_, the crystallized essence of betrayal, shattering all spells laid on him – including her contract with him! He was free!

Assassin drew his gun, tossing _Rule Breaker_ back at her with a flick of his wrist.

"How- how did you steal my _Noble Phantasm_ from me?" screamed Caster, all battle instincts forgotten by the overwhelming shock she encountered.

"When you imprisoned me with your contract," said Assassin, smiling widely, "you forgot one very important thing. I'm Captain Jack Sparrow. Savvy?"

Anyone passing by the temple then would have heard a shot, a woman's scream, and a man's voice singing "Now, bring me that horizon~"

* * *

Alright ! So there's the eighth one. Please, go ahead and suggest characters! If I don't get any suggestions, I can't make the next chappy…

One more Assassin, and this time it's Jack Sparrow! Also, the longest chapter yet, this. Jack is just so fun to write – so different from all the other Heroic Spirits. In that sense, he's sort of like Sherlock Holmes, whose very personality makes him interesting. Now, as to how Jack stole _Rule Breaker_ – I have no idea. The best explanation is that he's Captain Jack Sparrow, and that's that.

The suggestion to use Jack Sparrow-as-Assasin came from Mordalfus Grea. Initially, I wondered how it was possible – Jack's more of a Rider, much like Sir Francis Drake, but then this thought struck me; and the potential was so good that I wrote it in a flash, even though I had planned to take a few days before starting work on the next chapter. Expect a little break, perhaps till the beginning of next week, for the next chapter: unless another super-awesome idea makes me write, of course.

_Captain _Jack Sparrow ( don't forget the 'Captain' ) is the protagonist of Disney's _Pirates of the Caribbean _series. An honourless, treacherous sneak and prodigious liar, Jack often prefers running away and negotiating to engaging in battle. However, he does possess great skill in battle, able to pull out the unexpected moves that others thought impossible. He captained _The Black Pearl_, the fastest ship on all the seven seas.

Go ahead, watch the series, if only for Jack.

* * *

Class: Assassin

Master: Caster (initially), None

True Name: Jack Sparrow

Titles: Pirate Lord of the Caribbean

Sex: Male

Height/Weight: 175cm/unknown

Alignment: Chaotic Neutral

Strength: C+

Endurance: C+

Agility: B

Mana: B

Luck: A

Noble Phantasm: B+

_**Class Skills**__-_

Riding- B+

The expertise to ride animals and vehicles.

Assassin is extremely talented at commandeering naval vehicles, and to an extent horses and other animals, but cannot ride any magical beasts or very modern vehicles.

Presence Concealment- D+

The ability to conceal one's presence and hide in plain sight. Usually the hallmark of the Assassin class.

Assassin is not particularly stealthy, and would normally not be summoned as Assassin class except in the case of corruption in the part of the Holy Grail.

_**Personal Skills-**_

Disengage- A

The ability to break away from combat.

Assassin is very adept at breaking away from combat and fleeing the scene. He is capable of fleeing all but the swiftest of Servants, assuming even those Servants can track his escape.

Nature of a Rebellious Spirit- A+

The temperament to never remain at one location and never embrace a lord. A wandering star that does not have the capacity to be king nor is capable of finding his own king.

Assassin has lived his whole life on the principle that _freedom_is the most important thing in his life. This principle has been so integral to his existence that it is impossible for him to be swayed by any Charisma or offers made to him to serve under someone.

Pioneer of the Stars- EX

All difficult voyages and challenges which are considered "impossible" turn into "events that can be realized."

Assassin is unsurpassed in the art of turning the impossible into the possible. Events and abilities considered beyond the natural law can be performed if they are made to facilitate a voyage or task. Even in life, Assassin was adept at performing such feats, coming back from the dead on one occasion.

_**Noble Phantasms-**_

The Compass _"Reveal the Heart's Desire"_ : C

A magical compass gifted to Assassin by a witch he knew in life, it points to the direction of whatever the person holding it desires for the most.

The Black Pearl _"Cursed Ship that Outsails Death"_ : A-

Assassin's signature mount in life, _The Black Pearl_ is a large, Georgian-era pirate gunship. The fastest ship on the seven seas, it is capable of outperforming any other naval vehicle, even ones developed later in the future. Assassin also calls forth the crew of the ship to fight alongside him, and can even summon them separately to use for various tasks. If the crew are killed when outside of the ship, they return to it; if killed when on the ship, they do not return for that Grail War. The true rank of this _Noble Phantasm_ is A+, however due to Assassin being summoned as an Assassin instead of a Rider, it is ranked down to A-.


	9. First of the Telcontar

I own nothing, none of the characters or series used in this. Heck, I don't even own the laptop I'm writing this on.

At the end of the chapter, I'll put in the usual description of the Servant and their Abilities, and if any of you want to use any Servant portrayed here as is, with the same Noble Phantasms, abilities etc., please feel free. I only ask that you credit me and PM me with a link so I can read your story too.

Who's next ? **YOU DECIDE !**  
I will only use characters you have suggested in your reviews for all my oneshots ! So please, go ahead, review and suggest !~

* * *

Kiritsugu Emiya frowned to himself. This was not what he had been expecting. The relic he had used should have had connections only to the legendary King Arthur, who would serve as a suitable Saber for his purposes. Indeed, it was hard to consider any other defeating the might of _Excalibur_ when backed with the defense of _Avalon_.

Instead, he had summoned someone else. He looked instantly to his left, finding Irisviel and the Einzbern elders as surprised as he was about the unexpected turn of events. No magus except perhaps Kotomine Kirei could fake that sudden twitch of surprise, the tightening of jaw muscles, the slight widening of the eyes that had accompanied the summoning's unexpected result.

_So this isn't an Einzbern plot._ he thought to himself grimly. He knew it was wrong to consider that his lovely wife could ever be party to such deception, but the renowned Magus-Killer didn't get to where he was by allowing emotions to cloud his judgment, after all. Indeed, once he had even shot dead someone wearing the appearance of Irisviel – some pathetic magus had thought it would slow him, stop him, throw him off his game - but Emiya Kiritsugu had just completed his kill efficiently, like swatting a bug.

Then he had gone home and kissed his wife.

He eyed his new Servant warily, sizing him up. He would have to discover exactly who this man was and what he could do. Emiya was a hardened warrior enough to know that Murphy's Law – things that can go wrong, _will_ – applied to battle, magic and even, it seemed, summoning.

The man was lean, dark-skinned, and tall; his steely gray eyes, partially obscured by his shaggy mane of brown-and-grey hair, flickered this way and that, studying his surroundings intently. His body was not unduly tensed, but not relaxed either; the stance of a man prepared for anything. Kiritsugu found himself internally sizing up the man as someone who had _lived_ and _breathed_ war and battle during his life, and smiled.

There was more in common to the Magus-Killer than he had originally suspected. And besides, the sword sheathed at his waist told Kiritsugu that even if he hadn't summoned the Servant he wanted, at least the class itself was correct.

And really, trading one battle-hardened Saber for another wasn't so bad.

* * *

Kiritsugu was in position; on a roof overlooking the scene where a flashy, showy Servant and his clearly afraid and stuttering Master – Kiritsugu was thoroughly _unimpressed_ by the boy's indecisiveness – were inviting someone to come fight them. Kiritsugu had initially considered this a trap, however on closer examination of the terrain and the behaviour of his potential enemies, he realized the strange Servant was just really that straightforward.

A small part of Kiritsugu applauded the Servant's courage and confidence; the remaining thanked the Root he had such dense and easily predictable enemies. Slowly chambering his rifle, Kiritsugu lifted his walkie-talkie, and confirmed, "You can enter."

His Saber strolled calmly into the clearing, the slight rustling of the grass underfoot enough to draw the attention of the enemy Servant. The enemy Servant bellowed something unintelligible, and Saber showed no response, his face wooden.

Jumping to the ground, the _massive_ enemy Servant bellowed once more, "I am Rider! King Iskandar the Great!" His whole posture was that of a massive bull, a beast of sinew and muscle and thundering force ready to charge, to strike, to trample underfoot. Rider drew his strangely-shaped sword, roaring a challenge.

His Servant dipped his head slightly, as if in a shallow bow to acknowledge the introduction, but replied nothing. His hands free at his sides, his sword sheathed, to a casual observer he looked like a friend walking toward another.

To a warrior such as Rider or Kiritsugu Emiya, he looked like a great and lean timber wolf slowly stalking its prey.

And then, with a clash, the two forces of nature collided.

* * *

Rider couldn't stop himself from smiling widely, even though he was on the losing end of the exchange of blades. He had finally found a true warrior to test himself against, and the Saber he faced was certainly more skilled with the blade, as he should be. Leaping backward to turn a vicious slash into a shallow cut on his torso, Rider decided it was time to show this Saber why he was a Rider in the first place.

"_Gordius Wheel!_" he roared, slashing the air with his sword, summoning forth the mighty Gordian Chariot, drawn by divine bulls, lightning detonating around the chariot even as it stood. The Saber was forced to move away to avoid being clipped by the lightning, but Rider had no intent to allow him to escape – "_Via Expugnatio!_" he continued, and the chariot _disappeared_ from sight, covering a hundred meters in less than a second, a hundred tonnes of thundering weight and sparking lightning roaring into existence where Saber stood.

Saber cursed and jumped back, but Rider smiled – he had not been fast enough, and Saber was _now bleeding badly from his torso_, and the wince on Saber's face indicated that at least two ribs if not more were broken_._ There was no way Saber could continue fighting at his initial level with such a bad blow, and victory, ultimate conquest, was within Rider's grasp.

"_Athelas_." said the Saber, who didn't seem to be worried at all, drawing something green from a pouch on his person and placing it on the wound – and before Rider's astonished eyes, the wound rapidly closed up, the ribs visibly reforming and resetting themselves.

Rider cast off his astonishment and paused. Saber didn't seem to be able to stop his charge, and he would just have to strike directly to deal injuries so severe Saber wouldn't even be able to heal himself.

Aiming himself carefully, Rider and his chariot charged once more, the ground rupturing beneath them due to their sheer power.

They struck directly.

And yet they were being stopped by Saber's sword, and it didn't look like the sword was even scratched after coming into contact with divine lightning and sinew.

"_Andúril._" said Saber, and a shimmering, transcendental flame seemed to lick against the blade of the sword. "The sword that was broken and reforged, cannot be broken again." Disengaging, Saber went back a good distance and watched Rider warily.

Rider paused to ponder. An unbreakable Noble Phantasm would render his charges moot. It was perhaps time to finish this conquest.

Making up his mind, Rider dismounted, and allowed _Gordius Wheel_ to dissipate. Drawing his sword, he thrust it violently into the ground, and spoke: "_Ionoi Hetaroi._"

The world changed.

* * *

Where there had once been a badly-scarred clearing of trees and abandoned buildings, now there was endless sand. A violent sun scorched the earth, and rustling winds flung the heated sand endlessly about. Rider's whole posture changed, that of one who was at home. A black horse loomed out of the sand, and Rider mounted it, rubbing it affectionately. And then the sandstorm cleared, and Saber could see an apparently endless army of warriors, from countries near and far, organizing themselves into formations of war and slowly, steadily, unstoppably, marching towards him.

"My men are here!" roared Rider, "what will you do now, Saber? The men who served me so faithfully in life will never desert their King in the time of his need!"

Saber watched them carefully, and replied. "Your men are indeed valiant, o King. But they do not compare to mine. _High King of the Reunited Kingdom._"

For an instant, nothing happened, save Saber's growing smile and Rider's growing unease. Then the sounds of rushing water, anathema to the desert, drew the attention of King and warrior alike, and ships flying a strange standard materialized on a river that had never been there a second ago.

Saber looked Rider in the eye, and spoke. "The men of Gondor." In an instant, ten thousand heavily-armed infantry men formed into existence behind Saber, screaming hoarse battlecries. "The riders of Rohan." Rider's eyes flickered to his left as six thousand cavalrymen appeared on a sand dune overlooking the battle, swords drawn and lances raised. "The Grey Company." Thirty-one riders in grey cloaks drew up behind Saber, their postures and confidence proclaiming their ability that matched most _Heroic Spirits_ themselves. "The Oathbreakers." An endless horde of skeletal warriors disembarked from the ships that had drawn up, their very existence sucking the life out of the land underneath them, their visages grim and terrifying.

"Shall we see, o King of Conquerors? Whose army is greater? The army of Iskandar, or the army of Aragorn II Elessar, son of Arathorn?"

Rider gave the only reply he could possibly give, and a great battle unremembered by history was joined.

* * *

Alright ! So there's the ninth one. Please, go ahead and suggest characters! If I don't get any suggestions, I can't make the next chappy…

The second Saber, and it's one of the most famous sword wielders with one of the most famous swords, Aragorn and Andúril. I apologize for the delay with the chapter, but subsequent chapters are also going to be quite few and far between – lots of stuff to do in real life, but whenever I find free time you can rest assured I'll write.

The suggestion to use Aragorn-as-Saber came from Heaven Canceler, who also suggested the opponent he would fight. Again, I had to write this - two legendary armies facing off is such a massively awesome thing, after all, and someone has to write it, don't they?

Aragorn II Elessar is one of the protagonists of Tolkien's Lord of the Rings series. Of royal blood, and a great warrior and wise man, Aragorn would eventually become the first King to unite all kingdoms under one banner, and found the House of Telcontal.

If you haven't watched/read Lord of the Rings, what the hell are you doing here? Go read it already.

* * *

Class: Saber

Master: Kiritsugu Emiya

True Name: Aragorn II Elessar

Titles: 16th Chieftain of the Dunedain, 26th King of Arnor, 35th King of Gondor, first High King of the Reunited Kingdom

Sex: Male

Height/Weight: 195cm/unknown

Alignment: Lawful Good

Strength: B

Endurance: B

Agility: A

Mana: A+

Luck: B

Noble Phantasm: A++

_**Class Skills**__-_

Riding- C

The expertise to ride animals and vehicles.

Saber is an adept rider of most mortal mounts, and is capable of riding any non-magical beast or vehicle. In his life, he was often found on horseback.

Magic Resistance- A

Grants protection against magical effects.

Saber is immune to all forms of modern magecraft, and can defeat modern magi as if they were normal humans. He cannot be harmed by spells of A-rank and below.

_**Personal Skills-**_

Charisma- A

The natural talent to command an army. Increases the ability of allies during group battles.

Saber can be said to have achieved the highest level of popularity of a human being, and was the king of not just one kingdom, but reunited all kingdoms and ruled over them in life.

Military Tactics- A

Tactical knowledge used not for one-on-one combat situations, but for battles where many are mobilized.

Saber was an amazing commander of battle when alive, his most famous victory being perhaps at the _Battle of Pelennor Fields_, where he commanded an army outnumbered more than ten-to-one to a resounding victory that completely turned the tide of power in the world as a whole.

Ranger of the Forest- C+

The ability to increase speed and agility in a forest, to never get lost within one and to survive for weeks or months within one.

Saber, before his ascent to kingship, was a Ranger, specializing in touring through forests. He knew numerous short-cuts and never got lost, regardless of the denseness of the forest.

_**Noble Phantasms-**_

Athelas _"Proof of Kingship"_ : C

A magical herb whose abilities can only be activated by Saber, it is capable of healing a person entirely of any injuries they may possess when placed on their wounds. Saber has only a limited supply of this herb with him, although he can find more when in a forest.

Andúril_ "Flame of the West"_ : A

Saber's signature sword, it is the 'sword that was broken and reforged.' As it was reforged by the elvish smiths, and an enchantment was placed on the sword and its scabbard. This causes the sword to never be broken or stained, even in defeat, but allows Saber to use this property as a defense against most, if not all, assaults. The sword shimmers with slight flames, and can slice through most materials. The sword is as resilient as _Excalibur_ itself.

High King of the Reunited Kingdom_ "One Man to Rule Them All"_ : A++

Saber's strongest _Noble Phantasm_, it summons forth the army that fought with him during his wars. It comprises of ten thousand infantrymen from Gondor, six thousand cavalry from the lands of Rohan, thirty-one members of the Grey Company, a band of warriors at high-_Heroic Spirit_ levels, and the most fearsome, the Oathbreakers, also called the Army of the Dead, an endless army of undead warriors, incapable of being harmed by anything save the most enchanted of blades, and with the powers to drain life.


	10. First Gotham, Now Fuyuki

I own nothing, none of the characters or series used in this. Heck, I don't even own the laptop I'm writing this on.

At the end of the chapter, I'll put in the usual description of the Servant and their Abilities, and if any of you want to use any Servant portrayed here as is, with the same Noble Phantasms, abilities etc., please feel free. I only ask that you credit me and PM me with a link so I can read your story too.

Who's next ? **YOU DECIDE !**  
I will only use characters you have suggested in your reviews for all my oneshots ! So please, go ahead, review and suggest !~

* * *

The Grail was twisted. The Grail was corrupted. The Grail wanted an Avenger. In one timeline, the personification of All the World's Evils was given form and wreaked havoc and misery. In another, _even_ something as twisted as the Grail made a mistake when it looked for an Avenger who would cause pain and suffering to all. Its choice was a man renowned for his ability to cause fear. The only problem was he was the worst possible choice for the Grail to act against humanity with.

Instead, Avenger would do what he was known for in life.

* * *

The slight shifting of the shadows was _almost_ entirely missed by Assassin. Some sixth sense frantically warned him to _move_ and he was too canny and experienced a warrior to deny his senses. Instantly, Assassin flung himself off the beam he was perched on, landing gracefully on a rooftop a few dozen feet below.

Looking up, he made out a jet-black projectile whirring through the space where he had once stood. The projectile had been aimed for his torso, instead of the back of his head where it would have been an instant kill. Did this mean that the assailant's aim was bad, or was he confident that the projectile would kill even when it struck the torso? Assassin fervently hoped for the former, but he knew that someone who was able to _sneak up on __**him**_ (the thought still incredulous) was too skilled to have bad aim.

So, the projectile was to be avoided at all costs, then.

Which class, though, was this Servant, for only a Servant could have skill sufficient to avoid detection by him? Archer seemed the most likely bet, judging by the projectile.

Another slight shifting of the shadows behind Assassin, and he turned frantically, sword out and parrying another projectile. Wincing, Assassin waited for something to happen, but the projectile clanged off harmlessly. Why was it aimed at the torso? Did his assailant just have bad aim? Was he over-confident? Or (and this thought nearly made Assassin laugh) did he just not want to kill him?

Well, Assassin mused, whoever it was would soon learn how bad that decision was. Besides, he was only one part of the true Assassin, one aspect of his form created by his Noble Phantasm anyway. Were he to perish in the fight, True Assassin would know all he discovered before his death. He leapt with fluid grace into the darkness.

Seconds later, True Assassin discovered one of his bodies was incapacitated and dispersed it. A review of the body's memories threw up images of a midnight cloak whipping through the air and an overwhelming sense of _fear._

True Assassin would not admit it, but he was nervous.

* * *

"Emiya Kiritsugu." the voice growled. The Magus Killer could do nothing but splutter incoherently in response. Hanging as he was, held upside down on the edge of a skyscraper's roof, he had been summarily disarmed by the unknown assailant, and Maiya had been knocked out. Kiritsugu didn't know how this man had discovered the true Master of Saber, but he _had_ to do something. "You killed innocents."

Kiritsugu mentally admitted that he had, but he wanted to point out that he had only done so when he had to kill a few people to save many. The assailant's sheer presence, however, seemed to discourage the battle-hardened Kiritsugu from even moving.

Luckily for Kiritsugu, his mind and his magic represented his deep, burning desire to escape this man as a command to his Servant, and with a faint shattering, the air was warped and Arturia Pendragon summoned to his side.

Caught off-balance by the sudden summoning, Saber faltered for a split-second, and that was enough for the masked man to send Kiritsugu flying casually into Saber, before appearing to blend into the shadows of the far side of the roof.

"Remember this, Kiritsugu," said the voice Kiritsugu would never forget all his life, "you're _**no hero**_."

* * *

The first time Caster knew someone had entered his domain was when a blunted projectile knocked out his Master. Clearly whoever it was had expected his prana supply to diminish, but, Gilles de Rais swore, they would regret not killing Uryuu when they had a chance to. Still, as far as he could make out, only dark shadows reigned over the area.

"Oh? Who are you?" cackled the mad nobleman, "and where are you?"

The only response was a circular object tossed at him that exploded with a searing flash of light. Unconsciously, Caster closed his eyes, his mind and body already working on making the incantation for calling on a widespread shower of lightning. Before he could complete it, what felt like a hammer struck his jaw, sending him careening backwards into – or rather, _through_ – the wall.

Wincing, Caster abandoned all sense, his eyes growing wider and blood-flecked, as he called forth his Noble Phantasm, _Prelati's Spellbook._ A cursed spellbook that was a monster by itself, it could call on water demons from another dimension, and Caster called forth a particularly viciously tentacled one, sending it slithering towards the position he had last seen the man in.

The monster forced itself into the hole Gilles had made, its body the size of a truck, shattering the wall into debris – and instantly came flying backwards at Caster, who was forced to dodge.

_What the-_

With a satisfying thrumming noise, a jet-black vehicle had appeared out of nowhere, striking the creature at a high speed, throwing both out of the building and back towards Caster. Not finished, a panel on the side of the vehicle slid open, revealing sleek silvery metal that began spraying the creature with flames and bullets.

Before Caster could pull himself together, another projectile buried itself into the Spellbook, and some detached part of Caster's mind wondered whether it was a coincidence that it looked like a bat – then, without warning, the projectile detonated in a violent surge of electricity that brought Caster to his knees, the Spellbook singed and smoking, to fall out of his hands.

As a violent kick flew towards his jaw, Caster could finally get a good look at his assailant. All he could make out were grays and blacks, a hooded, menacing cowl and the image of a bat on his torso, before the kick connected solidly, sending Caster into unconsciousness.

"You asked who I was," said the man. "I'm the _goddamn_ Batman."

* * *

"_In today's headlines: the crime rate of Fuyuki City has dipped over 30% in the last two weeks! Criminals have been found delivered to the police and are claiming that a 'fearsome demon of the night' attacked them. Also, the various gas leaks that had been claiming lives randomly in the City have been absent as well. Finally, police have yet to discover the perpetrators who keep flashing the signal of a giant bat in the night-sky. Officials say they believe this to be the work of delinquents, and…"_

* * *

Alright ! So there's the tenth one. Please, go ahead and suggest characters! If I don't get any suggestions, I can't make the next chappy…

And also, my apologies! I haven't been updating like I used to, but college is wringing me dry lately. It's all I can do to catch a good night's sleep nowadays.

The first Avenger, and boy-oh-boy is he a badass! It's Batman. Really, there's not much more I can say beyond this, except to repeat that he is BATMAN.

The suggestion to use Batman-as-Avenger came from Fenrir of the North. Well, here it is, folks!

If I have to explain to you who Batman is, you must either be an alien or an artificial life form.

* * *

Class: Avenger

Master: The Grail (supposedly)

True Name: Batman

Titles: The Dark Knight, The Caped Crusader

Sex: Male

Height/Weight: Exact details unknown

Alignment: Lawful Good

Strength: B

Endurance: B

Agility: B

Mana: B

Luck: B

Noble Phantasm: A

_**Class Skills**__-_

Riding- B

The expertise to ride animals and vehicles.

Avenger was an expert driver in his lifetime, and indeed one of his Noble Phantasms is a vehicle. He possesses sufficient aptitude for the skill to be summoned as a Rider if required.

Presence Concealment- A

The ability to hide one's presence as a Servant.

Avenger is an expert at stealth tactics, and uses them to full advantage. Indeed, he could even be summoned as Assassin, although his moral code prevents him from taking full advantage of the darkness to kill enemy Masters.

_**Personal Skills-**_

Battle Continuation- A

The strength of vitality for predicaments. Also, the ability to withdraw from combat and reach allied territory alive after being defeated.

Avenger can continue battling even with fatal wounds through sheer force of will. Numerous times in life he has been injured, but has yet successfully defeated stronger opponents or escaped to his lair.

Discernment of the Detective- A

The ability to obtain all possible information about a place or person through observation or deduction.

Avenger, when in life, was honoured with the epithet of 'The World's Greatest Detective' due to his skill in the art. His deductive skills were unparalleled in his time, although a few people in history have been slightly better than him. Avenger uses his skills to track down his prey.

Expert of Many Specialisations- B

The access to, and use of, many expert skills.

Avenger is an expert at not only multiple forms of martial arts, but also at acting, disguise, detection, tracking, technology, memorisation and multiple other fields.

Spectre of Vengeance- B

Avenger's legend began due to his quest for the murderer of his parents, and a burning desire for vengeance for the same. As a result, whenever summoned as an Avenger, and fighting against someone his moral code declares to be evil, Avenger gains a one-rank boost in all his skills. This makes him a force to be reckoned with.

_**Noble Phantasms-**_

The Legend of the Bat _"Creator of Cowardice and Superstition"_ : B+

Avenger's permanently active Noble Phantasm. It causes an almost tangible aura of dread and terror to surround his presence. Often it causes enemies to be unable to concentrate sufficiently when confronted with him, and prevents them from even taking in all the details of his appearance, unless negated with A-rank Bravery. It can even prevent them from remembering their trump cards. When facing someone who is a 'justified target' and has committed some crime in Avenger's mind, the rank of this Noble Phantasm rises to A+ and only EX-rank Bravery can resist this.

The Batmobile_ "Metallic Steed of the Night"_ : A

Avenger's mount and vehicle most commonly associated with him in life. It is a large, sleek, jet-black car which is bulletproof and can withstand almost all damage other than direct attack from Noble Phantasms. It wields a veritable arsenal of weapons, ranging from machine-guns and flame-throwers to spike-fields and tasers. It also has supplementary features including an auto-pilot. It is capable of outpacing all other modern vehicles.


	11. Bearer of Flamel's Cross

I own nothing, none of the characters or series used in this. Heck, I don't even own the laptop I'm writing this on.

At the end of the chapter, I'll put in the usual description of the Servant and their Abilities, and if any of you want to use any Servant portrayed here as is, with the same Noble Phantasms, abilities etc., please feel free. I only ask that you credit me and PM me with a link so I can read your story too.

Who's next ? **YOU DECIDE !**  
I will only use characters you have suggested in your reviews for all my oneshots ! So please, go ahead, review and suggest !~

* * *

Kayneth Archibald El-Melloi was displeased. Not only had his original catalyst been stolen (and by the Root if he found the cretin who had done it he would destroy their entire existence) but his summoning of a Lancer had also turned out wrong _somehow._ He had the catalyst for Diarmuid ua Duibhne, but the Grail seemed intent on mocking him, and he now was left with…this.

His Servant glared back at him, his long blond ponytail moving in sync with his head, as he lifted the sleeves of his red coat and began muttering to himself, clearly displeased. Kayneth wasn't sure, but he thought that Lancer had said something like "…bastards…knew the name was…bad idea…fixed it…"

Kayneth glanced over at his fiancée, Sola-Ui. What were they to do?

* * *

"Draw your weapon, Lancer!" ordered Arturia Pendragon, her innate nobility and honor insisting upon it. "For then we may fight as equals!"

Really, she had wondered why this strange Lancer hadn't drawn his weapon on seeing her, and she could see no visible weapon on his person. Perhaps he was concealing it like she concealed Excalibur with Invisible Air? If _that_ were true, however, wouldn't he have used it to parry her initial attack instead of jumping away and dodging furiously? Maybe, thought Saber, gritting her teeth, he didn't think **she** deserved to see his lance. Well, she would just show him the error of his ways then-!

"What weapon?" replied Lancer, and he was so _obviously_ surprised that she stopped all plans to attack him and wondered if he even had one. Still, a Lancer without a weapon? How absurd would _that_ be? "Do you mean this?" he continued, and with a small tap of his hands, a gleaming, foot-long blade somehow managed to form out of his wrist.

She had seen stranger weapons, but that certainly wasn't a lance…was it? "Is that your lance?"

"My _what_?" replied Lancer, continuing on unabashedly, "Look, woman, you've clearly got the wrong guy."

Saber was sure this strange Lancer was trying some sort of mind-games with her. Yes, that had to be it. "How can you be a Lancer without a lance?" she called out, even as she prepared to dash forward at him, Invisible Air ready to release in a burst.

"How can you be a Saber without a sword?!" he called back.

"I do wield a sword, you imbecile!" she shot back, flushing. "You cannot see it because of –" she stopped. Too close.

"Heh.", her opponent grinned, "and I almost had you there too. Just a little more, and I would have known the name of your Phantasm."

_So he's not just a run-of-the-mill warrior, _thought Saber, narrowing her eyes. _He has a brain and he uses it. Very well, no more dialogue. _

"You will soon see it closely." she replied, head up, and rocketed forward with Invisible Air, nothing more than a blur to even a Servant. A swift diagonal slash took out his right arm. Or at least, that was the plan.

_Clang._

Her sword ripped through his jacket, but stopped short on touching his arm, and Saber gasped when she saw his entire arm was made of some sort of _metal_! What manner of being was this Lancer?

Leaping back to avoid a counter-thrust aimed at her throat, she readied herself for the next engagement. "What…what is that?"

"Yes, what is that?" boomed another voice.

* * *

Rider, Iskandar the Great, was amused. _Such fire in such little bodies! How amusing!_

Saber had instinctively moved away at the sound of his voice, and now the three of them stood facing each other – Saber and Lancer on the ground and Rider floating in the air on his chariot, the Gordius Wheel.

"What's it to you, bastard?" shot back Lancer, clearly getting riled up by the question. "Come down here and fight like a man!"

_So amusing!_ Rider beamed broadly in reply, doing nothing to indicate he had heard.

This only served to rile up Lancer some more, it seemed, as he bent to touch the ground, and with a _crackle_ of blue lightning, a stone spear, nearly seven feet tall, was lifted out of the ground by Lancer and flung at Rider in one smooth movement that nearly caught the King of Conquerors unawares.

Unluckily for Lancer, Rider was still fast enough to deflect it with his shortsword, although it did chip a small part of his chariot. Saber focused on Lancer once more. _So he _can_ make lances._

Rider laughed heartily, his spirit burning at the display of aggression, his senses sharpening into focus with the excitement. "Wasn't that spear a little too big for you, Lancer? Maybe you'd have better luck with a shorter one?"

Silence descended over the clearing, the sort of silence one would normally associate with the silence a condemned prisoner experienced while a firing squad was loading its rifles and taking aim.

In truth, Rider hadn't meant much with the statement. It had been the easiest comment to make, given the disparity in size between the boy and his lance, and Rider would take any opportunity he got to anger his opponent further. It made battles enjoyable to him.

In this case, though, even Rider would retrospectively admit that he made a mistake.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT A TOOTHPICK WOULD MAKE A BETTER LANCE?!"

* * *

With a furious roar, Lancer _acted_. And Rider found himself under attack by a veritable _barrage_ of lances that shot out of the ground, aimed at his chariot. Weaving, dodging, and deflecting, Rider was forced to take a few glancing blows amidst the storm. _In fact,_ noted Rider, _these lances seem much stronger than the one I deflected previously._ Saber had observed this as well, and she wondered if Lancer was always capable of this.

_Perhaps it is time I retaliated._ considered Rider, and called out, "_Via Expugnatio!_" In a second, the Gordius Wheel had covered the short distance between Lancer and Rider, crashing down on his position with all the subtlety of a thunderclap and the fury of Zeus himself, the resulting shockwave blowing Saber backwards a few feet.

Except that Lancer wasn't there.

He had dodged the body of the chariot, his right arm _somehow_ metamorphosed into some sort of shield that took the brunt of the blast while the fingertips of his left hand merely grazed the chariot's side, as he ran forward, dragging them over it.

With another display of blue lightning, the Gordius Wheel, Divine Chariot, drawn by the Bulls of Heaven, began falling apart into pieces wherever Lancer had touched it, the entire left flank of the chariot dissipating into so much scrap metal, badly unbalancing the chariot and rendering it unusable.

Rider dismounted, his blood up, his heart pumping wildly. Now **this** was battle. "Give me the honour of knowing your name, Lancer!"

Lancer turned, glaring at him, as his ponytail whipped about wildly in the wind, ragged red coat flowing about behind him and metal limbs gleaming. "Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist. The guy who's going to kick your ass!"

As fifty ogre-faced battering rams rose behind Lancer, Rider almost believed him.

* * *

Alright ! So there's the eleventh one. Please, go ahead and suggest characters! If I don't get any suggestions, I can't make the next chappy…

The first Lancer! And, to be fair, it's not someone you'd automatically associate with lance-wielding, but that was mainly the reason I picked Ed. He does use spears to fight, if required, and it seems sort of like EMIYA's situation, or Gil's situation – being Archer through the requirement _just about_ being fulfilled by the powers.

The suggestion to use Edward-as-Lancer came from Vandenbz. Also, Ed's been resurrected _with_ artificial limbs, since that was an **absolutely integral**part of his legend when in life, if you will.

Edward Elric, protagonist of the Fullmetal Alchemist series of manga and anime, is a wonderful character – merging light-hearted immaturity with his deep intelligence and his burning desire to restore his brother to normalcy. Really, it was awesome to see (spoiler alert!) him get a happy ending at last!

Please, go read/watch FMA if you haven't. The 2009 anime, for preference.

* * *

Class: Lancer

Master: Kayneth Archibald El-Melloi

True Name: Edward Elric

Titles: The Fullmetal Alchemist, The People's Alchemist, Pipsqueak

Sex: Male

Height/Weight: Exact details unknown, but height is known to be short (don't tell him though)

Alignment: Lawful Good

Strength: C

Endurance: A

Agility: B

Mana: B

Luck: C

Noble Phantasm: A

_**Class Skills**__-_

Independent Action- B

The ability to remain in this world even while rejecting prana supply from a Master.

Lancer was renowned in life for his independence, and is capable of living on in this world for two days without an established contract. He can also survive for a short while after damage to his spiritual core.

_**Personal Skills-**_

Battle Continuation- B+

The strength of vitality for predicaments. Also, the ability to withdraw from combat and reach allied territory alive after being defeated.

Lancer has spent a large part of his life fighting opponents who outmatched him in every way, and is capable of bearing immense amounts of pain and weakness to continue battling onwards, even with near-fatal wounds. He can also reach allied territory nearby.

Discernment of the Scientist- A

The instinctive understanding of natural phenomenon and all creation, due to an extensive knowledge of the sciences.

Lancer was a genius at sciences, and is even capable of decoding puzzles, riddles and breaking codes rapidly due to his propensity to "view everything as an equation." This skill furthermore greatly aids him with his alchemy, granting him knowledge of whatever materials surround him.

Librarian of Stored Knowledge- C

The ability to recall knowledge stored in memory with perfect clarity.

Lancer possesses a nearly perfect memory and can recall even minor fragments of information he has come across in life.

_**Noble Phantasms-**_

Automail _"Metal that Overcomes Fate"_ : C

Lancer's permanently active Noble Phantasm. Having lost his right arm and left leg to Truth when a child, they were replaced by automail constructs – prosthetic metal limbs that withstand large amounts of damage and are as responsive as normal human limbs. They further enhance his fighting abilities. Lancer often combines this with his other Noble Phantasm, _Alchemy_, to make weapons or shields.

WHO'S SHORT?_ "Vengeful Cry of Underdeveloped Children"_ : C

Actually a facet of Lancer's character, it developed near-legendary status among the world during his life, granting it the rank of Noble Phantasm. Whenever an opponent makes a remark about Lancer's height, or even makes a remark that could be misconstrued to be one, Lancer's _Alchemy_ Noble Phantasm becomes A++ ranked and he gains half-rank in Strength.

Alchemy_ "Curse of Truth"_ : A

Lancer's primary ability, it is the science and art of understanding, deconstructing and reconstructing matter as required. It is governed by the Principle of Equivalent Exchange, meaning that matter can neither be created nor destroyed by this Phantasm. However, if Lancer understands the composition of something, organic or inorganic, he can shape it to his will. Lancer is one of the few people who do not require a transmutation circle to perform alchemy, giving him unparalleled speed and surprise with it. He also was known as a genius, able to copy the alchemical styles of people he has fought, and has gained knowledge of a wide variety of alchemical techniques.


	12. Shaken, Not Stirred

I own nothing, none of the characters or series used in this. Heck, I don't even own the laptop I'm writing this on.

At the end of the chapter, I'll put in the usual description of the Servant and their Abilities, and if any of you want to use any Servant portrayed here as is, with the same Noble Phantasms, abilities etc., please feel free. I only ask that you credit me and PM me with a link so I can read your story too.

Who's next ? **YOU DECIDE !**  
I will only use characters you have suggested in your reviews for all my oneshots ! So please, go ahead, review and suggest !~

* * *

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* * *

Medea of Colchis smirked as she completed her summoning, watching as a shadowy figure appeared in front of her, facing the other way. Then, it turned.

And Medea forgot everything, forgot Souchirou Kuzuki, when she looked at the face of the man standing before her. He wasn't handsome, in the classical sense, but he had an almost undefinable, rugged air about him. His steely eyes and slight smirk made him even more attractive, if possible, and the wind seemed to caress his short, dirty-blond hair. Dressed immaculately in a black tuxedo, with perfectly creased jacket and black silk tie, not to mention leather belt and shining shoes, Medea confusedly wondered if there wasn't something she should have been doing.

Medea wasn't one of the best witches of her generation for nothing, though, and a detached voice in the back of her head told her that there was _something_ off about this attraction, and her clouded senses snapped back to reality, her face slightly red. _If Souchirou-sama had seen me, what would he have thought!_

Medea turned to the man, wilfully forcing herself to remain unaffected, her magic rising to cloak her senses from the oppressive aura of attraction the summoned man exuded. "I am your Master." she said.

And if she said it in a slightly huskier tone than usual, well that was no one's business but hers.

* * *

A small shift in the air – and a sudden, muffled _phut_ that somehow didn't seem to catch anyone's attention - was all the foreknowledge that the target had before an enhanced, tungsten-and-titanium bullet caught it between the eyes, blowing a neat hole into its forehead.

The killer walked over to the prone form of the hulking figure, smirking to himself, his left hand unconsciously adjusting his black silk tie, his right already flipping open a sleek black cellphone and dexterously keying in a message back to his Master. _This,_ thought Assassin, _has been a surprisingly easy job._

The titanium-and-tungsten bullet was a special alloy developed by the geeks, as Assassin affectionately thought of them, and had been guaranteed to down even an elephant at over a kilometre away. So nothing had a chance when Assassin fired it within a few metres of his target, really.

His target was Berserker, and he had made a mistake he would realise in an instant.

A bone-shaking roar rent the sky, and Assassin found himself being flung backwards as a massive hand swatted him away as if he were a fly, the downed 'victim' standing up once more, unharmed, the wound having healed.

It was too bad for Assassin that Berserker's _God Hand_ gave him twelve lives.

With another roar, the massive, hulking figure of the victim jumped up into the air, coming crashing down on the prone form of Assassin, who watched, dazed, as his death drew nearer.

_Ah, the irony._ thought Assassin. _Why can't any of my jobs ever be easy?_

With an almighty crash, Berserker landed squarely on target, and contemptuously walked away from his kill.

The various magi who had their familiars observing the battle were both worried that Berserker was powerful, and relieved that Assassin was dead. Bats, insects and mice scurried away from the battlefield, their tasks fulfilled – their Masters knew what went on.

Which was why, when another perfectly attired figure formed itself exactly where Assassin had 'died', no one was there to notice.

* * *

Kirei Kotomine was no stranger to faking death. Indeed, the very thought of another Master ordering his Assassin to fake his death and hoping to fool Kirei would have made him laugh, if Kirei were a normal person.

Instead, he had settled for analysing the video he had got (one of the few tricks he had learnt from that blasted Kiritsugu had been the value of good intelligence) and considering the possibilities of it being faked. He had doubted it, and indeed he still did – Berserker's Master was a loner, the Einzbern homunculus, and Assassin's death had looked incredibly real – _but why was someone else in the same suit and clothes as Assassin walking towards him and Gilgamesh right now?_

Kirei looked at the man closely – he had black hair, and his facial features were different, but yet…there was some similarity about the walk, the confidence, the arrogant good looks – this…was this the same Assassin?

"No," breathed Kirei, realisation dawning on him, "the same…but different?!"

Gilgamesh didn't seem to care though, but the King of Heroes had decided to pre-emptively open the _Babylon Gate_ even before the Assassin drew near, and this in itself told Kirei that Gilgamesh was perhaps slightly unsettled by the appearance.

The man drew near, smiling at them, perfect white teeth gleaming even in the night. He drew out a sleek black leather briefcase, tossing it to Gilgamesh, who had decided to pause, his natural arrogance and curiosity leading him to try opening the briefcase.

"Like the Greeks, I come bearing gifts." smiled the man, and Kirei's mind went into overdrive – the man had just made a pun relating to the Trojan war, the briefcase was a trap, Gilgamesh would have to be warned – but he was just fractionally too late, and the King of Heroes opened the briefcase, receiving a faceful of gas for his efforts, Kirei's eyes already watering at the slightest exposure to the noxious fumes.

"Mongrel!" choked Gilgamesh, frantically clutching at his eyes, but the man unhurriedly drew out a gun (A small part of Kirei's mind identified it as a Walther PPK) and fired at Gilgamesh, the bullet thankfully not penetrating his golden armour fully – but then Gilgamesh began to _inflate_, some high-pressure gas filling his armour, literally blowing it off his body.

Screaming and choking in pain, Gilgamesh gestured with his hands and a barrage of swords flew towards the man, and exploded where he stood – but a strange mechanical sound filled the air, and Kirei looked up, unbelievingly, where the man was now flying with – _was that a __**jetpack**_? – strapped to his body.

"No well-dressed man should be without one." called down the Assassin, unruffled by the encounter.

"MONGREL!" screamed the still-blinded Gilgamesh, "tell me your name so I can hunt you down and eradicate you!", and Kirei waited with bated breath for the answer as well, some stirrings of curiosity within his usually apathetic mind.

"Bond. _James_ Bond."

* * *

Alright ! So there's the twelfth one. Please, go ahead and suggest characters! If I don't get any suggestions, I can't make the next chappy…

Another Assassin! One of the best-known Assassins of the modern day world. This suggestion came from shadowbird852 **and **The Infamous Man. It's 007, of course, the World's Sexiest Assassin (unofficial title), Mr. Licensed-to-Kill, Mr. Shaken-not-Stirred, James Bond!

James Bond is one of the great creations of the 20th Century, Ian Fleming really did a good job with him! Armed with gadgets galore, and gallons of raw sex appeal, Bond has fought, loved and killed his way across the silver screen for decades.

Go ahead, watch the Bond movies!

* * *

Class: Assassin

Master: Medea of Colchis

True Name: James Bond

Titles: 007

Sex: Male

Height/Weight: Exact details unknown, varies slightly

Alignment: Chaotic Good

Strength: C

Endurance: B

Agility: B

Mana: B

Luck: A+

Noble Phantasm: A

_**Class Skills**__-_

Independent Action- A

The ability to remain in this world even while rejecting prana supply from a Master.

Assassin was perhaps one of the most independent men in existence, and can survive for up to a month's time without an established contract.

Presence Concealment – B

The capacity to hide one's presence as a Servant. It is a common skill to the Assassin class.

Assassin has a high statistic, but it is not as high as many other famous Assassins. However, he is aided greatly by his _Licensed to Kill_ personal skill, which compensates for this shortfall.

_**Personal Skills-**_

Eye of the Mind (True)- B

Heightened insight that was refined through experience.

Assassin has been in many dangerous situations in his life that required him to think quickly. He is capable of analysing battle conditions calmly even when death is imminent. So long as there is even a 1% chance of victory, Assassin can fight on equal terms with the opponent.

Licensed to Kill- A

The capacity to kill persons in public sight and not be bothered by law enforcement, humans, or even other Servants.

Assassin is 'licensed to kill' in all territories over the world except within the United Kingdom. So long as he is outside the United Kingdom, he can kill people in broad daylight, and in public sight, and no one will think anything strange about it. This greatly aids his assassinations.

Mystic Face- C

A spell inherent to the wielder's face that activates as soon as a person looks at it.

Assassin's Mystic Face makes him irresistibly attractive to all women, save those female Servants with high magical skills or a sufficiently high rank in Bravery.

Subversive Activities- A

The talent to reduce the enemy forces in the preliminary stages, before going into battle.

When in life, Assassin was a master of espionage without parallel. He is capable of sabotage, targeted assassinations, theft, etc. to advance his cause.

_**Noble Phantasms-**_

Tools of Espionage _"Inventions of the Quartermaster"_ : D-A

Assassin wields a wide variety of gadgets specifically created to aid him in his activities. He can call upon any gadgetry he wielded when in life, even if he cannot normally keep them on his person. These gadgets vary from the simple, such as miniaturized pagers or cellphones, to the incredibly complex, such as an invisible car.

The Legacy of 007_ "Mantle of the Master Spy"_ : A

There has been no one single person who has taken on the mantle of 007, and the name of James Bond; six of them are known to have existed. Whenever one 'James Bond' is killed in the line of his duty, another one will appear in the exact same place the previous was killed, although each looks slightly different. This ability can be compared to _God Hand_, but it does not grant each successive form resistance to the same method of death as before.


	13. Demon of the Crimson Eyes

I own nothing, none of the characters or series used in this. Heck, I don't even own the laptop I'm writing this on.

At the end of the chapter, I'll put in the usual description of the Servant and their Abilities, and if any of you want to use any Servant portrayed here as is, with the same Noble Phantasms, abilities etc., please feel free. I only ask that you credit me and PM me with a link so I can read your story too.

Who's next ? **YOU DECIDE !**  
I will only use characters you have suggested in your reviews for all my oneshots ! So please, go ahead, review and suggest !~

* * *

**Next Achievement: Get Recommended on TVTropes!**

Also, if you have time, please check out my other story, _Fate Mundi Bellum._

* * *

The Holy Grail had decided that Medea of Colchis's rule-bending summoning would bring to life someone patently not an Assassin. The Grail had considered – as much as a supremely powerful impersonal artefact can consider – creating a conception of 'swordsman' and allowing it to be Servant Assassin. Then, it changed its plans, and decided to pick someone who had genuinely existed once, in one timeline. The reason for the change is unfathomable to mortal minds, except if we wish to ascribe a vacillating 'mind' to it. Regardless, the change of decision had unpredictable repercussions throughout the newly fragmented timeline.

After all, the saying went that a butterfly flapping its wings in China caused a hurricane in America. What would a newly summoned Assassin brandishing his blade cause?

Definitely more than a simple hurricane, that was for sure.

* * *

Saber, Arturia Pendragon, could vaguely make out a figure at the gate of the Ryuudo Temple. Shoving Shirou Emiya, her Master, back (sending the poor lad stumbling) she motioned to him to remain in place while she investigated – and if it came to that, destroyed – the humanoid figure awaiting her. She was supremely confident, after all, that she could take care of anything.

She squinted, observing the figure from her place. He – and it was definitely a he – was dressed in a red shirt and pants, with a ragged white coat over it. Long, unruly red hair flowed down to his waist, the blood-red strands coiling around the hilt of a sword sheathed at his waist. Then the man looked up and straight at her, and Saber's breath caught. _Those eyes…_

Eyes the colour of freshly-spilt blood stared into her soul, promising violence. Saber placed her hand on the cloaked _Excalibur_, withdrawing it. The man grinned mockingly, an arrogant leer that flashed in the night. Saber charged.

No swordsman could defeat Arturia Pendragon, Lord of the Round Table, and the epitome of knighthood, wielder of the greatest sword, _Excalibur_, after all.

* * *

Saber was outclassed.

The sentence bore repeating. _Saber_ was _outclassed_ in a _swordfight._

She panted as she felt another blow strike her armour, drawing a deep gash into it. Even with _Prana Bursts_ multiplying her strength, the arrogant man she was facing just grinned harder and continued dissecting her systematically. _He's enjoying this!_

Saber was the epitome of knighthood. She was the wielder of the greatest sword. One of the main areas of skill for a knight was swordsmanship. As the pinnacle of knighthood, her swordsmanship skills were leagues ahead of almost every Servant possible. And so, she had spent her life improving her swordsmanship, her riding, her jousting, her ruling skills, her military strategic skill – among many others. Saber was a King (a Queen, to be precise) and she was the best in her land at all she tried.

Yet her swordsmanship could not compare to a man who had spent every second of his life with his sword. Her opponent, Servant Assassin, did not _care_ about anything else beyond basic proficiency in the other skills. He was a ruthless ronin, and he didn't need to bother with politics, with economics, or with commanding an army. He spent his life on one goal, and one goal alone – to be able to massacre anyone he faced with his sword, and failing that, _to try again until he succeeded._

So Saber had to step things up. It would mean revealing her identity, but it didn't appear that it could be helped –

"_Hammer of the Wind King!"_ cried Saber, pointing her invisible sword at the man and letting a burst of compressed air flow off her sword. Like an inexorable freight train, it caught Assassin flush in his chest, sending him crashing into trees._ Excalibur_ glowed ethereally, golden light filling the clearing, and Saber's spirits lifted. So the man could be beaten. It would gall her to be forced to use things other than swordsmanship, but she would still be able to win.

And then bone-chilling laughter rang out through the clearing, and Assassin stood up, unconcerned, even with a clearly broken rib. "Let me show you, little girl, how to truly use the wind." He brought his sword up, suddenly serious. "_Mizuchi_..." he breathed, his voice almost caressing.

Saber tensed, waiting for the man to make his move, but she could not see him moving. A light breeze ruffled her hair, and whistled past her ears. Saber paused, wondering if the man had failed.

Then she stood there rooted in shock as her armor fell to pieces around her, leaving her blushing as her underclothes were exposed.

"You heard it too, didn't you?" asked Assassin, smiling like a shark, "The voice of the wind."

* * *

Saber knew she had no other options. The man was clearly too strong for her to fight with her trump card unused. He was a better swordsman, had some strange wind-based cutting techniques (predicting them had been so hard she had just decided to leap away from her position at the slightest breeze). The man was also _clearly_ a pervert, and he had often tried to use his free hand to – she blushed – _grope _ her even when they were deadlocked in battle. Still, she had prevented it for so long, and, she noted with a smug smile, he had nearly lost two fingers the last time he had tried that.

Saber made up her mind.

"EX-"

Assassin made up his mind.

"_Mumyo Jinpuu Ryu Ougi: Suzaku!_"

A burning, clawing phoenix of wind picked up, its harsh screeches filling the air.

"CA-"

"_Byakko! Seiryu!_"

Violent blades of wind shot forward from Assassin, roaring. Streams of slicing wind on a greater scale than had cut out Saber's armor converged on his location.

"LI-"

"_Genbu!_"

A defensive wall of wind erupted in front of Assassin, sealing him away from all harm.

"-BUR!"

"**KOURYUU!**"

The golden, faerie-blessed light of Excalibur, with destructive force unseen in human lifetimes, crept over the land, intent on obliterating Assassin. The land that it touched was reduced to nothing more than ash, and trees and small animals disintegrated as it went.

It was an irresistible force that meant absolute destruction.

And then, it met another.

A golden, inexhaustible, razor-edged wind descended from the heavens, raging towards Excalibur and Saber, Assassin's red eyes flashing wildly with glee as the two golden strikes fought with each other for dominance, the surrounding landscape completely, totally obliterated.

"I like you, girl! Swords, wind and a golden technique! We're alike, you and I!" With a mad laugh, the man once known as Demon Eyes Kyo, killer of The Demon Emperor Oda Nobunaga, wielder of the _Tenro_, cursed nodachi forged by Muramasa, and destroyer of the almighty Mibu Clan, leaped forth into the blazing storm of gold fighting for dominance.

Saber would later swear that his blazing red eyes were visible even amidst the clash of so much blinding, golden energy.

* * *

Alright ! So there's the thirteenth one. Please, go ahead and suggest characters! If I don't get any suggestions, I can't make the next chappy…

And yet another Assassin! I'm on quite an Assassin kick at the moment, it seems. It's _Onime no Kyo_, 'Demon Eyes Kyo', protagonist of the series_ Samurai Deeper Kyo_. Ruthless, bloodthirsty and crude, Kyo is the epitome of the violent, wandering ronin. Although, naturally, he does get some Character Development, and dislikes anyone harming his friends, he retains most of his original nature until the end. He's got rather high stats for an Assassin, though, but that's how his character is.

This suggestion was given by _darklordrob._ I considered another Assassin, and who better to replace a master swordsman than another master swordsman? Of course, I've had more calls from people to use Himura Kenshin for that role, but – sorry guys – I'm not too sure how well I can write him. That's not to say that Kenshin won't be making an appearance, anything is possible. ;)

Go ahead, read the _Samurai Deeper Kyo_ manga, or watch the anime, if you have some free time.

* * *

Class: Assassin

Master: Medea of Colchis

True Name: Kyo

Titles: Demon Eyes

Sex: Male

Height/Weight: Exact details unknown

Alignment: Chaotic Neutral

Strength: B

Endurance: B

Agility: A

Mana: B

Luck: D

Noble Phantasm: C

_**Class Skills**__-_

Mad Enhancement – SEALED - B

The ability to slip into a berserker rage and forsake higher level intellectual skills for more strength and power. Typically a skill associated with the Berserker class.

Assassin was known in life for slipping into a violent, berserk rage on the battlefield. When in this state, nothing can make Assassin leave the battle until he has destroyed his opponent. He gains one-rank up in Speed and Agility. However, as he is summoned as an Assassin, this skill is sealed away and is rendered unusable.

Presence Concealment – D

The capacity to hide one's presence as a Servant. It is a common skill to the Assassin class.

Assassin was never a true assassin in his life. He, being much more suited for Berserker, or Saber, classes, has little interest in concealing his presence. He can hide himself from normal humans and modern magi, if he wishes to.

_**Personal Skills-**_

Eye of the Mind (True)- B+

Heightened insight that was refined through experience.

Assassin has been in many battles in his life that have given him insight and experience. He is capable of analysing battle conditions calmly even when death is imminent. So long as there is even a 0.5% chance of victory, Assassin can fight on equal terms with the opponent.

Mumyo Jinpuu Ryu Satsujin Ken- EX

The _Lightless Divine Wind Style Slaying Blade_, the strongest sword style of the Mibu Clan.

Assassin is an unparalleled master of the Mumyo Jinpuu Ryu, and is capable of not only using the four Ougis of _Suzaku [burning rebirthing phoenix], Genbu [impenetrable defensive shell], Byakko [inescapable tiger] and Seiryu [converging wind dragon], _but also combining them to bring forth the nearly EX-ranked attack known as the _Kouryuu_.

Mystic Eyes- D

A spell inherent to the wielder's eyes that activates as soon as a person looks at them.

Assassin's Mystic Eyes are the _Demon Eyes_, the crystallised fear brought about by his legend when he was alive. Enemies who look into his eyes will feel fear unless they have sufficiently high (C and above) ranks in skills that allow them to negate this.

Protection from Bullets- A

An even more advanced, increased defense against ranged attacks by predicting the projectiles' trajectories through exceptional means.

When in life, Assassin was capable of dodging bullets fired at nearly point-blank range, and could sometimes even strike down the shooter before he had completely pulled the trigger. This allows him to dodge most, if not all, visible ranged attacks, even if the shooter is not within his sight.

_**Noble Phantasms-**_

Tenro _"Heavenly Wolf Forged by a Demon Smith"_ : C

A nodachi forged by the legendary blacksmith Muramasa, specifically for Kyo, the sword has little to no special features beyond being incredibly strong and sharp. However, if Kyo is nearing death, it will absorb his soul and, if undamaged and taken to a safe place by an ally, will 'release' Kyo's soul, bringing him back to 'life' at full capacity.


	14. Lord of the Hellsing Manor

I own nothing, none of the characters or series used in this. Heck, I don't even own the laptop I'm writing this on.

At the end of the chapter, I'll put in the usual description of the Servant and their Abilities, and if any of you want to use any Servant portrayed here as is, with the same Noble Phantasms, abilities etc., please feel free. I only ask that you credit me and PM me with a link so I can read your story too.

Who's next ? **YOU DECIDE !**  
I will only use characters you have suggested in your reviews for all my oneshots ! So please, go ahead, review and suggest !~

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Also, if you have time, please check out my other story, _Fate Mundi Bellum._

* * *

"It is her, King of Heroes."

"It had better be her, priest, or it will be your death."

"From the little my familiar told me before it was discovered and executed by the woman, she had long blonde hair, wielded a sword, was slim, spoke with a distinct British accent, and carried herself like nobility, King. Do you believe it could have been anyone else?"

"…It is true, priest, that not many women are like her."

"Just think upon it, King of Heroes. How many blonde-haired, sword wielding, British noblewomen controlled strong enough organizations in their life to be able to carry themselves so assuredly? More, how many such blonde-haired British noblewomen are even strong enough, or have sufficient warrior spirit, to have ascended to the Throne of Heroes?"

"…What of her Master?"

"The adopted son of he who summoned her last."

"Your old enemy, priest."

"Yes."

"Perhaps it might be her after all. I am most pleased."

"As you should be, o King."

* * *

And yet, Kotomine Kirei was entirely wrong. His logic had been sound. The similarities that his familiar had told him about brought to mind Arturia Pendragon. Unfortunately for him, there was one chance in a million that someone else existed who possessed those qualities. Unfortunately for him, he had never learned how to view through his familiar's eyes, which would have cleared up his misconceptions entirely. Unfortunately for him, his familiar had been dispatched before it could reveal that the Saber wore a grey suit and glasses. Unfortunately for him, he was now standing beside a visibly incensed Gilgamesh, staring at someone who was so close to Arturia Pendragon, yet so far.

"Woman!" screamed Gilgamesh, his dignity forsaking him due to rage. "What have you done with Arturia?"

The Saber didn't respond, choosing to blow smoke out of her mouth, cigarette dangling loosely in her hand. "A priest." she said, looking at Kirei. "It's always a damned Catholic."

Kirei was unmoved beyond briefly wondering what the Saber's issue with Catholicism was. At this point, he was more concerned with observing the Saber and her Master (who was clearly out of his depth) and wondering how to escape the wrath of Gilgamesh.

"Priest." breathed the King of Heroes, his rage discernible in every syllable he spoke, "Dispatch this impostor's Master while I kill her. No one can live after trying to fool the King."

Immediately, Kirei rushed straight for the boy, who took a second to respond before 'tracing' a sword out of the air and attempting to fight back. Kirei knew, though, after a few strikes and counter-strikes that the boy was a good swordsman out of sheer adrenaline, but Kirei – experienced Executor – was just better.

Saber, who was by now parrying the multiple weapons Gilgamesh was firing at her with an expert's touch, had noticed this as well.

Then the air shimmered behind Saber, and multiple men in full-body bulletproof armor formed behind her, the moonlight from the full moon shimmering off their helmet's visors. Kirei barely made out an insignia reading "We are on a mission of God" on their vests before they begun firing continuously at him. Dodging with some difficulty, and putting some space between him and Saber's Master, Kirei noted that this woman commanded her own religious organisation, and quite a modern one at that.

The men rushed to stand behind and around Saber's Master, effectively blocking out Kirei from attacking him again. Sighing, Kirei moved back to stand behind Gilgamesh. It appeared that the King would have to destroy the Saber who so irked him personally.

* * *

Gilgamesh was winning, and he knew it. It was a slow battle of attrition, but the Saber didn't seem to have any tricks besides summoning her men – and Gilgamesh had cut down those foolish ones who had tried shooting at him with ease – and although her sword skills were excellent, she was clearly on the defensive. Sooner or later she would make a mistake, and sooner or later Gilgamesh would win.

It was as simple as that. The Golden King sneered contemptuously at the woman. He knew that none save Arturia were capable of matching him.

Saber had realised this as well, and she had decided to take this battle up a notch.

The air beside her shimmered once more, but instead of faceless men in deep-blue body armour, this time two individuals came forth.

The first was a well-endowed blond woman, who was saluting Saber after a small startled gasp at being called forth. The other was an elderly man with glasses, faultlessly dressed in formal apparel.

"Kill him." she snarled, and the two nodded, moving forth.

The man smiled, flashing beside Gilgamesh, who felt a tug at his body and saw signs of incredibly thin wires slicing through his armour. The woman dropped to one knee, withdrawing a _massive_ weapon from somewhere and firing it at Gilgamesh, the impact blowing him backwards through an entire grove of trees, his already weakened armour shattering into dust.

And then Gilgamesh saw red.

"_Enkidu!_" he roared, charging back into the battle. The chains that were used to bind the Bull of Heaven, and were capable of tying down Heracles himself cut through the air like metallic snakes. The two were snagged and bound in seconds, Gilgamesh giving in to his fury to drive a broadsword through the chest of the woman who had dared break his armour. Her blood sprayed in an arc, as she lurched forward in her pain, and Gilgamesh looked back once more at Saber and sneered with contempt.

"Is this all, Saber?" he growled, all kingly manners gone. "Is this the extent of your abilities?! Send more of your pets, so the King can destroy them as well, and crush your feeble hopes, woman!"

Saber smiled grimly. The once-Golden King did not know what he had let himself in for. "You want to see my pets?" she spoke through clenched teeth, betraying tightly-controlled anger. "I have only one more. Come out, my Servant."

* * *

Unlike her previous summonings, when the air had briefly shimmered as the rules of Gaia were overwritten, the shadows in the clearing moved of their own accord, congealing into a mass of pitch-blackness that slowly shifted its form.

Out of the all-encompassing black void stepped a man. On the basis of his orange sunglasses and red charcoal suit, the man looked like another foppish summoning. The two guns he wore on his belt spoke of a warrior. The way his features were immovable as he gazed on the battlefield spoke of an experienced one. The way his mouth split into a devilish grin, displaying more and sharper teeth than were human, spoke of a monster. The way he laughed confirmed it.

"What do you want, my Master? Shall I kill them? Annihilate them all? Just give the word and their blood will paint the fields red!"

Saber nodded once, her face drawn with anger. "Yes, you may. I, Sir Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing, Lord of the Hellsing Manor and your Master, command you, Alucard: kill them all!"

With a laugh of delight, the man dissolved into a flock of vicious, rabid red-eyed dogs made of shadow and charged.

Kirei Kotomine, executor of the Church, wondered if he would get out of this alive. The way the man – no, the monster – had looked at him on realising he was a priest who wielded swords told him that he had no chance of survival.

None at all.

* * *

Alright ! So there's the fourteenth one. Please, go ahead and suggest characters! If I don't get any suggestions, I can't make the next chappy…

A Saber this time, and wowzers, it's the first woman Servant in my story! No, I wasn't being sexist, dear readers – I just had no idea how well I would portray most of the female Servants who I have been suggested. When I finally got one I was somewhat confident of portraying decently, I decided to go for it. So how did it come out?

This suggestion was given by _Mordalfus Grea._ Sir Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing, Lord of the Hellsing Manor, Leader of the Hellsing Organization, and the Master of the most dangerous vampire to have ever lived – I mean, come on. I had to try. And since many of you called for Alucard, Walter or Seras, I managed to work them in too. Yes, she does have poor stats for a Saber, but her NP – and the people it summons, particularly Alucard – really make up for it.

Go watch _Hellsing._ Fair warning though – it's incredibly bloody and violent, so watch it only if you're okay with those things.

* * *

Class: Saber

Master: Shirou Emiya

True Name: Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing

Titles: Iron Maiden

Sex: Female

Height/Weight: Exact details unknown

Alignment: Lawful Good

Strength: D

Endurance: B

Agility: C

Mana: B

Luck: D

Noble Phantasm: A

_**Class Skills**__-_

Magic Resistance - C

Grants protection against magical effects.

Cancel spells with a chant below two verses. Cannot defend against Magecraft on the level of High-Thaumaturgy and Greater Rituals. As Saber was not magically adept in life, she only gains a low rank at this skill.

Riding – C

The skill to ride animals and vehicles.

Saber can handle any modern mount, as well as horses. However, other mounts or _Phantasmal _or _Divine _Beasts are beyond her grasp.

_**Personal Skills-**_

Charisma - C

The natural talent to command an army. Raises the skills of allies in a group battle.

Saber lead a military organization in life even though she was a woman, and controlled some of the most dangerous beings in existence through sheer force of will. This skill helps her greatly when she is using her Noble Phantasm.

Protection of the Faith - A

A Skill possessed only by those who have sacrificed themselves for a religious view.

Saber had spent her whole life in the absolute service of her Protestant ideals and her country. In that sense, she may be compared to Vlad Tepes. As a result, she is protected from most magical attacks and gains the ability to survive otherwise fatal injuries. This compensates for her low Magic Resistance.

Vampire Slayer- A

The skill of fighting and destroying the undead, particularly vampires.

Saber is a descendant of the greatest Vampire Slayer of all, and the leader of an organization dedicated to such goals. Hence, she gains huge increases in all her stats when she encounters a vampire or some other undead and will never lose to any but the most powerful of them.

_**Noble Phantasms-**_

Hellsing Organization _"We are on a Mission of God"_ : A

The conceptual Noble Phantasm representing the organization that Saber led when in life. She can call upon any of the warriors who fought for her, including a large number of rifle-wielding infantry. Aside from this, three _Heroic Spirits_, are also included in this Noble Phantasm. Two are _Seras Victoria_ and _Walter Dornell_, both strong Heroic Spirits – the former a vampire with monstrous strength and a huge weapon, and the latter a faithful butler with the ability to dispatch armies with his microfilament wires. The last is _Alucard_, an alternate universe equivalent of _Vlad Tepes'_s legend, and one of the strongest beings in existence, as close to immortal as possible and capable of fighting the Dead Apostle Ancestors, and winning in all probability.


	15. Praise Be the God of Light

I own nothing, none of the characters or series used in this. Heck, I don't even own the laptop I'm writing this on.

At the end of the chapter, I'll put in the usual description of the Servant and their Abilities, and if any of you want to use any Servant portrayed here as is, with the same Noble Phantasms, abilities etc., please feel free. I only ask that you credit me and PM me with a link so I can read your story too. J

Who's next ? **YOU DECIDE !**  
I will only use characters you have suggested in your reviews for all my oneshots ! So please, go ahead, review and suggest !~

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* * *

Was this King Arthur? Kiritsugu Emiya wasn't really sure. As far as he could tell, the golden hair was right – it _shone_ in the dim light – the fair skin was right (Kiritsugu could well imagine Irisviel asking his Servant for beauty tips) and he (or was it she?) certainly had a sword. Yet there was something about the Servant that didn't seem to say 'King Arthur'. Perhaps it was the gentle smile his Servant was giving him, or perhaps it was the lack of calluses on the hands of his Servant, usually present on any sword wielder.

"Greetings!" said his Servant. "The benevolent God of Light smiles on our partnership!"

Kiritsugu paused, his mind running over the facts he knew about King Arthur. Was this some sort of old Celtic god?

"Are you King Arthur?" asked Kiritsugu bluntly, despairing instantly when he saw the questioning look on the other's face.

"By the God of Light's grace, who is this Arthur?"

Kiritsugu chided himself silently. He should have known that something could go wrong. Now he had to discover who this swordsman (on further consideration, Kiritsugu concluded that his Servant was an extremely pretty man) was, and what his abilities were. Judging by his personality, however, he did not seem to be the type to appreciate the pragmatism of Kiritsugu. A pretty-boy, religious nut of a swordsman? Kiritsugu snorted mentally. He would be so lucky if the man agreed to fight anything other than one-on-one.

Silently turning and exiting the room to confer with Maiya, Kiritsugu heard his Servant informing Irisviel, who had entered, that the God of Light would bless her if she would give him some blueberry pie.

He hurried up when he heard Iri's squeal of adoration and rushed questions about hair care.

* * *

Even though Kiritsugu was a consummate professional, his breath hitched slightly when his Saber finally drew his sword. Resplendently golden, and with a shining radiance that matched his Servant's flowing hair, the sword epitomized the spirit of knighthood. His Servant's gentle smile as he casually hefted the supremely crafted blade in a single delicate hand spoke wonders of his skill. For was he not a Saber, it said, and were Sabers not inseparable from their blades? Was not Kiritsugu, a mere mortal, going to be treated to the display of a master swordsman's art? Unconsciously, Kiritsugu's hands slipped from the trigger of his gun as a gentle white light flowed off his Servant's entire frame.

Lancer, Diarmuid ua Duibhne, tensed; his mind full of attacks and counter-attacks as Saber took one step forward. Kiritsugu stared widely as his Saber walked towards the Lancer, his face serene, sword held forward, and then, in one movement…

Saber dropped his sword on his foot, the blade missing slicing a toe off through sheer luck.

Gesturing wildly, Saber backed away, possibly muttering something that sounded suspiciously like "Die with grace" even as Lancer (and Kiritsugu) paused for a minute, their mouths hanging open in shock.

"Lancer!" boomed a voice, and Kiritsugu instantly identified it as Lancer's Master. "It has to be a trick. No Saber can be _that_ bad. Perhaps we should retreat for now."

Lancer seemed to agree, spitting in the direction of his Saber, who wrinkled his nose in disgust. "It has to be. No Saber, however much of a pansy he is, can be such a bad swordsman."

In a flash, the man was gone, and Saber sighed, walking over to his sword and pulling it out of the ground.

"Saber…" asked Kiritsugu, dreading the answer. "Was it a trick?"

"O-of course! How can I, a Saber, be a bad swordsman? Ahahahaha!" laughed Saber.

Kiritsugu, however, didn't feel reassured in the slightest.

* * *

"I-it wasn't a trick?" asked Lancer incredulously. It had only taken him two strokes with _Gai Buidhe_ to disarm Saber entirely, and send his sword flying away into the distance. "I've fought children who wielded swords better than this!" Their second encounter had barely started, and already Kiritsugu considered trying to shoot Lancer himself. Or perhaps he could shoot himself, the way things were going.

Saber was already standing a few metres away from Lancer, completely disarmed, bleeding from his hand, a nervous smile on his face as he watched Lancer take up his swords again. "The benevolent God of Light would not wish his children to be fighting." argued his Saber, and Kiritsugu found himself wondering whether to shoot himself with his rifle or his pistol.

"Oh yeah?" sneered Lancer. "And who is this God of Light, anyway?"

For some reason, this seemed to stop Saber in his tracks. "Who-who is the God of Light?!" A strange expression flashed across his face, one that most closely resembled the expression on Ilyasviel's face (thought Kiritsugu) when she was asking for something she knew she shouldn't have. A sort of hope mingled with pessimism. "Master, do you know of the God of Light?"

Kiritsugu frowned when he realised his Servant had given away his position, but he shook his head. "No."

"So…so…you don't know what the Sun Knight does? How he's supposed to be the best swordsman, the perfect gentleman and the epitome of grace?"

Lancer grinned, displaying his teeth. "Who is the Sun Knight?"

Instantly, his Servant collapsed like a puppet which had its strings cut, hysterical laughter filling the air. "I'm free! I'm free! I can go after women! I can tell this…this…bastard to **** off! ****!*******! No more Teacher and his legacy! ******! Oh, sweet, sweet alcohol! I'm ******* coming for you!"

Kiritsugu blushed lightly at the language, wondering just how many times his Servant insisted on surprising him, and noted mentally that he would have to buy medication for stress if they survived this battle.

"Tell me to…to…**** off?!" roared Lancer. "I'd like to see you try, you pansy!"

And then the white holy light surrounded his Servant again, only it seemed to magnify in its intensity tenfold, Kiritsugu noting that the injury had already healed. The flowing golden hair, the perfect skin and the holy aura were the same. Yet…Saber's expression, that had morphed from a perfect smile to a foreboding grin seemed to have changed his entire personality.

Lancer charged.

Saber smiled some more.

When Kiritsugu would later look on this battle, he would remember it as perhaps the first sign that his Servant was not the ordinary sort of Saber. Instead, his Servant had chosen to use magic.

And he used it with a flair that brought him well into the borders of the Caster class.

A hailstorm of water rained down on Lancer, stopping his charge cold. With another flick of his fingers, a spark of lightning raced towards the water, shocking Lancer through the contact, sending him careening back – but Saber wasn't finished. The assault was quickly followed up by bursts of flame, shining spheres of the white aura that surrounded Saber, and a heavy wind that merged the two into a destructive firestorm.

And what astonished Kiritsugu, Lancer and possibly Lancer's unseen Master was the fact that Saber was _doing all this even without saying anything_. Even master magicians depended on High-Speed Divine Words in the language of the Gods – so how could a **Saber** outclass them so entirely?

"Saber?!" cursed a singed, smoking and injured Lancer, standing up with his spear as a support. "You're a bloody Caster!"

Saber grinned in reply. "I'm Grisia Sun, 38th Sun Knight, bitch!"

And then corpses rose from the ground to stand beside him.

* * *

Alright ! So there's the fifteenth one. Please, go ahead and suggest characters! If I don't get any suggestions, I can't make the next chappy…

Another Saber this time, and I realise its someone most of you are very probably unaware of. I know that, and the chapter is certainly more interesting if you've actually read about the character and the series of which he is a part. Still, I didn't want to always stick to the mainstream heroes, so it was a conscious decision to take someone more…obscure.

This suggestion was given by _Silvar Sunstrider._ Grisia (Creus?) Sun is the 38th Generation Sun Knight in the manhua/light novel series _Legend of the Sun Knight_. Essentially, he has to maintain the façade of being the 'Sun Knight', the perfect representative of the Church of the God of Light – the only problem is, he sucks at swordplay or riding. Instead, he's a master mage (and necromancer!) but in canon he has to hide his skills because it would ruin his reputation if it ever came out. Also, he's a pervert, alcohol addict and general manipulative bastard hiding under the veneer of a perfect gentleman.

Go read _Legend of the Sun Knight_. You won't regret it.

* * *

Class: Saber

Master: Kiritsugu Emiya

True Name: Grisia Sun

Titles: Sun Knight

Sex: Male

Height/Weight: Exact details unknown

Alignment: Chaotic Good

Strength: D

Endurance: A

Agility: C

Mana: B

Luck: D

Noble Phantasm: E

**_Class Skills_**_-_

Magic Resistance - EX

Grants protection against magical effects.

Not only is Saber protected by his class and his high magical aptitude, but his status as the Sun Knight ensures he is the wielder of massive amounts of holy light, allowing him to 'be protected by his faith', like Joan of Arc. This ensures he is undamaged by all but the highest classes of magic.

Riding – E

The skill to ride animals and vehicles.

Saber possesses zero aptitude for this skill, and can barely ride a horse without falling off. His level in this skill is unbefitting of the Saber class.

**_Personal Skills-_**

Charisma - A

The natural talent to command an army. Raises the skills of allies in a group battle.

Saber can be said to have reached the highest level of popularity for a human being in life. He was admired and adored as the paragon of virtue by people in an entire country, and also beyond its borders.

Clairvoyance - B

A skill of superior visual perception. Supplement long-range aiming and increases dynamic vision. Furthermore, at higher ranks it is possible to acquire precognition ("see into the future") and other forms of perception that are beyond normal eyesight (X-ray vision and the sorts).

Saber can supplement his vision with his magic. He is capable of using it to see not only for three-sixty degrees around him, but can also identify people's unique signatures as well as their elemental affinities, if any. It allows him to track people down even in large cities.

Genius of Magic - EX

The possession of a natural aptitude of magic far surpassing any others in recorded history.

Saber possesses such a powerful aptitude for magic that he can instantly learn a spell even by seeing it cast only once, regardless of which field of magic it is in. He can further chain together multiple spells of his even without speaking a single word, a feat unmatched in all of antiquity.

**_Noble Phantasms-_**

The Sun Knight _"38th in Line for the Legacy"_ : D

An incredibly powerful Noble Phantasm, its rank is decreased to D because of Saber's lack of aptitude for his class. At peak potential, it strengthens existing magic with holy light, instantly obliterating all creatures of the dark; allows for near-instant regeneration; and makes its wielder a peerless warrior. Instead, Saber compensates for the weakness of this with his magic.


	16. The Liberator of Perlia

I own nothing, none of the characters or series used in this. Heck, I don't even own the laptop I'm writing this on.

At the end of the chapter, I'll put in the usual description of the Servant and their Abilities, and if any of you want to use any Servant portrayed here as is, with the same Noble Phantasms, abilities etc., please feel free. I only ask that you credit me and PM me with a link so I can read your story too.

Who's next ? **YOU DECIDE !**  
I will only use characters you have suggested in your reviews for all my oneshots ! So please, go ahead, review and suggest !~

* * *

**Next Achievement: Get to 500+ reviews!**

Also, if you have time, please check out my other story, _Fate Mundi Bellum._

* * *

Rin Tohsaka wanted a Saber. Her entire, comprehensive magical education under Kotomine Kirei had left her with a firm belief in the inherent superiority of the Saber class above all else. It was perhaps this that affected her summoning to an extent, giving her, in one timeline, a white-haired Counter-Guardian who could well be a Saber even though he was summoned as Archer.

In another timeline, Rin Tohsaka received another Archer who could also be a Saber. That Archer was a brave hero, courageous and perfect - without fault.

This is not the story of that timeline.

In _yet another_ timeline, Rin Tohsaka received _yet another_ Archer who could be a Saber. This Archer can no more be described like the previous one than the sun could be called frigid.

This is the story of that timeline.

Rin stared at her summoning, a brief flicker of hope rising in her as she stared at his towering form (although, to be fair, most people tended to tower over her). Dressed in what was clearly a deep-blue military greatcoat with a resplendent sash over it and a peaked cap, he seemed to possess an aura of ruggedness about him. Her eyes caught on the long scabbard sheathed at his waist, and the rather strange weaponry tucked into his belt and she hoped. Was this her Saber?

"Servant Archer is here." said her Servant, sending Rin's hopes crashing down about her. Silently, she motioned for her Servant to follow her and stormed out of the room, cursing herself. How could she have been such an idiot?

Shrugging, Archer followed her.

* * *

-_Archer's POV-_

I've been in many dangerous situations, of course, thanks to my ill-deserved reputation, but I had to wonder what possessed me to follow the frakking Summoning. Fighting six other 'Servants', all of whom no doubt deserved their heroic status would be the type of danger I wasn't willing to allow myself to be exposed to.

My Master, to use the rather archaic phrase, seems to be rather disappointed with my presence. I don't blame her; if I were her I would be disappointed with me too. No doubt she was expecting someone of the level of the Astartes.

Oh well. If push comes to shove, I can always _shove_ her in front of me. The more people between me and the firing lines the better things are always.

Why don't they have any frakking tanna here?

* * *

"Archer, attack him!" shouted Rin, standing up from her hiding place and gesturing with a flourish at the rather-dangerous looking blue-suited man whose spear seemed to be throbbing. And no, that wasn't a euphemism.

I could have killed her. Only the reminder that doing so would kill me as well stopped me. That and she had those things called 'Command Seals'.

I don't even understand why she wanted me to fight him. I mean, sure, he was going to go hunt down some civilian, but as far as I'm concerned that boy he was attacking and the blue man were welcome to each other. And even then why did she have to stand up and scream her command? I might have had a little success shooting the frakker from here.

Still, it was too late for that now.

I stood up from my hiding place (behind my Master, coincidentally) and the blue man turned to gaze at me, his grin widening into something feral. I didn't like that look.

"What's that Master?" he said, clearly talking to his Master. "His stats are all A-ranked?" I hoped he would be intimidated and run away, but instead he smiled even broader, if that was possible. "You'll make for a good fight!"

My heart stopped for a second. Well, frak me. I completely forgot that my undeserved reputation had this effect on people trying to see my stats. I put it down to the Emperor's sense of humour – even in death my reputation gets me into fights.

The blue man charged fast, and it was only my duellist's reflexes that saved me, instinctively bringing my chainsword up to block the thrusts of his spear, the grinding teeth whining against the spear. As the tip came dangerously close to my face on more than one occasion, I winced. The aura the spear gave off…it reminded me of warpcraft, of a unmistakeable Chaos taint.

The blue man jumped back, grinning like a lunatic. I revised my opinion. It wasn't just the spear – this frakker seemed to enjoy battle like the Khornate cults I'd once fought did.

"Time to die, Archer!" he said, and I considered drawing my laspistol and shooting him in the face while he talked. Then he said something that sounded like 'Gay Blog', and the taint of Chaos warpcraft grew even more unmistakeable about the spear, the damn thing glowing red.

Clearly he was building up for some sort of ultimate warpcraft attack. And if I was facing warpcraft, there was only one person I wanted beside me.

"_Jurgen!_" I called, and my voice may have risen a little in the strain of the battle.

A lingering taint that reminded me of dead fish pervaded the air, and my Master was trying not to gag, but it was reassuring to me.

"You called, Comissar?" said Jurgen, my malodorous aide, his meltagun loosely held in his hand.

By this time the blue frakker had finished chanting the name of his spear, or his God, or frak all, and the spear turned into a beam of red light, shot towards me so fast I couldn't even move and –

Dissipated a few yards away.

I sighed in relief. Jurgen's unique nature as a blank rendered him – and anyone beside him – absolutely immune to any form of warpcraft or psykers. His gift had saved me on more than one occasion, and it had done so once again.

The blue man was gaping at us disbelievingly, but then he had to put in a sudden dive as Jurgen phlegmatically triggered his meltagun, the searing flash blinding everyone and revealing completely scorched ground, but unfortunately he was fast enough to avoid the melta, and it appeared we had reached an impasse.

* * *

We both stared each other in the eye, me thinking up some suitably heroic thing to say, him probably wondering what to do, and Jurgen fiddling around in the equipment pouches he was festooned with looking for who knows what.

Then my cursed Master spoke again. "Finish him! Finish him!" she shouted, like one of those annoying refrains from the hologames my young cadets at the schola liked to play.

I sighed again, something my Master was making me do often. Jurgen and I would have a tough fight with this opponent, and who knew what else he had up his blue sleeves. Besides, I could get hurt in the battle, and that would be a definitely bad thing. So, bracing myself, I called out, "_597th Valhallan!_"

With a rumbling and a creaking, the air behind me warped, and an irritatingly familiar voice shouted "Commissar Cain! In the name of the Emperor we will destroy him for you, Commissar!"

I turned, looking at the face of Sulla. It appeared becoming a part of my _Noble Phantasm_ had not cured her of her horsy looks. I smiled artificially, and turned to Kasteen and Brocklaw, who more reassuringly saluted and then opened fire.

It was a beautiful thing to see. The blue man completely swamped under a deluge of laspistol bolts, hellgun bolts, heavy bolter shells, and I'm pretty sure I saw some krak rounds tossed in as well. The one-thousand strong men and women of the 597th Valhallan had come good for me once again.

"Some tanna, Commissar?" said Jurgen, offering me a flask he had withdrawn from his equipment pouch, which I accepted gratefully.

Things were looking up.

* * *

Alright ! So there's the sixteenth one. Please, go ahead and suggest characters! If I don't get any suggestions, I can't make the next chappy…

An Archer this time, and its Ciaphas Cain, Hero of the Imperium! Yes, I have deviated from my usual third-person narrative, but if you're familiar with the Cain Archive (the novels of Ciaphas Cain) you'll understand why. As a character, I had to display Cain's usual cowardice and reluctance to fight.

This suggestion was given by _Lawless._ Ciaphas Cain is a Hero of the Imperium, from the Warhammer 40000verse. Due to sheer luck and some opportunism, Cain has developed a reputation as a brave warrior, a daring leader and a father to his men – too bad he doesn't want to fight, wants a desk job and couldn't care less whether his men die as long as they do it saving his skin.

Please, read the Cain Archive series. Even if you're not familiar with the Warhammer 40kverse (and I wasn't) you'll still find it very enjoyable.

* * *

Class: Archer

Master: Tohsaka Rin

True Name: Ciaphas Cain

Titles: Commissar, Hero of the Imperium

Sex: Male

Height/Weight: Exact details unknown

Alignment: Chaotic Neutral

Strength: D

Endurance: B

Agility: C

Mana: B

Luck: EX

Noble Phantasm: EX

**_Class Skills_**_-_

Magic Resistance - E

Grants protection against magical effects.

Archer has little to no magical protection by himself. However, when he is utilising his _Noble Phantasm, Jurgen_, then it boosts his Magic Resistance all the way to EX rank.

Independent Action – C

The ability to remain independent in this world even while rejecting prana supply from a Master.

Archer was relatively independent when in life, and is capable of remaining for a full day in this world without an established contract.

**_Personal Skills-_**

Charisma - A

The natural talent to command an army. Raises the skills of allies in a group battle.

Archer's Charisma spread his fame not only in a single planet, but over multiple planets and over quite a large swathe of the known galaxy. It greatly benefits him when using his _Noble Phantasms._

Inflated Arms Mastership - A

Arms Mastership that is wrongfully attributed. Servant's stats appear higher than they are.

Due to Archer's undeserved reputation, all his stats appear to be at A-rank to any Master that observes him. He is also shown to have 'EX-rank Bravery' even though in reality he has nothing of the sort.

Supremacy of Man - C

A belief in the natural supremacy of humankind. Boosts stats when fighting non-human opponents.

Due to his position and role when alive, Archer possesses disdain and hatred for non-humans; although compared to most people around him he is actually a moderate. He gains a half-rank boost in all stats when fighting non-humans.

Underground Dweller – C

The ability to navigate when underground, in tunnels, or other confined spaces.

Having grown up in a hive world, Archer will never lose his sense of direction when underground or in a confined space. He can also fight well in darkness.

**_Noble Phantasms-_**

Jurgen _"A Commissar's Faithful Aide"_ : B

A Noble Phantasm that calls forth Gunner First Class Ferik Jurgen, a Heroic Spirit in his own right, to assist and serve Archer. Wielding a powerful weapon capable of vaporising flesh, Jurgen is a capable warrior. However his true skill lies in his nature as a 'blank' which protects him and all near him from any magic or magic-based weaponry.

597th Valhallan _"March in the Name of the Emperor"_ : EX

An incredibly powerful Noble Phantasm, it calls forth the thousand men and woman of the 597th Valhallan regiment. Although small as far as armies go, their highly advanced weaponry and single-minded dedication makes them equal or superior to armies even a hundred times their size.


	17. Him

I own nothing, none of the characters or series used in this. Heck, I don't even own the laptop I'm writing this on.

At the end of the chapter, I'll put in the usual description of the Servant and their Abilities, and if any of you want to use any Servant portrayed here as is, with the same Noble Phantasms, abilities etc., please feel free. I only ask that you credit me and PM me with a link so I can read your story too. J

Who's next ? **YOU DECIDE !**  
I will only use characters you have suggested in your reviews for all my oneshots ! So please, go ahead, review and suggest !~

* * *

**Next Achievement: Get to 500+ reviews!**

* * *

"Kiritsugu-kun!" squealed Irisiviel von Einzbern, wife of the Magus-Killer Kiritsugu Emiya, "The telefishy is not working!"

Kiritsugu sighed, walking over to the television set. He regretted introducing her to the television; she seemed to spend all her time fiddling about with it and calling him to fix the blasted thing. With one hand, he pulled out his mobile phone, mind already running over his latest plans to negate the Servants he knew about.

The mobile phone buzzed weakly when it was turned on, and Kiritsugu's repeated calls to Maiya refused to go through.

Then a nebulous pattern formed in his mind, and Kiritsugu leaped to his control room, from where the cameras he had set up all over his house would display their feed.

The only thing he saw was static.

And Kiritsugu's mind was made up.

Something was close at hand.

* * *

The first true proof Kiritsugu had about the presence of an intruder came when he heard a high-pitched laugh echoing through the night, the chilling voice seeming to wash over him. His hair standing on end, and nerves tensed, Kiritsugu motioned for Saber to follow him and walked to confront the intruder.

The intruder appeared to be Asian, in his late teens or early twenties, with dark-orange hair and purple clothes. What drew Kiritsugu's attention was the glowing red eyes of the man and the trail of blood that was leaking down his chin.

The man coughed, the sound a harsh grating rasp, and spat some more blood on the ground. Straightening, and drawing a butcher's knife from his jacket, he charged.

Saber moved to block him.

And within a few seconds, Kiritsugu had no doubt this was not a Servant. The man was fighting with a bloodlust Kiritsugu had rarely seen before, but there seemed to be none of the berserk rage normally associated with such fights – instead, he just seemed to be…insane. Insane, and thirsting for blood, for a kill, for _death_.

As the wild swipes with the cleaver's blade had little effect beyond _whishing_ through the empty air, and Saber's counterattack had left the man with a bad slash down his left shoulder, Kiritsugu immediately concluded that this was not the true threat.

Still laughing wildly, the orange-haired madman stumbled backward, deciding instead to toss his knife at Saber's head, the throw rocketing through the air with a speed that would have left normal men unable to react – but Saber was Arturia Pendragon, the King of Knights, and to her it might well have been in slow motion.

Contemptuously, she parried the knife away from her head, staring at the man.

"Come! Come!" cackled their opponent, gesturing with his arms, addressing some far-off point. Turning, he seemed to have ignored them completely in favour of urging his supposed ally onward.

Saber tensed herself, readying for the assault, honour preventing her from taking the opportunity.

With no such qualms, Kiritsugu lined up the madman in the sights of his rifle.

_One…Two…Three…Pull._

He fired.

The man dropped.

* * *

"He's…coming." rasped their erstwhile opponent, even as his body spasmed, his heart fighting a losing battle to remain functional with a gaping wound torn through it. "Coming."

"Who is?" asked Saber, imperiously, sword still drawn with anticipation of an assault.

"…" There was a moment of silence, as Kiritsugu and Saber dispassionately watched the man twitch in his agony.

Then one word floated through the clearing, escaping the man's lips along with his last breath of air.

"Him…"

* * *

It had been a long vigil – or at least, it felt like one. Kiritsugu's watch told him it had been no more than an hour since they had waited for the man's unknown ally – if he even existed – to arrive. And yet…there was something in the atmosphere that foretold doom. Sweat trickled down Kiritsugu's brow, and a strong sense of nausea suddenly overwhelmed him.

Collapsing to his knees, Kiritsugu braced himself against the ground, panting heavily – his lungs were burning as if he had been running from someone, and a sensation of _wrongness_ flitted through his mind, on and off, sending him further and further into his spiralling anxiety.

"You need not worry, Master." said Saber, helping him up. "I will not be defeated by anyone." And yet the slight frown on her face, as if she was mildly uneasy, told him she wasn't as confident as she was making herself out to be.

Still, he appreciated the sentiment, and Kiritsugu stood up again, still gasping for breath.

Then, he saw her – one second she wasn't there, the next she was.

Eyes glowing red. Silver hair flecked with blood. Shadows of black shifting about her form. The corpses of the Einzberns he had assigned to her at her feet. Blood trickling down her lips. And the smile that had so captivated him but now - inspired terror.

"Hello, daddy." giggled Ilyasviel Einzbern.

* * *

"I-Ilya?!" said a stunned Kiritsugu, his fingers going slack for a second, rifle dropping with an audible _clunk_ over the sudden silence. Not trusting himself to speak, bile rising in his throat, Kiritsugu examined the apparition – he refused to call her Ilya – and concluded that as far as he knew she was the real thing, or at least sufficiently close enough to fool his senses.

"I left you in Germany! How are you here?"

"He brought me, daddy." replied Ilya, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Who is **_HE?_**" screamed a frustrated Kiritsugu, the words clawing themselves out of his throat.

"Him." she said, mysteriously, walking closer and closer to Kiritsugu, lips curled back in a predatory smile, and hand placed ominously in her pocket.

"Tell me daddy…" she said, and Kiritsugu tried to _move_, to fight, but some aura kept him pinned in position, unable to do anything but watch the abomination that twisted his daughter's form walk closer and closer to him. His only hope was Saber.

And she moved, flashing at Ilyasviel with the blunt end of her sword –

Only for a tendril of shadow to snake its way about her form and casually toss her into a tree, which then bent to embrace her in a vice-grip of black branches. Fighting her way free, Saber moved once again, desperate to save her Master – and Kiritsugu could finally see out of the corner of his eye what she was contending with when Ilya had drawn only a few feet away from him.

He was a tall man, abnormally so, his entire form, gangling limbs and immaculate suit shifting in and out of his field of perception as Saber fought to overcome the trees and strange blue fire that erupted everywhere about her. His blank, faceless visage was impassive and terrifying, an impersonal malevolence that signified the end.

"…do you love me?" said Ilya, driving her hand upwards into her father's chest, dainty stiletto clutched firmly in her stubby fingers.

With a choked gasp, blood stained the ground, and Emiya Kiritsugu knew the name of the being who had orchestrated his death, in the few moments before darkness claimed him.

"…The Slender Man…" he whispered, his voice carried away by the wind.

All was silent once more, save for the dripping sound of blood and tears.

* * *

Alright ! So there's the seventeenth one. Please, go ahead and suggest characters! If I don't get any suggestions, I can't make the next chappy…

Another Caster, and in a departure from my usual norm, I've gone with a clear villain here. The Slender Man, famous internet created terror. The orange-haired man at the beginning was Uryuu Ryuunosuke, for those of you who don't know, Slender Man's 'Master' and eventual Proxy. His death doesn't impair the Slender Man because of his Independent Action. And, obviously, Ilya was manipulated.

This suggestion was given by _Taromaru._ The Slender Man, as I've mentioned earlier, is a internet-created, crowd-sourced horror; supposedly a long-limbed, freakishly tall and faceless 'fourth-dimensional' being who preys on children.

Go ahead and read his mythos…if you like spooky stuff.

* * *

Class: Caster

Master: Uryuu Ryuunosuke [deceased]

True Name: The Slender Man

Titles: Him, White King, The Pale One, too many to list

Sex: Male [presumed]

Height/Weight: Varies greatly

Alignment: Chaotic Evil

Strength: D

Endurance: D

Agility: C

Mana: A

Luck: C

Noble Phantasm: C

**_Class Skills_**_-_

Independent Action – A++

The ability to remain independent in this world even while rejecting prana supply from a Master.

Caster can remain in this world indefinitely without a contract with a Master. He can also use his Noble Phantasms [albeit sparingly] after preying on some people.

Territory Creation – B

The skill to create a territory which is advantageous to oneself as a magus.

Caster can create a Workshop known as 'The Pale Forest', essentially resembling a massive dark forest with bare trees. The trees conceal his presence effectively and can be used in conjunction with his magic to attack any unwary opponents within the forest.

**_Personal Skills-_**

Extradimensional Magic - B

The aptitude to wield magic that is 'unearthly', and whose secrets are impossible to comprehend to any and all dwellers of Earth.

Caster is capable of wielding both a form of pyrokinesis and a form of plant manipulation magic, as well as creating tendrils of shadow. These are all activated in complete silence and without warning of any sort, making this a dangerous magic to face.

Information Erasure - C

The removal of information regarding the Servant's true name, abilities, and appearance from the records and memories of all witnesses, including the opponent, following the conclusion of an engagement.

Caster short-circuits all technology merely by being nearby, and his presence can only be vaguely captured by cameras at a long distance. Most people also cannot sense his presence, or soon forget it; ascribing it to hallucinations is the most common explanation.

Unearthly One - C

The status of being someone who contradicts the laws of Gaia.

Caster is no human, nor is he a beast; no one is sure of his exact nature. It is only certain that he does not 'belong' on Gaia. As a result, the planet will turn against him to an extent after a period of time, but it also means he is unaffected by most earthly constructs, able to use his strange magic and Noble Phantasms to phase in and out of them at will.

**_Noble Phantasms-_**

Slenderwalk _"Motion in Four Dimensions"_ : C

A Noble Phantasm allowing Caster to move in 'four dimensions' as opposed to the three of Earth. This makes him appear to teleport, or become intangible, to opponents who are firmly stuck in the three dimensions.

The Proxy _"Instruments of His Malevolence"_ : C[B]

This Noble Phantasm allows Caster to corrupt any human being into becoming his slave by his continued presence. It ranks up to B when used on children. Only skills of B-rank and above that negate this will stop it [for Servants who are summoned in a child's form, A-rank skill is required].

Terrifying Wrongness _"Too Scared to Scream"_ : C[B]

A Noble Phantasm that renders anyone nearby Caster overcome with terror and anxiety. In contrast to his previous Noble Phantasm, this one ranks at C when used on children, and B when used on adults. Skills of sufficient rank are required to resist this, but even then there might be some small apprehension remaining.


	18. These Servants are Crazy!

I own nothing, none of the characters or series used in this. Heck, I don't even own the laptop I'm writing this on.

At the end of the chapter, I'll put in the usual description of the Servant and their Abilities, and if any of you want to use any Servant portrayed here as is, with the same Noble Phantasms, abilities etc., please feel free. I only ask that you credit me and PM me with a link so I can read your story too.

* * *

Who's next ? **YOU DECIDE !**

I will only use characters you have suggested in your reviews for all my oneshots ! So please, go ahead, review and suggest !~

* * *

**Next Achievement: Get to 500+ reviews!**

* * *

"This is unprecedented." muttered Jubstacht von Einzbern, observing the summoning that Emiya Kiritsugu had made. "Absolutely unprecedented." Kiritsugu excused himself the moment of weakness as a momentary shock flitted across his face.

It wasn't every day after all that _two_ people were summoned as _one_ Servant.

"Greetings!" said the blonde-haired man, who, Kiritsugu idly noted, was so short that it looked like he would barely reach up to his torso, his winged helmet tilted at a jaunty angle, and his short sword clanking against his belt with every movement. "I'm Servant Saber." he said, extending his hand.

"And I'm Ob-" started the other, the red-haired giant who towered both horizontally and vertically over Kiritsugu and most humans. Kiritsugu had heard Irisviel say that stripes made you look thinner, but the blue-and-white stripes this man was wearing seemed to have given up trying long ago. The blonde cut him off, driving an elbow into his ribs.

"What did I tell you about introducing ourselves?" he asked, staring the giant in the eye, although he did have to tilt his head back to do so.

"Oh very well," conceded the giant, sheepishly rubbing his foot on the ground, "I won't tell him my name, Asterix."

"**GNGNGNG!**" said the short man, or some sound to that rough effect, his face reddening in anger, "Why did you tell him my name, Obelix?!"

"Excuse me," cut in Kiritsugu, "but I think you just told me his name as well."

"Ha!" said Obelix, to whom this clearly hadn't occurred, "What did I tell you about introducing ourselves, Asterix?"

"By Toutatis, Obelix, I'll-"

"OH, SO IT'S ALL RIGHT FOR MISTER ASTERIX TO DO IT BUT NOT ME?"

"Woof!"

"What was that, Obelix?"

"It was me, I said woof."

"YOU BROUGHT DOGMATIX HERE?"

"No, I told you, I said woof. What's wrong with me saying woof?"

"Woof!"

"And I suppose that was you again?"

"Of course, by Toutatis and Bellisama!"

"Listen, Obelix," said Asterix placatingly, "this is a dangerous situation. Dogmatix is too small to help us."

"No he isn't." replied the other man, nose stuck in the air, "I've been training him to fight."

The argument looked like it would go on endlessly, and Kiritsugu raised his eyes to the skies. He wasn't a religious man, but he was sure there was someone out there laughing at him.

* * *

Perhaps Kiritsugu had given up hope then, but there came a point when he realised that his two Servants (or should it be one, since both of them claimed to be Servant Saber) were a lot more than meets the eye. There came a point when he saw their stunning competence.

"Asterix, do you think divine bulls taste any better than normal ones?"

Specifically, this point arrived halfway into their fight with Rider, King Iskandar the Great, when Obelix was calmly watching as the divine-bull drawn chariot tried to run him over but – and there was no other way to put it – _bounced_ off his generous stomach.

"I don't know, Obelix." replied Asterix, who was at this point uncorking a gourd and drinking from it, "why don't you try it out?"

"You- what?" asked Iskandar, watching amazed as the well-covered man in front of him proceeded to do just that, swiping fiercely at the divine bulls and sending them flying off to the sides, the beasts clearly reluctant to come back for another charge.

"There appears to be no choice." said Iskandar, drawing his sword. "You are worthy adversaries of mine, and I will take you seriously."

Then the air warped, Iskandar's soul overwrote reality, and the world turned into an endless desert.

"You know, Asterix, this reminds me of that time we got lost in the desert looking for that oil."

"Yes, we certainly met a few slippery characters on that adventure."

And then with a thunderous march, accompanied by clanking metal that would have roused the devil himself and hoarse battlecries, Iskandar's endless army came into view.

The King of Conquerors was pleased to look at the faces of his enemy – the large one was shocked, his jaw open and he was rubbing his eyes repeatedly as if trying to wake up from a dream, and the short one – the short one – why was he _laughing_?

"Asterix!" shouted the large man, a large grin working its way onto his face, a look that unnerved Iskandar a little, "Tell me I'm not dreaming!"

Well, that was an acceptable reaction, mused Iskandar. Surely the thought of facing such an army must have shocked them.

"No, Obelix," confirmed Asterix, "you're not dreaming."

And then Iskandar watched, baffled beyond all belief, as the large man screamed, "LOTS AND LOTS OF LOVELY ROMANS! COME TO ME!" and _rushed_ headlong into his army, knocking his entire front line back and – Iskandar wasn't sure, but did he say something like "the one with the most helmets wins" or something?

Gaping, he turned back to the short man, only to suddenly yelp in pain as something small, white and furry latched onto his leg, and before Iskandar could correct his enemy that he was actually Greek thank you very much, the man shouted "There you are Dogmatix!" and rushed back at him.

The King of Conquerors felt a headache coming on, even as he drew his sword to defend himself, unknowingly imitating a famous Roman Emperor a few centuries after his life.

* * *

"OHOHOHOHO!"

"What are you laughing about now, Obelix?"

"I can't help it! You reminded me of the joke, that we met slippery characters! OHOHOHO!"

Asterix shot him a glare, and turned to regard his new Master, a confused orange-haired boy who was staring at the two of them, clearly uncomprehending.

"And that is the story of how we met your father. You see, Master, you summoned us because you have some of our magic potion in you."

"Don't tell me, Asterix, this is that boy? The one our previous Master rescued from the fire?"

"Yes, Obelix. He was given some potion to heal faster."

"Woof!"

"Not again, Obelix!"

The man's reply was cut off by an arrow whizzing through the window and nearly burying itself in Emiya Shirou's head – and the two Gauls stared at the new intruder, red-cloaked and white-haired, smiling dangerously at them.

"A midget and a fat man. How pathetic."

"Fat? Who's fat?" said Obelix, looking around.

"You."

And then all hell broke loose, and with a mad roar, Obelix charged the Archer, each strike splintering his bow before he could fire an arrow, keeping him fully on the defensive until he jumped away onto a tree and Obelix paused, "I'm just well-covered!"

"What inhuman strength…" muttered EMIYA, watching the man return beside his younger form. "There has to be a secret to that…" said the Counter Guardian, watching the shorter man take out a flask and drink it, "Could it be?"

And with a flash, the _Noble Phantasm_ was imitated, and EMIYA now had a vial of magic potion in front of him. He grinned devilishly, smiling at the shocked faces of the two.

"Asterix!"

"Oh no, Obelix!" said the shorter man, theatrically, "whatever will we do? If he drinks that potion he'll be strong! Not as strong as you, though."

With a grin, EMIYA chugged down the potion in one gulp, and made another vial. "And now?"

"Woe is us, Obelix!" said Asterix, collapsing dramatically to the floor, "If he has the sense to drink more potions he'll easily defeat us!"

"But Asterix-"

"Oh woe, Obelix!"

_What idiots._ And then EMIYA drunk five, six, seven shots of the potion, eight, nine, te- wait, why was he feeling heavy? Why couldn't he move his hand? And then EMIYA looked at himself with horror, realising that he was turning to stone, the inexorable march of the mineral creeping over his body.

"And that, Obelix," said Asterix, "is how you beat fakers."

"All I know, Asterix," replied Obelix, "is that these Servants are crazy."

* * *

Alright ! So there's the eighteenth one. Please, go ahead and suggest characters! If I don't get any suggestions, I can't make the next chappy…

A Saber – or is it two? – and it's Asterix, Obelix (and Dogmatix)! I just couldn't have one without the other, and Asterix _technically_ qualifies for Saber with his sword, and Obelix – well, his case isn't as strong, but if Heracles can wield a huge slab of stone, a menhir should count also, right?

This suggestion was given by _Heaven Canceler._ Asterix and Obelix are the protagonists of the comic _Asterix_, an amazing read.

Go read it! It's so funny and awesome.

* * *

Class: Saber

Master: Kiritsugu Emiya [Fourth War] / Shirou Emiya [Fifth War]

True Name: Asterix / Obelix

Titles: The Crazy Gauls

Sex: Male / Male

Height/Weight: Short and Little / Tall and Fat Well-Covered

Alignment: Chaotic Good

Strength: D / EX

Endurance: D / EX

Agility: A / C

Mana: A / A

Luck: B / D

Noble Phantasm: EX / EX

**_Class Skills_**_-_

Independent Action – A++

The ability to remain independent in this world even while rejecting prana supply from a Master.

Asterix and Obelix travelled the world on multiple adventures when alive, and can therefore remain in the world even without a contract, indefinitely.

Magic Resistance – C

Grants protection against magical effects.

Through their consumption of the magic potion, Asterix and Obelix are both protected against all minor spells and a few higher-leveled ones. No modern magi can even scratch them.

**_Personal Skills-_**

Animal Dialogue [Obelix] - D

The skill to communicate with animals that do not speak a language of words.

Due to his long association with his pet, Obelix can convey simple commands to Dogmatix.

Bravery – A+ / A

The ability to negate mental interference such as pressure, confusion etc.

Both Asterix and Obelix are indomitable Gauls, unafraid of anything beside the sky falling on their heads. They focus solely on their tasks, and when together their bond of friendship allows one of them to break the other out of any mental effect applicable.

The Roman's Bane – A / A

The status of being someone whose very presence demoralizes and damages Heroic Spirits or people coming from Rome or Italy.

Asterix and Obelix were so greatly feared by the Romans when they were alive that their very presence would send entire armies fleeing and cause armed fortresses to be deserted by their troops. As a result, any Heroic Spirit from Italy loses two ranks in all skills if in their presence. Any modern magi coming from Italy is unable to cast any magic in their presence.

**_Noble Phantasms-_**

Magic Potion _"A Druid's Secret"_ : B

A Noble Phantasm wielded by Asterix. It is a flask of magic potion that he carries on him at all times. Drinking it will give him a temporary boost of two ranks in all his basic parameters. Once consumed, it cannot be used again in the same day. Overconsumption of the magic potion will lead to a person turning into stone.

Permanent Magic Potion _"I Fell into the Cauldron when a Baby"_ : EX

A Noble Phantasm wielded by Obelix. It is permanently active, keeping his strength and endurance at incomprehensible levels. It cannot be turned off – consumption of any more magic potion on top of this will result in Obelix turning into stone. However, this often means that Obelix cannot control his own strength.

The Village _"Indomitable Gaulish Will"_ : EX

A Noble Phantasm wielded by Asterix and Obelix combined. It calls forth the people of their village, a hundred or so warriors all under the effects of magic potion and with high ranked Bravery. However, this is not often used, as Obelix is against sharing his fights with more people than necessary.


	19. Man of Steel

I own nothing, none of the characters or series used in this. Heck, I don't even own the laptop I'm writing this on.

At the end of the chapter, I'll put in the usual description of the Servant and their Abilities, and if any of you want to use any Servant portrayed here as is, with the same Noble Phantasms, abilities etc., please feel free. I only ask that you credit me and PM me with a link so I can read your story too.

* * *

Who's next ? **YOU DECIDE !**  
I will only use characters you have suggested in your reviews for all my oneshots ! So please, go ahead, review and suggest !~

* * *

**Achievement Unlocked: Get to 500+ reviews!**

**Next Achievement: Complete at least 6 more oneshots by year end!**

* * *

To say Matou Kariya was confused would be an understatement. He knew his summoning had not failed – he had seen a blue-clad figure step out of the smoke, look around him and then – suddenly disappear. Did his Servant not want to work under them? Or was this an ability of his? Maybe he should use a Command Seal? Kariya wondered grimly if this meant the end for his dream to save Sakura, if not even his Servant wished to work with him. Perhaps the only consolation he had was that Zouken was as confused as he was.

Then his Servant reappeared, and Kariya's heart stopped. For cradled in his hands was Sakura, her limp body covered by the red cape the Servant was earlier wearing. With a look of anger that sent Kariya shuddering, his Servant asked, "Who did **this**?"

"Incredible." said Zouken, clearly unaffected by the glare. "You sensed her from here?"

"I _saw_ her from here. Now who was responsible for this abomination?"

"I." replied Zouken, smiling, and when Kariya saw the glare that was directed by the Servant at him he thought of warning Zouken to run, to hide, but Zouken didn't seem to have the same human reactions Kariya did. "Do anything to me, and I will kill Kariya. With no Master, you will disappear, and your wish will not be fulfilled."

Silently, his Servant kneeled down, placing the unconscious Sakura gently on the ground. Kariya felt his heart shatter with a mixture of guilt, shame and desperation. It was _his_ fault now that Sakura wasn't saved.

"I knew it." gloated Zouken. "No ordinary man would give up a wish for anything in the world to save one useless girl."

"You know," said his Servant, standing up, allowing Kariya a good look at his handsome face, muscled body and the strange symbol on his chest that Kariya knew from his limited knowledge of English, "I never told you who I was."

And in a blink, he disappeared, only to reappear behind Zouken faster than the old man could think, and sent him slamming face-first into the wall, knocking him unconscious. "I'm Superman."

Kariya's eyes welled up with tears, and his heart burst with hope – so much so that he nearly missed what his Servant, Berserker, Superman, was saying, "….gic work beyond dimensions to kill you?"

"Huh? Oh, uh, no. No. Only one man in the world has magic that can cross dimensions."

"Excellent." replied his Servant, and what looked like an old-style camera projector appeared in his hand. With a flick of a switch, it shot forth a beam of light that enveloped Zouken, and when it stopped – Zouken had disappeared. With a satisfied smile, Superman made the projector disappear once more. "I hope he enjoys his time with Zod in the Phantom Zone."

Kariya gaped, tears falling silently down his face, and his Servant looked kindly at him. "You can take her and go somewhere safe now."

"And – and you?"

"I'm going to make sure nobody dies in this war."

* * *

Gilles de Rais did not know what hit him. He knew what it felt like – it reminded him of the bone-crunching impact of two armoured knights charging into each other, and he knew that his bones were shattering under the impact, but he still didn't know what hit him. Some sort of _Noble Phantasm_?

Grunting in pain and opening his eyes after the force sent him cartwheeling into the ground, he was surprised to find nothing more than a blue-and-red clad man with his arm outstretched. Had a single punch really done this to him?

"You monster." said the man.

Gilles de Rais, Caster, snapped out of his confusion and began his counter-attack. This man was clearly a Servant, and if he was planning on taking him down, stopping him from meeting Jeanne – well, Gilles would have to end his existence. Cackling fervently, he summoned his _Prelati's Spellbook_, and called forth a terrifying demon, its wildly flailing tentacles ripping apart metal and concrete as it focused its might on the intruder – only for one of its tentacles to be caught casually by a hand, and the tentacles flailed wildly once more, only this time in panic as the monster was casually thrown into the air by the man.

Gilles de Rais stared for a split-second, and this was all the man needed, his eyes glowing red and a beam shooting forth, incinerating the spellbook before Caster could summon any more monsters.

Before Gilles could even cry "Jeanne!", the battle was ended and he found himself slipping into blackness.

* * *

Kariya could be excused for forgetting entirely about the Holy Grail War. After his Servant had saved Sakura and then disappeared to save other people, Kariya had been spending all his time with his niece. He knew the worms were still affecting him, although not as much as it had earlier since Zouken was now gone, and he probably had only ten or fifteen more years to live. He had determined to spend those with Sakura, which is why the two of them were now holidaying in Tokyo, far from the death and nightmares of Fuyuki. Smiling unconsciously as he watched Sakura nibble at an ice-cream cone, Kariya nearly fell out of his seat in shock as he heard his Servant's voice in his mind.

"Kariya…activate it." His Servant's voice seemed slightly pained, and that scared Kariya a little.

"Are…are you sure?" he said, momentarily forgetting that he didn't have to speak out loud. The waitresses at the café stared strangely at him, but he ignored them.

"Yes."

Silently, Kariya activated _Mad Enhancement_. It scared him more than anything in the world. He almost felt pity for whoever Superman was fighting. Almost.

* * *

Gilgamesh was pleased with himself. The King of Heroes had trapped the impudent Servant who dared challenge his heavenly authority in his _Chains of Heaven_. The mongrel was on his knees, the god-forged steel tying him up inescapably.

"And now, mongrel, you will bow before the King as do all others." He paused.

The man's eyes suddenly were glowing a fierce red. Straining against the _Chains_, he stood up, a feat Gilgamesh would have considered impossible had he not seen it. Raising an eyebrow, he was about to remark that the dog would not be able to save himself, when he saw something that stunned him.

The god-forged steel of the _Chains_ was straining. Cracks were forming all along its length, spiderwebbing along the links until – with a thunderous crack that seemed to resonate all over the world – they snapped. And the man was free.

"How? No mongrel should be able to-"

"**You underestimate men, Gilgamesh.**" said the man, walking towards the King of Heroes, who was unconsciously stepping back at his approach. "**I know a man, an ordinary man, who can kill me. He could kill you with just his mind and his determination**. **But me? I'm not an ordinary man. I'm Superman. My problems are different.**"

Contemptuously, Superman caught one of the links of the _Chains of Heaven_ and ground it to dust in his palms.

"**I can fly into the heart of the sun. I can bench-press the Earth. I have to live every second of my life fearing that I will break something, or some**_**one**_**. But you-**"

And he disappeared, and Gilgamesh found himself sent flying into the sky, as a blow that felt like a bomb explosion hit his armour, causing it to buckle.

"**YOU CAN TAKE IT, CAN'T YOU?**"

The next thing the disoriented King of Heroes felt was intense heat, as beams from the man's eyes raked his body, tearing apart his heavenly armour, exposing the skin beneath to a barrage of punishing blows that sent him rocketing higher and higher into the sky.

"**CAN'T YOU?!**"

* * *

Alright ! So there's the nineteenth one. Please, go ahead and suggest characters! If I don't get any suggestions, I can't make the next chappy…

Berserker!Superman it is. Inspired, I suppose, by _Man of Steel_. Supes is quite possibly _the_ most broken Servant around. I mean, according to DC's New 52, he can bench-press the Earth. Bench-press. the. fucking. Earth. For five days straight. Nuclear bombs barely faze him. He can knock the moon out of orbit. Travel almost as fast as a man who can _run through time_ itself.

This suggestion was given by _bon123 among many others._ If you don't know who Superman is, you shouldn't even be on the Internet.

* * *

Class: Berserker

Master: Matou Kariya

True Name: Kal-El

Titles: Superman, Man of Steel, Big S

Sex: Male

Height/Weight: Exact details unknown

Alignment: Lawful Good

Strength: EX

Endurance: EX

Agility: EX

Mana: A

Luck: D

Noble Phantasm: EX

_**Class Skills**__-_

Mad Enhancement – E

Raises basic parameters in exchange of hindering mental capacities.

Berserker's Mad Enhancement is unique in that it does not actually raise his parameters. Instead, it removes his personal, self-imposed limits on his strength and speed, allowing him to unleash his entire potential on an enemy. It does not rob him of any mental capacities, since it is not actually a maddening enhancement in any form. However, Berserker is very reluctant to use this skill, and it is normally turned off.

Magic Resistance – D

Grants protection against magical effects.

One of the very few things that could hurt Berserker was magic, and even the magic of an incredibly strong modern magi could theoretically affect him. However, his incomprehensible endurance means that although the magic could affect him, it doesn't actually do him any damage unless it is of an exceptionally high rank.

_**Personal Skills-**_

Bravery – A

The ability to negate mental interference such as pressure, confusion etc.

When Berserker is focused on saving some people, or vanquishing some evil, no mental interference can distract him in battle.

Hero of Humanity – EX

The status of being someone recognised as Humanity's Greatest Hero. An upgraded version of Guardian Knight.

Berserker was regarded as _the_ definitive hero when he was alive. There was no one on the planet who did not know him, and he, more than anyone else, represented the hopes of humanity. As a result, when fighting to save or protect humanity, Berserker's already incalculable base parameters are further enhanced.

_**Noble Phantasms-**_

Last Son of Krypton _"Hope of Humanity"_ : EX

Due to Berserker originating from the planet Krypton, this Noble Phantasm is permanently active unless he is in the presence of a red sun or has not seen the sun in a long time. It grants him enough strength to even knock planets out of orbit, and enough speed to potentially race through time. He is also granted a variety of other powers, such as the ability to shoot heat beams from his eyes, or to breathe freezing air from his mouth. However, Berserker's self-imposed limits normally cut this down to manageable levels.

Tokens of Victory _"Gifts and Trophies"_ : E-B

A Noble Phantasm composed of the numerous objects and artifacts Berserker has won, collected or been gifted through his life. They range from simple tokens of appreciation to highly enchanted magical relics to futuristic technology.


	20. What's Up, Doc?

I own nothing, none of the characters or series used in this. Heck, I don't even own the laptop I'm writing this on.

At the end of the chapter, I'll put in the usual description of the Servant and their Abilities, and if any of you want to use any Servant portrayed here as is, with the same Noble Phantasms, abilities etc., please feel free. I only ask that you credit me and PM me with a link so I can read your story too.

* * *

Who's next ? **YOU DECIDE !**  
I will only use characters you have suggested in your reviews for all my oneshots ! So please, go ahead, review and suggest !~

* * *

**Achievement Unlocked: Get to 500+ reviews!**

**Next Achievement: Complete at least 6 more oneshots by year end!**

* * *

If you tracked down Kisildur Zelretch Schweinorg, Wizard Marshall and Master of the Kaleidoscope…you'd probably die instantly. But if he gave you a chance to speak, and you, for some reason, decided to use it to ask him a question instead of begging for your life, and that question happened to be: "Out of all the timelines that the Fourth Grail War could have followed, which is your favourite?", he would point you to this one.

And then he'd kill you.

But at least you'd die knowing which one it was.

* * *

Kirei Kotomine took one look at the result of his Servant Summoning. Then he turned around and walked out of the room, thinking deeply to himself. Where on earth could he have been injected with some kind of hallucinogen? He supposed the vampire that he killed last night could have had something of the sort on its weapons. That was the only logical option, after all, since he couldn't have summoned an anthropomorphic rabbit, of all things…

Except the rabbit was standing in front of the door, blocking his exit, and as he watched it retrieved a carrot from…somewhere, and casually bit off an end. Then it spoke.

"Eh…what's up, doc?"

"Nothing." replied Kirei, calmly. "I'm going mad," he said, waving his hand dismissively, "but I understand everything else is going well."

"Going mad?!" said the rabbit, shocked. "Why would you be going mad?"

"Because I'm talking to a rabbit."

"Oh, I see, doc. That **_is_** bad news. Tell you what, though," said the rabbit, "why don't you just run along and rest, and I'll handle this whole war thing for you?"

Kirei turned this advice over in his mind, and concluded that it seemed the best course of action. "Thank you," said Kirei, courteously, "I'll do just that."

And then the elemental force of chaos known as Bugs Bunny was free to act in the war.

* * *

What manner of beast was this? The King of Heroes had never seen a talking rabbit before, let alone a talking rabbit that claimed to be a Servant. Of course, Gilgamesh disregarded its claims; after all, there was no way a mere animal could even stand near him; but the animal _was_ interesting, there was no question.

"Rabbit!" said the Golden King, swaggering nearer to the creature. "You will be granted the honour of being a belonging of the King."

"Now just wait a gosh-darned minute!" said the rabbit, walking forward and tapping Gilgamesh angrily on his armour. "I ain't no one's belonging!"

This, predictably, angered the prideful King of Heroes. "You would dare defy the generosity of the King? And you, pathetic beast, would touch me?"

Gesturing with his hands, the King of Babylon 'opened' his treasury, revealing a mass of weaponry, all pointed at the rabbit. "I will kill you!"

"No you won't." replied the rabbit.

"Yes I will!"

"No you won't."

"Yes I will!"

"No you won't."

"Yes I will!"

"Yes you will."

"No I won't!" snapped Gilgamesh, furiously.

"Well, have it your way, doc." said the rabbit, walking away.

Gilgamesh nodded furiously. The nerve of that beast! Trying to get Gilgamesh to…kill…him?!

Gilgamesh roared in anger and chased after the rabbit.

* * *

Gilgamesh frowned. He had chased the rabbit out of the Tokiomi mansion, and he was now stopped at a hole in the ground; presumably the rabbit had gone down it, but he couldn't be sure.

"Eh…what's up, doc?" said someone, walking up to him.

"I'm chasing a vile rabbit." he replied. "Have you seen the beast?"

"Does he have ears like this?" said the stranger, gesturing at his own long, grey ears.

Gilgamesh nodded.

"And does he have a small, bushy tail like this?" continued the stranger, turning around.

Gilgamesh nodded.

"And does he hop around like this?" said the stranger, jumping on all fours.

"Exactly!" said Gilgamesh.

"Sorry, doc." said the stranger. "I haven't seen him."

* * *

Gilgamesh frowned and looked down the hole. Now what did he have that could extract a rabbit?

"Excuse me, sir." said someone, tapping Gilgamesh, who whirled around furiously to find a cowering delivery man. "Special delivery for you, sir."

"For me?"

"Yes, doc- I mean, sir." said the person.

Gilgamesh examined the large parcel, which had 'ACME' stamped on it. Now what was that strange ticking noise he heard…?

**KABOOM!**

"What a maroon!" laughed Bugs, pointing behind him with his carrot. "What a nincompoop!"

Unfortunately for him, the heavenly armour of the King of Heroes could easily stand up to the most explosive creations of man (even if that man was the head of ACME and a certain coyote's preferred supplier).

So it was to his chagrin that Bugs found Gilgamesh standing in front of him again, immaculate hair singed, face and body sooty, glaring with intensity enough to kill a basilisk.

The King of Heroes raised his sword and then-

"Have you fallen so low, King of Heroes?" said a female voice, contemptuously. "Attacking a poor rabbit?"

Gilgamesh whipped around to find Saber standing behind him, her arms crossed in disapproval. "I had expected to find a worthy opponent to fight," she said, "but I see you do not deserve your reputation."

Gilgamesh sputtered, his poise completely lost. "This-this abomination is hardly a rabbit!"

"Oh?" said Saber coolly, looking over at the poor creature, which was staring at her with wide eyes that brimmed with tears, "what is it then?"

"It is Servant Assassin!" screeched Gilgamesh, nearly clawing at his own hair.

Saber began re-evaluating her opinion of Gilgamesh. Clearly the man was mad. She knew he was arrogant, and she thought the reason he was killing rabbits was because he was cruel – but it seemed to be that he was unhinged entirely.

She said nothing, merely staring at him with a raised eyebrow. This disconcerted Gilgamesh even more, who began shaking the poor rabbit in his grasp, and screaming "Speak! Speak, you accursed Servant!"

"Enough of this foolery, King of Heroes," cut in Saber, drawing her invisible sword.

This action prompted Gilgamesh to slacken his grip on the animal, which bounded over to Saber in a hurry. She smiled warmly at it, before turning back to Gilgamesh, ready to attack-

**The rabbit kissed her. The. rabbit. kissed. her.**

"To quote a friend of mine who quacks," said the rabbit, who was now bipedal and smiling, "Woohoohoohoo!"

To the amazement of the stunned and blushing Saber, and the fury of the mad King, the rabbit turned tail and ran.

After a moment's hesitation, Saber joined the chase, with the Golden King already haven taken after the rabbit the minute he moved.

And thus perhaps the greatest, perhaps the most confusing, perhaps the strangest, but certainly the funniest events played out in the Holy Grail War.

* * *

Alright ! So there's the twentieth one. Please, go ahead and suggest characters! If I don't get any suggestions, I can't make the next chappy…

What's up, Doc? Bugs Bunny it is! And it's incredibly difficult I've realised, to try and characterize the Looney Toons on a Fanfic because a **lot** of the humour is reduced by the fact that there are no visuals. I've given it my best shot, though, so I hope you like it!

This suggestion was given by _Sammy Holzbein._ If you don't know who Bugs Bunny is – man, what were you doing all your childhood?

* * *

Class: Assassin

Master: Kotomine Kirei (yeah, right.)

True Name: Bugs Bunny

Titles: Bugs, Wascally Wabbit, Long-Eared Critter, BLARGGHH! (untranslateable)

Sex: Male

Height/Weight: Exact details unknown

Alignment: Chaotic Neutral

Strength: D

Endurance: C

Agility: D

Mana: D

Luck: EX

Noble Phantasm: A

**_Class Skills_**_-_

Independent Action – A+

The ability to remain independent even when rejecting the prana supply from the Master.

Assassin was perhaps the **most** independent free spirit in his entire universe, relying on no one but himself and following what he desired whether it affected others or not. Essentially, this means that Assassin can remain indefinitely in the world without a contract. Furthermore, his Noble Phantasm is passively activated on summoning and remains active throughout, so he need not even fear being unable to use it.

Presence Concealment – C/A

The capacity to hide one's presence as a Servant. It is a common skill to the Assassin class.

Assassin has sufficient ability to conceal himself from all modern magi and most Heroic Spirits naturally. However, when he is near a rabbit hole, or some similar hole, he cannot be sensed by any Heroic Spirit even if he is standing right beside them.

**_Personal Skills-_**

Devil's Own Luck – A

An incredibly high capacity for luck that nearly becomes a Noble Phantasm in its own right.

Assassin has such incredible luck that the rules of reality themselves bend in his presence to ensure his victory in any events of chance. In life, during a card game, he even managed to draw a single '21' card, even though no such card exists in a deck; in another game, he drew 19 aces in a row. As long as there is even an infinitesimally small chance of Assassin's victory in chance based situations, he will never lose.

Disengage – A

The ability to break away from combat.

Assassin was an expert at running away to save his own hide, and will be able to escape even the toughest situations. Only the fastest Heroic Spirits will be able to keep up with him.

Master of Disguise – A

The ability to disguise oneself as a different person.

Assassin is such an expert at disguising himself (this skill is further boosted by his Noble Phantasm) that he can fool people who have known him for years and have just been with him with no problem whatsoever.

**_Noble Phantasms-_**

Toon Physics _"What's Up, Doc?"_ : A

Assassin's automatically activating Noble Phantasm, it makes him and anything he interacts with follow the rules of Toon Physics – that is, he is impossible to kill (except with erasing fluid), he heals nearly instantly from any injury, even the most obvious disguises and tricks are granted a level of baffling complexity to any observers; among many other benefits.


End file.
